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christmasblues · Dec 21, 2010, 03:24 PM

My husband is close to his boss... she is a very nice woman with a son the same age as ours. I really like her and her family but am jealous of their connection at times. I have been trying to get him to a chiroprater for years for his headaches and he never went... he now drives an hour to his weekly appointments to see her chiropracter after she suggested he go. He always tells me about conversations they have at work and how enjoyable she is and what a nice boss she is... the other night when he came home and I wanted to talk, he said that he didn't want to because he talked all day (he is in sales so that makes sense, but I doubt he is ever to tired of talking to talk to her). The other day I commented on how beautiful my wedding ring looked and of course he went straight to how his boss was talking about getting a bigger ring. I have expressed my jealousy about her and things have been MUCH better. Then... this just happened. :( They both love snowboarding and were talking about planning a trip over the break for both of our families to head up to the mountains together. When I asked about it, he told me that he and his boss were planning the trip and not to worry about it. Again, my husband is a real penny pincher but dropping $$$ to fly to Utah because that is what the boss wanted to do didn't seem like a big deal to him. Anyway, I hadn't heard anything about the trip since. We made plans to hang out with my family on Christmas Eve (he even got the day off) and to see his family on Christmas day. Out of nowhere yesterday he informs me that his boss would like to leave Wednesday and be gone through christmas. I told him that we can go any day BUT Christmas Eve and Day because we have plans. He said that he wants to go snowboarding and is going if she decides that is when they will leave. I explained that it is important to me for us to stay home for Christmas, stick with the plans we committed to with our parents and wake up in our own beds for once this Christmas. Now me and my son will be waking up without my husband/daddy because he chose snowboarding over us... I really feel second next to his boss and this just confirms it. Whatever she says goes... whatever I say never seems to matter. I asked him today if he still planned on being gone over the holiday... our close friends have invited us for dessert Christmas night... he still doesn't know because the boss hasn't made up her mind. I don't want to even call our friends back... it is so embaressing... how do I even begin to explain that I have no idea if my husband will even be in town on Christmas day or not...

answerme_tender · Dec 21, 2010, 03:40 PM

I can sense your hurt and most of all your UNCERTAINTY on what is going on with your husband! Listen this is just my opinion and only that---but to put it simply your husband has a huge crush on his boss, that's as nice as I can put it. I don't think it has gone any further then that simply because he wouldn't of even bothered to included his family for this trip.

However I certainly wouldn't stay behind just because you have prior plans with family. My backside would be right next to my husbands while on this trip!! His boss would think I was connected to his hip like a simese twin! His boss may or may NOT be aware of this crush. Good time to evaluate situation!

Then when you get back I would seriously check into some counseling for your marriage, see what the counselor advises on how to approach him about this situation with his boss even if it turns out he doesn't have a crush, he is still letting her run not only his business life but his personel one.

I wouldn NOT blow up and start accusing him, just play it smart, go on this trip with him, have a good time, but take notice and make mental notes without going overboard or questioning every move. Write down what you notice in tablet that he can't get to and then go over these things with the counselor to make sure your not just seeing things if you know what I mean.

Keep us posted---good luck

Alty · Dec 21, 2010, 03:47 PM

I'd take a different approach.

I'd call his boss, tell her that you and your husband had plans over the Christmas holidays and now, instead of spending Christmas at home with his wife and son, he's going snowboarding with her. Ask her if this is something she encourages. Ask her what the hell is going on.

He's your husband. Boss or not, she has no right to do this to your family, and he has no right to choose his boss over his wife and son.

I'd put my foot down, tell him that if he goes snowboarding, he shouldn't bother coming back.

But that's just me. :)

christmasblues · Dec 21, 2010, 04:07 PM

Thank you 4 your post. I agree that he has a crush, but trust him & know he would never act on it... so Im OK with him going, just NOT on Xmas. We do go to counseling & we will definitely discuss it. Just hurt & not sure how to not be a grouch now..

christmasblues · Dec 21, 2010, 04:09 PM

Thank you for your post. I am definitely not that brave! I think I will wait until our next counseling session to discuss my feelings with him. Until then, I am trying to figure out how to not let this ruin my christmas and turn me into a grouch..

Alty · Dec 21, 2010, 05:26 PM

Go do something fun. Take your son to your family's house, put on a smile, and enjoy yourself. One day he'll live to regret leaving his family on Christmas to go snowboarding with his boss.

His boss should be ashamed of herself, taking a married man with a child away from his family on Christmas. Is she married? Maybe you should call her husband, invite him to your place for Christmas. I bet she wouldn't be too happy about that.

joypulv · Dec 21, 2010, 06:23 PM

You go to counseling? So there are ongoing problems aside from this?
I think it's AWFUL and I would say if you go, don't come back.
His boss is almost worse (but what happened to you going too?)
I'd call the chiropractor to verify that he has been going.
I don't trust your husband one bit.
I have a relative this just happened to, and it ended with the husband finally running off with the woman he always insisted was just a friend and colleague. He was the last one to realize she was reeling him in.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 21, 2010, 08:58 PM

Sorry, I don't think you can trust him, and he is already doing harm though emtional cheating, giving her the attention you should be getting.

Leaving the family for this is not correct and he should be told in no such terms that it is wrong and he should not be doing this.

And I would agree, I think it is time to start drawing a line and put a stop to it

dontknownuthin · Dec 22, 2010, 11:46 AM

Have to spread rep but agree with the good Fr. Chuck. I think he's at least having an emotional affair, question the "chiropractic" appointments an hour away (what a convenient way to explain away a three hour tryst). You either need to put your foot down that he can't go on the trip, or you need to go.

And it's very weird to take holiday vacations with the boss... most of us can't wait to get away from our boss on vacation! Even people who really like their boss generally don't take vacation together unless it's their family business.