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squeakyli · Dec 20, 2010, 04:31 PM

My life seems to be draining away slowly and that everyday feels like a massive chore. I'm feeling very sorry for myself and I know I should pick myself up and get on with it, but I feel it's all an up hill struggle.

I've been through 3 long term pathetic relationships with losers who don't respect me. I need a man who will look after me, be attentive and give me lots of hugs and cuddles and tells me he loves me, even if I nag and moan.

I have a part time job because I have no baby-sitters to look after my son on some days, I'm feeling my lowest at the moment. It's killing me. I need enlightenment, light at the end of the tunnel. I feel exhausted, lonely and desperate to be loved.

I know I should be more positive, but every time I try, something bad happens and I'm down in the dumps again. Nothing can hold my positivity level. I feel I'm incapable of anything. I feel deflated.

joypulv · Dec 20, 2010, 08:18 PM

I'm having a bit of difficulty with your depression description. Your neediness doesn't quite gibe with feelings as low as you describe. You want, you want. You want a man who gives and gives and what? You have to give too, sorry. The man you want doesn't exist, at least not for long. I suppose cooking and sex might work for a while.
If you are truly depressed you don't feel worthy, you don't demand respect because you don't feel you deserve it, you don't demand attention and hugs.
Granted life can feel totally useless and awful and meaningless. But you have the ability, I think, to get some counseling or get yourself out of this yourself. I'd suggest trying to stop thinking life revolves around a man to take care of you. Find an interest, a new way to make a living perhaps, take a course, create something.
How many of us have strings of relationships that don't work out? Tons. Stop counting on them.

squeakyli · Dec 20, 2010, 11:52 PM

Thanks for your true words, I didn't realised I was so demanding. I needed that straight and narrow talk. I've always had a free reign and I've always gone around things the wrong way. I will try now and forever more to not focus on building my confidence and self-esteem. (Maybe that's why I need and want approval). Thanks again Joypulv.

butterflies63 · Dec 21, 2010, 09:09 AM

I thought I could help with this one but it has actually given me some food for thought (question and reply).

redhed35 · Dec 21, 2010, 10:46 AM

Time to unglue yourself from that pity pot and throw it out.

You don't NEED a man,you need you.

You can achieve anything you put you mind to, and I am proof of that.

You make the change you make the difference.
Sit down and write a plan for the next 5 years (note: do not include a relationship in this plan)

Now,once that done how can you achieve it? Who can you talk to? Where can you find the information?

The sooner you get cracking the sooner your life and mood will improve.

The benefits of having goals and aims are 1. improved self worth.
2. high self esteem.
3. high standards for how you expect others to treat you.
4. work hard and you will have financial gain,even saving 5 pound/euro/dollars a week adds up to a nice little nest egg.
6. others look a you differantly,with a new respect.
7. you start to take better care of yourself.
8. you start to like who you are.
9. your happy.
10. Happy people attract happy people.
11. You will smile more.
12. When the right guy comes along,he won't be meeting a unhappy women, but a well established women who has plenty to offer and bring to the table.

Hmmm,that's quite a list and there's more to add,but for now what do you think is better

Sitting on the pity pot OR sitting down and starting that plan?

squeakyli · Dec 21, 2010, 12:13 PM

I am trying real hard, my stomach feels like a pit, I'm frightened things won't go the way I want and then I'll feel even more of a failure. I need support (oh no my demanding side is coming out again). I need, I want and I can't get it. I feel frustrated I do need help. I'll have a look for a counselling group and attend.

Sorry for being such a mope. :-(

redhed35 · Dec 21, 2010, 12:22 PM

Actually asking for help is a good step and its an intelligent step.

Its just who to ask is sometimes the problem,finding a beginging.

Who do you think would help you?

squeakyli · Dec 21, 2010, 02:25 PM

If I can find a good psychotherapist then I may get healed sooner. My mind is like mush.

redhed35 · Dec 21, 2010, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by squeakyli

If I can find a good psychotherapist then I may get healed sooner. My mind is like mush.

There are so many therapists out there for every occasion,its hard to figure out which one you may need if any, may I suggest a visit to your doctor first and talking to friends and family,get a few heads together to help you figure things out.

Personally I don't think you need a relationship right now but hands on help.

squeakyli · Dec 21, 2010, 04:26 PM

I've just been dumped. Unfortunately he lives under the same roof, he sleeps in the back bedroom. And I've just liberated myself (a bit) by putting a lot of his stuff into his tiny room. The sooner he moves out the better for me and my son to move on.

squeakyli · Dec 22, 2010, 02:14 PM

I poured my heart out to my friend, and she was there to make me laugh and cry. Most importantly she let me talk and she listened. Once I got everything off my chest, it felt like there is no problem after all! That is so strange. I'm ready to take on the world. (my highs and lows). I wonder how long this feeling will last.