[mogrann]

I got a nice Christmas message from a friend about Jesus. I believe in Jesus and God and that people can accept Him in their hearts as God loves them.

However, I also know that I am not good enough for God. That He only wants other people. I believe that I was put on this earth to be abused as a child so that other children would be safe. That is the only thing I can think of to justify why God would allow it to happen. See I was sexually and physically abused as a child by a family member and by strangers. No one protected me and I think if God cared about me he would have sent me someone to protect me.

I would love to be good enough for God and be a part of his family but know I am not. I am not sure why I am typing this or what I am asking for.

Susan

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, that what you believe is a common lie of Satan to keep you apart from God.

God is here to give us strengh and find peace thought he bad things, no where are we told that there will not be bad things that happen to us. In fact as a Christian we are told we may suffer worst than the rest of the world.

So someone has told you wrong that as a Christian nothing bad happens.

The world is not a Christian place, we fight against the evil that controls the world today, So bad happens, because there are bad people.

What happened to you is bad, but it only means that God can be there to help you recover over it and make more of your life.

[Wondergirl]

God loves you very much. He had made a beautiful, perfect world, but mankind messed it up. The person who abused you is one of those who is keeping the messed-up situation going. God's given us free will/free choice, so we can do bad things if we want to -- or we can do good things instead. Your abuser chose to do bad things. Unfortunately, bad things will continue to happen to all of us in this life. You were abused, and I ended up with breast cancer. Jesus came to make things right again, but we won't enjoy perfection, like God originally intended for us, in this life. He promised us a future life with Him in a perfect world after we die -- no abusers, no cancer, no sickness, no pain, no death. I'm looking forward to that! I hope you will too.

[dwashbur]

Of course you're not good enough for God. Neither am I. Neither is anybody. We're all fallen creatures. That's why there's Grace. Are you familiar with it? Everybody is saved by grace, as a free gift from God. All you have to do is take it. There is no "good enough." There's just love and forgiveness. God offers it freely, and he doesn't care what you've done or how good you are. He just wants to love you right now.

The people who mistreated you are fallen, too, and they made choices. Bad ones. But the things they did were their choices. They had nothing to do with why you were born or what God thinks of you. In fact, he was hurting right along with you. He cares that much.

If any of us had to be good enough, I'd be thoroughly screwed. But that's the beauty of it: God already did the work. All he wants is for you to trust him and receive the gift.

[jakester]

Susan - for whatever reason, and sometimes I struggle with it, God made this world with all of the pain and suffering to go along with it. People often try to ascribe the pain and suffering to man but man isn't capable of creating evil apart from the script of God. Consider these passages:

* I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things. (Isaiah 45:7, KJV)
* Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? Shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it? (Amos 3:6, KJV)
* Out of the mouth of the most High proceedeth not evil and good? (Lamentations 3:38)

You see, in the same way that an author writes a story which contains a tragedy (evil followed by good), I think God has created a world in which there is evil that leads to good. I know people will disagree with me but I think this is true of the world we live in. God made this reality and it contains evil and good. For purposes that wrack our brain, God included evil in this world to bring about good. I believe that if you assume man is responsible for bringing evil into the world, then God is weak and powerless over man's choices. I don't think that God is evil if he scripts a reality that contains evil in it. If you watch a movie or read a book that contains evil characters in it, you don't take issue with the author, you take issue with those characters responsible for that evil. Human beings are the beings responsible for evil in this world even though God created us. There's more to be said about that, but I'll move on.

I've had a similar experience to yours as a child, Susan. I've wrestled with God on that issue and in many ways I continue to wrestle with him. My whole life has been a struggle, it feels like... I had a horrible childhood and my adult life bears the scars of a divorce. I feel that sometimes I wish God would take my life so that the pain would stop, but I'm still here.

I think that your pain and where you are at right now indicates that you might be very alive to God in a significant way. You may be struggling with trying to put your own pain and suffering into perspective, but know that some of what we go through in life isn't fair... and I don't believe God promises fairness. I don't think that God intended any of it to be fair... he chooses what he does with each of us. But if you think that he is evil for allowing evil to happen to us, then I think the best example of how to accept evil as part of our lives is Jesus Christ. He was perfect in every way. God himself, come down as man. And yet he was savagely beaten, mocked, spit on, had his beard ripped from his face, and crucified naked. Does God relate with our pain? Well, I think if there was never a Jesus Christ and a crucifixion, I'd have to wonder how much I could respect God if he did not know what it was like to suffer as a human being. When Job struggled with his trial, he was disappointed with God and felt like it was unfair of God to do with him as he did. In the end, Job recognized that God was God and Job was not... but it was an unbelievably intense experience for God before he got to the place of acceptance of God's will.

God's ways are not our ways. Sometimes he brings much pain into our lives. I don't like that very much. But as I live this life of faith, I try to remain committed to God and believe that somehow he knows what he is doing even though he brings me through very painful experiences. Maybe some people can call that wishful thinking... screw them. I know why I believe what I believe and in some ways I cannot even articulate the why of everything I believe... but we don't live by sight, we live by faith. And a life of faith involves some doubt and confusion... and sometimes that doubt and confusion causes us much grief and pain. Even as I write this, it reminds me of how much of a struggle the Christian life is... how so many times I've wanted to walk away from God but somehow I'm still here... somehow all of this pain and tragedy will work out for our good.

I know my comments are inadequate for dealing with your pain, but perhaps some of what I said can at least make you pause and consider the role that suffering plays in life. I don't want to give up on God and I know I need his grace and I hope you feel the same way.

[mogrann]

I have read everyone's posts and must say I agree with all of it for other people. I also want to thank you for taking the time to respond. It is hard to explain what I mean with this topic. The biggest thing for me is that I had so many different professionals in my life from therapists, to special ed teachers etc and no one helped me. Why did God not love me enough to at least put me in a home that was safe? I was not asking for a rich home or a loving home just one with no abuse. Was I that unlovable? Why if he did not want to give me another home did he not just have me die to not suffer the pain?
I also have issues with the "everything happens for a reason" and the "if your abusers become a Christian then everything is forgiven, they get into heaven. They never have to answer for what they have done to me and others" and don't forget the "forgive and forget everything will be better when you do".
I do really want to have a relationship with God as a loving father but how do I after all of this? How does this make sense? I am not trying to make people on this board angry and upset and if I am wrong to post this please let me know.
I just don't know but I do know I am searching for answers and I guess a way to believe... I just don't know how to do it.

Merry Christmas all
Susan

[Fr_Chuck]

Christ forgave those who were killing him, Does that mean you should forget the pain others did to you, no,

But being a Christian does not mean things are nice and easy, God allows the world to operate the way it does, kids die and suffer every day, his own Hewbrew people were allowed to be slaves and had to suffer 40 years in the desert.

The problem people have they somehow expect God to make it a perfect world for everyone but the sinners, often by the worlds standards the sinners often have it better, more money, all the outward fun and more.

You can not find it in yourself to move on from your past, to close a door and start being more than your past was.

[Just_Believe]

You have hurt still inside that you have to give over to Christ. He is willing to take it from you if you are willing to let it go. Is it going to be easy, probably not, due to the emotional scaring that child abuse caries. We are are all tried & tested so as to come through more refined as gold. It is in the hard times our character comes out, sometimes good sometimes bad, but if we call on Jesus to help carry our load He will be there. GOD'S grace is a gift to us that was paid for with a great price of pain, suffering, & sacrifice by GOD when Jesus left His heavenly throne to take on mortal flesh, suffer the road to the cross, so we wouldn't have to. We could never be good enough to have eternal fellowship with GOD, it only through the sacrifice that Jesus made that we can.
So praise GOD for what He has done for you, & allow Him through the Holy Spirit minister to your hurts so that possibly you can help someone who has gone through similar things & is seeking for answers.
May GOD bless & keep you.