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mpierce13 · Dec 20, 2010, 04:19 PM

I forced my girlfriend of a few yrs to break up with me. She wanted a full commitment to live together , children, and marriage. We were both married previously. We spoke of marriage and kids but I couldn't commit completely. I was scared. I liked how things were but she wanted more so I told her if she wasn't happy she would have to do it. She angrily did break up via email an finished by saying if I had a change of heart she would welcome me with open arms. 4wks went by an she went on a date. Later that date night she txted me that she wished I had a change of heart. Again I did know about this date or the guy. I just learned what day was the 1st date. A week later I came back knowing what I want an I want her completely, marriage, kids everything. She is my best friend an lover. Again I didn't know about guy when I came back. I took her out for her birthday an stayed over her house that night. We kissed passionatly but didn't want to go any further. I have told her everything an she said she needs time an space. She is worried I will hurt her again. She still loves me , but likes this new guy an wants to give him a chance. He looks like me. What should I do? I wrote her a long letter explaing my previous commitment issues an confessed my love. She is angry an hurt right. Her best friends think she is acting out. Any suggestions on what to do? All advice is welcomed

momilee · Dec 20, 2010, 04:29 PM

I'd just keep doing what you are, but realize that it is you that pushed your relationship back into the dating stage, and part of dating may be competition. Try to have fun with it, the dating stage can be great and this is your chance to start over and show her the way you should have treated her... like she's a princess. If you stress too much on getting right back where you were, and act too jealously over this other guy, you may be unpleasant to be around. You may want to try to act as though you aren't at all worried about that guy, because you know that you are better all around.

mpierce13 · Dec 20, 2010, 04:34 PM

Thank you for the input. That's exactly how I am approaching it. No anger and I understand I forced her date. Just have to wait for her right? Can't forve it I put all my cards on table.

Do u think she will be able to get over the anger?

talaniman · Dec 20, 2010, 05:58 PM

4wks went by an she went on a date. Later that date night she txted me that she wished I had a change of heart.

She will make you suffer for a while until she knows you are ready, willing, and able to keep your word, and do the deed, and love it!! Forget the other guy, shop for a ring! Talk is cheap, actions are what counts!

mpierce13 · Dec 21, 2010, 07:12 PM

Even if we broke up once before for the same reason on? U think ?

talaniman · Dec 21, 2010, 09:28 PM

Personally I wouldn't consider being with someone who dumped me and had the problems you have had, scared of a commitment. Especially not if you had done the same thing before. Beats me how you forced her to date you, but after all of that, the only way you could change my mind would be by a strong, very strong show of commitment.

Nothing else would do, and I would still be skeptical of anything you said, and did. It would take some convincing, especially after waiting a month. Now you want her back, and if you are serious for a change then get the ring, and do the deed. What do you have to lose? What choice do you have except to forget it, and disappear forever from her life.

The way I see it, its one way or another, so make a choice, and take your chances.

mpierce13 · Jan 11, 2011, 09:22 PM

Thank u! So my cpu died. Just got a new 1. I came the same conclusion the talk is cheap and did the deed. She said no,that she wasn't there right now. And that she needed time an space. She cried an we kissed a lot. I told communication is now on her and that I would be here w open arms.. the same way she left it with me in her breakup letter. What do I do now? I have to walk an hope she comes around right? She seems to be running cause she hasn't spoken to her best childhood in weeks.. not acting like herself.. she has been spending all her time with this new guy an kind of incapsuled herself in him.. like to know your thoughts! Been very hard for me.. I finally realized what I want and need and it is to late. Timin seems to be everything.. thanks again for your help in advance.

talaniman · Jan 11, 2011, 09:45 PM

she said no,that she wasn't there right now. N that she needed time an space.

Do as she says, and start doing you own thing without her.

answerme_tender · Jan 12, 2011, 11:30 AM

No offense but you said this isn't first time you have broke up due to your inability to commit. So she has taken you back once already, and yet you broke up again for same reason, and yet again broke her heart.

Iam sorry but you made this bed!! Now you need to understand why she is being extremely cautious. She is probably spending a lot of time with other guy, see if he has more to offer without the pain you have caused her.

Just keep up what your doing, show you love her

mpierce13 · Jan 12, 2011, 04:15 PM

I agree w u 100%.she is spending all of her time w him, an hasn't spoken to her best friends in weeks. Isn't she rebounding an running? How do I show her I lover her when she needs time and space! I was leaving the communication to her?

talaniman · Jan 12, 2011, 05:04 PM

Doesn't matter what she is doing. All that matters is what you do for yourself. That's all that counts, and you better leave her alone. You blew the chance to show love and caring.

mpierce13 · Jan 13, 2011, 08:48 AM

Understand! I am walking forward. Leaving the communication to her. She's knows where I am n my #? I can only control what I can control.. Can control anything w her unless she comes back. Time to tend to myself.

answerme_tender · Jan 13, 2011, 09:56 AM

If I could make a suggestion, Please take this time to get some help with your issue of commitment. You know why, blah,blah,blah---but now its time to get over it and stop letting it RULE your FUTURE relationships!! Good luck

mpierce13 · Jan 13, 2011, 04:32 PM

I have done that!! Hence the reason we split. There is a calming feeling I can commit either w her, someone else in the future. What do u mean w blah blah blah?

mpierce13 · Jan 25, 2011, 03:48 PM

So she found me at church last week. An we hung out for the entire day. Looked at puppies, an just hung out all day. We cried an kissed an hugged. I than spoke to her via I chat because I was leaving for out of town. She said she was glad we had a to smooth things over an wants the best for me.. I was confused but she called me today 5days later an said she can't risk leaving this nice guy just to take the risk with me an getting hurt again. I told her I understand, but I don't. She said she loves me an always will anthat it was the most heartfelt deepest relationship she has ever had. I really want to prove to her my love but cant, unless she comes back to me.. N now she is in this relationship an not willing to risk for me. Stating that she doesn't want to jump back with me an always wonder what could have been. She has a strong catholic faith and this guy is jewish. She always said how great it was that we both had strong faith! I guess I have to keep my head up and try and move forward. Any help or suggestions on what Ican do for help. Either moving forward or what have u. looking for some clarity. Many thanks in advance!

talaniman · Jan 25, 2011, 06:05 PM

I think its time to let her go, and proceed on your own. Sorry guy, but there is little left to understand since you had a few chances to prove yourself, but didn't, and she isn't up for anymore chances. You have to let her go. Sorry for your loss.

mpierce13 · Jan 25, 2011, 06:23 PM

What happens if she communicates again in the future. WHat do I do?