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Depressed_Soul · Dec 22, 2010, 05:07 AM

I am a 23 year old Indian boy living in New Delhi, India. About a year and half ago, I met an 18 year old Cuban-American girl, based in Miami, on Facebook. We started chatting and became very good friends. She calls me her best friend and we have audio-video chat sessions sometimes. We always keep fooling around with each other on Facebook too. My problem is that I have fallen head-over-heels in love with her but she just thinks of me as her best friend. My whole family knows about her and my mother and sister have even spoken to her and even her mother and brother have spoken to me. I always get up in the morning and check my Facebook account to check her messages. God knows how badly I want to go to Miami to meet her. Yesterday, I was chatting with her and I told her that I was going to take a special calling card on my mobile phone so that I could call her every weekend. To this she told me not to waste my money as she would continue chatting with me on Facebook and MSN for free. Money is not a concern for me when it comes to her, I just want to hear her voice. Yesterday only she was also chatting with my cousin at the same time and I got to learn from my cousin that she was going to go out on a date with a boy that night. And it really shattered my heart. I am at a very important stage of my career, as in I am doing MBA and will also be appearing for CFA Level 1 in June next year. But I am not able to concentrate on my studies, which should be my first priority now. All day I just keep thinking about her and feel hurt at the very thought of imagining her with another boy. Sometimes I feel that life is not worth living any more without her. Please advice me as to what I need to do to forget her?

ironhide262 · Dec 22, 2010, 06:09 AM

You are confusing love with infatuation. She has even told you that she only considers you a friend... and a long distance one at that. It`s easy to get lost and caught up in fantasy but, it`s time to wake up.

You are risking your future over an infatuation. I bet if you told this girl how you felt about her she would not feel the same way... she seems to have her emotions in check and understands the reality of your friendship.You can have the best time over the computer with someone but, as you found out, it`s not near good enough compared to the real thing( hence the date).

Get busy doing other things... mainly your studies and stay away from the computer... tell your friend you are busy with schoolwork. Join a study group.. preferably with some girls that are physically present to give you some perspective on reality.

Depressed_Soul · Dec 22, 2010, 07:15 AM

I don't know whether this is infatuation or love, but whatever it is, it's hurting me a lot. And yes, I had told this girl how I felt about her on a previous occasion too, but she told me that she loved me only as a friend. I just wish forgetting her was that easy. Anyway, I am having my winter vacations right now. I just hope when I begin college in January things will be different. I don't think I can stay away from the computer as I am emotionally very vulnerable at this moment and ignoring her will cause me even more heartburn. Is there any way I can keep my emotions in check without hurting our friendship?

joypulv · Dec 22, 2010, 07:51 AM

The best way to handle it is to talk about it with friends and family while they talk you out of it and through it, and to keep busy. Ask friends to let you mope around them while they go have fun or hang out, the more friends the better so you don't have to pretend you are having fun. But you have to get out!

STOP checking Facebook every day. She has nicely let you know you don't have a chance.
You are in love with someone who may be (probably would be) totally different if you were to spend a day or two together.

answerme_tender · Dec 22, 2010, 08:11 AM

Remember when you are chatting with someone over the computer, that you are just having a conversation with them through a BOX, you cannot touch them, you cannot really see what their expressions are even with a cam, you can only see what they want you too, just like typing you only read what they want you too. What I am saying that you don't interact with them in real life situations, the good side,bad, and indifference. That is what DATING is all about. Stop falling in love with a perfect personality in a BOX, save that love for someone that you can not only have a conversation with but can hold hands with, look into their eyes with out a cam!!

When you get to college start dating some girls that you can actually be with. Take on walks,that you can actually introduce to your family face to face! Good luck

Depressed_Soul · Dec 22, 2010, 10:20 AM

Guys, I am really grateful to you people for coming forward to help me. I understand that your suggestions, if implemented properly, will definitely help me come out my current situation. I will try my utmost best to forget her and treat her just as a friend. I hope the next time I fall in love it is with someone who loves me back.

Johny2010 · Feb 11, 2011, 06:18 PM

Chatting is just like relaxation. You should not pay attention. But on the other hand, love is blind. My advice is that you should tell your feeling to her however she think to you...

Depressed_Soul · Feb 11, 2011, 11:45 PM

Thanks for your advice, Johny. These days, I am in a much better state of mind primarily because I do not correspond with her everyday. I am trying to maintain a safe distance from her though my feelings for her are much the same. I am just going to let destiny take its course.

damdoom · Mar 28, 2011, 07:31 PM

I understand this so much is scary . But I think you are ignoring an important aspect in your question... and that is the culture of Love. Ask any "westerner" about love or at least those we most hear from on tvs and in bestselling books, they 'd tell you you can not love someone who doesn't treat you well, you should not, you should keep your dignity... etc whereas from an oriental point of view Love is all encompassing... it does not reuire someone returns your emotions... because it simply is... some of the most beautiful sufi poetry have been written about alover who simply is too lost to find his true self and feel the love... I think your feelings are pure and rare and touching has no baring on the matter, but I also blieve that the pain you are feeling you should learn to embrace cause it will lead you to where you are supposed to do... I also believe that the way we embark on this "studying" bulimia to just "be" someone has stopped us from being, and maybe your escaping through love from a course of life that you don't feels is enough for you...
Love