[Silverynekochan]

I'm no longer a virgin. When I told my mom [who had previously told me that this was a decision I would make, and that I would know when the time was right] she freaked out. Now I know this is completely normal response, to not be happy when your 14 year old daughter comes to you and tells you she's no longer a virgin. But what she did was over the top. She knows that I'm depressed, have self-esteem issues, an ongoing aspartame addiction, and thoughts of suicide and running away [she got me tested]. So when I tell her, she flips and starts telling me that my boyfriend doesn't really love me, that he's only taking advantage of me and that all he wants is sex. She keeps making me feel like a useless whore and it bothers me because I've only had sex with one guy. She tells me she doesn't hate me, but she acts like she does. She keeps telling me that I probably have STD's or am Pregnant [not warning me of the risks, but telling me that I must have them because my boyfriend's obviously a man whore]. And it really hurts me because she wants me to see it from her point of view, but refuses to even think about my point of view. I know the time was right because I would've pushed him away if it wasn't [I already did so with previous boyfriends, and a few times with him]. I still have 4 years at home, and I don't want to live in a home where I'm looked down upon and hated. She turned the rest of my family against me over this and it hurts. What hurts me more is her assumptions, every time I want to see him, it's for sex. All we ever do is have sex. I'm going to turn into a painted whore. I've tried talking to her, and it didn't work, it's her way [leave my boyfriend a be an innocent doll] or the highway [exiled from my own family]. She also blames adoption for sex [I'm adopted]. But ultimately, if I was filling any hole in my heart with sex, it would have to be the whole where the love she never gave should be. What do I do? I'm not going to stop having sex, but I don't want to live in a home where I'm hated.

[Fr_Chuck]

If my 14 year old told me they were having sex, they would be on serious lock down, the boy would be arrested and be in jail.

And you would never see that boy again, ever

So there is no level of over reaction from your mom, the choice in my opinion was a bad choice that you made to have sex this early as a child. And for your mom to even give you the idea you were allowed to make the choice at 14

[ITstudent2006]

Can I ask how old the boyfriend is?

[J_9]

I don't think your mother "hates" you. I'm pretty sure she is disappointed in you though.

14 is WAY too young to be engaging in intercourse as you are not prepared to handle the mental, emotional and possibly the physical aspects of what goes along with intercourse.

I'm sure she does not want you to be a young single mother. Sex = pregnancy. I know, you are mature, right?

I promise you that you are not mature enough to handle pregnancy and motherhood should it occur. Are you able to handle the taunting and teasing should the boy you are having sex with, or just friends, start spreading rumors about you?

[who had previously told me that this was a decision I would make, and that I would know when the time was right]

This wasn't meant to mean now, at your age. This was meant to mean when you are in love and with the man, not boy, that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The time is NEVER right at 14 years old.

[redhed35]

As the mother of 3 girls ,18,19 and 9 I can see where your mother is coming from... and she IS your mother, where I see her point is out of fear for you,perhaps feeling that in someway she has let you down or not given you the right information you needed at the time the conversation took place over 'when it's the right time you'll know', me personlly followed that quickly with when your much older.

Even still when my eldest daughter told me she was sexually active at 18 I still was upset as to me she was still my little girl.

At 14 your still a girl,not little, but still a girl, and the serious choices you make now can have long lasting effects on your life.

Everyone makes bad decisions,including adults,but when your still as young as you are you need adult guidance to help you through.

What's done can't be undone,you can't be a virgin again and you can't take back the act,but what you can do is try and understand that during your teenage years your on an emotional rollercoaster, and your parents are fully aware of this and in her own way she is trying to help you.

Give her a break,she's hurt,and when your hurt often people lash out.

For now,my advice to you is try and talk to your mother/parents about what's happening in your life,as much as your boyfriend means to you perhaps with all that's going on you need a break from all the emotions a relationship at your age brings.

Time to work on you,listen to your mother she really does have your best interests at heart and does love you,she wants the very best for you.

[S_W12345]

That is absolutely ridiculous to send someone else's child to jail for a decision both the children have made. I do agree with the lockdown and maybe staying in the same room with the children. Separating them would only make you and your daughters

[S_W12345]

Relationship worse. The kids are now more emotionally tied together. Also, people make mistakes. Parents by no means are perfect and have never been

[kewi_twist]

I found this searching on Google for something else but I figure I would chip in a month late.
I lost my virginity at 13 and I never told my mother, I'm now 21 and while I haven't had sex with a lot of guys I have had it with four, each one I had a relationship with and dating for a while before we got to that point, you know? I've never regretted any of it either, what I do regret though is that I've never told my mother. I've never had a very close relationship with her and I'm too scared to tell her I even french kissed a boy, much less take a tumble through the sheets. She still thinks I'm a virgin and I'm 21! In a way I'm jealous you have an open enough relationship to feel safe enough to tell her.

I kind of want to know if she ever got over you are your boyfriend and how you are doing now? Is she being more supportive and cutting out the hateful speech? I would like you to know too that in no way possible can you be a whore, and being in a relationship at 14, as long as you use protection and take good care of yourself mentally and physically, is okay if you are ready for it. We all grow up at different speeds and paces. We all reach different life landmarks at different times. Even if your mother isn't any better you are going to be good and things will work out! Promise, a decade from now hopefully you'll have warm memories (or slightly crazy memories) of your first romantic relationship and that whirlwind romance!

[Rosaa1228]

If my 14 year old told me they were having sex, they would be on serious lock down, the boy would be arrested and be in jail.

And you would never see that boy again, ever

So there is no level of over reaction from your mom, the choice in my opinion was a bad choice that you made to have sex this early as a child. And for your mom to even give you the idea you were allowed to make the choice at 14

Wow, first off, the guy can't go to jail unless she's a minor & he's not. & I can't believe you're saying there is no over reaction from her mother. Her mother had noo reason to say that her own daughter has STD's & that her boyfriend just wants her for sex. NO MOTHER SHOULD SAY THAT TO THEIR CHILD no matter what the situation is. & also, because her daughter goes through suicidal thoughts, I'm just thinking "wtf is wrng with her" & never should a mom talk about personal problems with her daughter to the family so you need to shuv your opinion down your throat -__-

[Rosaa1228]

Half of these answers are fustrating. They're nly taking sides of your mother & not actually thinking about your situation due t the fact you lost your virginity at a young age. WELL, K THEM cause to be honest, your mother is really wrong, she should never tell you your boyfriend doesn't love you & that you have STD's, she needs help & I feel bad about you I'm sorry. Also, she shouldn't even be telling the whole family your personal information because its between you & her & as a mother, she needs to take your situation at heart & if she's that upset, she should just talk to you about it & tell you if sh doesn't want you having sex anymore