[chris08]

Hello everyone, been a while since I posted on here. I would just like to share my current feelings and thoughts that I am currently going through. And hope for your views.

Ok, a girl moved into our office building in the summer and at first I didn't really take much of a notice. We don't work in the same office she is upstairs and I am downstairs.

As the months went on I started to like her, she would come into my office and purposly say hi to me and start rubbing the top of my back/arms as I'm sitting down, in a friendly way. Everyone in the office took note of this and it still happens to this very day. I made a cheeky comment to her when she originally moved into the building, she asked me how old I thought she was and I said "early 30's?" she was 24 (same age as me)... she joked about how I should buy her a drink to say sorry. So I came in the next day with her favourite alcoholic bottled drink and gave it her and said sorry! I think she was shocked, she then brought me chocs back just out of gesture.

As the months went on, the more I started to like her. I did find out that she had a boyfriend though, so I didn't really try anything from then. I added her on Facebook as a friend and that was about it. She then started messaging me on Facebook telling me how things are going sour with her boyfriend, how he is trying to turn her into somebody else, or something. Again, I spoke back in a friendly way, eventually after lots of messages she gave me her number and asked me to text her to save her logging onto her emails all the time. So we got texting... she said she really likes me, but couldn't meet up alone because she had too much self respect towards her boyfriend, even though they we're on the verge of breaking up... we went to the works Xmas meal and sat by each other all night and talked.

Last Sunday (12/12), she told me she was meeting her boyfriend to try and 'sort things out, but I don't think it will' I said OK good luck. The following day I asked her... "Can i ask you a question? Are you staying with your boyfriend or trying to work things out with him?" (I had to ask this as I was starting to feel like her emotional door mat. And I didn't want to feel being lead on) She replied with "I finished with my boyfriend face to face, I'm not changing myself for anyone" I said 'Ok, that's all I needed to know'

I am lucky enough to work in an office full of women so I have spoke to them about it, they have all asked me to 'go for it' I text the girl this morning and asked if she would like to go for a drink with me tonight. (The weather at the moment here is terrible. Heavy snow. So not really ideal.) She replied with "I'll let you know, i really hate the snow, i just want to stay in my house i'm a wimp!"

I have a lot of time for the girl, she's smart, funny and everything I'd like. I don't think working at the same place will make a difference, we see each other once or twice a day. What do you guys think? I'm worried that she will give me mixed signals and I will lose her, I think she knows how I feel and that I want to be with her one day... maybe the time of year doesn't help? I know she has only just finished with her boyfriend too. (They we're together a year I think) I know she really likes me, she's told me herself. I forgot to add that she rings me most nights after work too for a chat. We get along great. And I'm just waiting for my night alone with her.

[redhed35]

Hmmm, she was kind of sort of lining up the next guy as she was finishing her last relationship,if the tables were reversed how would you feel if she was chatting and texting another guy while still seeing you? I'm just throwing that out on the table.

So now that she is single does that automatically mean you're the next boyfriend,or does it mean you can take a step back and wait to see if she needs a rebound guy first?

My advice is too thread very carefully,office romances can backfire in all sorts of ways putting not only your professional reputation on the line but also putting you in the firing line of office talk and gossip.

Its too soon after her relationship and with christmas around the corner a lonely ex may want to 'talk' to her again leaving you high and dry.

Take a few steps back, think about this and the fallout if it all goes wrong.

[chris08]

I know what you mean, I'd be devastated, but I don't know how her last relationship went or how it was going exactly at the time she was messaging me. She would text me saying how she wishes she had a boyfriend who was nice, who would take her on holiday, who would buy her gifts etc. She said she's never had any of that, and I kind of dropped a hint saying how shocked I was and how I was the complete opposite. I do know that she kept argueing with him and I was a bit surprised when she told me that she finished him face to face. At the time I was starting to feel a bit used, bit of a shoulder to cry on when things weren't going right with her current boyfriend.

I'm worried about being lead on if I'm being honest. But I honestly don't think she's that type of girl? This is really confusing!

Should I just leave her alone? Wait for her to come to me? What if she's sitting there waiting to hear off me first?

[redhed35]

Bloody hell! Id LOVE a guy who would take me on holiday and buy me presents, but I love a guy who works hard,treats me right,and respects my need for independence... kinda tells a bit more about her don't you think?

Look, for me I think she's fishing for a new 'sucker' she may be nice as you say but do you really know her,you asked for advice or at least a different view on the situation, and from where I'm standing it's a non starter.

If you had a wish list for a girlfriend would you look for someone who could supple you with stuff of would you look for more sound qualities?

Example. Looking for a guy who can take her on holiday and buy presents,not, decent,kind, respectful.. do you see the difference?

[chris08]

I don't know her that well, but would like the chance to get to know her properly.

The problem I have is people who I speak too everyday at work ask the same question over and over " so what's happening between you two?" " have you asked her out yet?" "if she's single, what you waiting for?"

I wanted to try and leave it until the new year, give her chance to completely get over her previous relationship. I'm just a bit worried that if I do leave it, I would have missed my chance.

On the other hand, the last thing I'd want is a rebound relationship. I wouldn't say I'm desperate for the girl... I'm just really eager to get her out alone and talk properly.

[redhed35]

Do you go to work or school? is your personal business their business?

You wanted to wait? So wait.

If she likes you there will be other chances when she's not just out of a relationship,she needs time to get used to being single again.

[talaniman]

Hi Chris, good to see you around again.

The problem I have is people who I speak too everyday at work ask the same question over and over " so what's happening between you two?" " have you asked her out yet?" "if she's single, what you waiting for?"

I highly suggest you keep co workers out of your personal business and don't let their opinions run your life.

I wanted to try and leave it until the new year, give her chance to completely get over her previous relationship. I'm just a bit worried that if I do leave it, I would have missed my chance.

She is a co worker, and all this drama at you place of work will suffer if things do not work out, or you find she isn't that into you. Chances are this will not work as you plan. Especially hard since you seem to let other co workers into your business so they will have all kinds of comments to tweak your mind. You seem mighty eager for suggestions from them, and don't seem to know how to draw boundaries. What are you, the office soap opera, with all these females or what??

Don't worry about missing a chance with her while she heals from her break up, don't miss other chances at romance waiting for her to heal. You never know how things will work out so don't be so eager, or in a hurry to explore the unknown. Do your own thing while she heals. Co worker romance back fires most of the time from what I have seen any way.

on the other hand, the last thing I'd want is a rebound relationship. I wouldn't say I'm desperate for the girl... I'm just really eager to get her out alone and talk properly.

If you let eagerness rule over what you feel is right, then that's exactly what this will be, a rebound. Don't plan next years romance today, that's crazy. And don't be in such a hurry to try and get with a stranger that just left a relationship, because honestly she sounds like she stayed with the other guy until she groomed you to be her next conquest and is in it for the benefits, and so she will not be alone.

Now pay attention, and don't be led astray by someone playing with your feelings for their own motives.

By your own words, you don't know her very well, so better keep your eyes open, until you know a lot more than you do now.

[chris08]

Hiya

Me & the girl went on a 'date' Thursday night. Well.. not really a proper date as such, more of a meet up in a quiet bar and a drink. It was her suggestion to meet up and obviously, I was really excited.

The night went well. A lot of talking. And getting to know each other a lot more. We both left after around 2 and a half hours. We drove separately home.

I sent her a text after she text me saying she had got home OK. I told her that I'd had a great night and hoped she did too.

She said she did too but wants to keep it 'low profile' for the time being. Bearing in mind she had recently split up with her boyfriend of 18months. And bearing in mind we work at the same place and a lot of her close friends work with her. She is worried that some of them will think different of her, I don't think she wants to give the impression that she can move onto one guy so quickly after being with another. She had only told a couple of them that we we're seeing each other. I told her I totally understood. She said she'd like to see me again. She also said to me 'i'd like to leave it for say... 3 months and then I will feel a bit more comfortable telling people' I'm not sure why she said this or what she was trying to imply? I took it as though she wants to carry on seeing me but I really want to know where I stand and if I will have the chance to be her next boyfriend. Which, in all honestly, I'd love too.

We went for a drink with everyone yesterday after work. And she drove me home. I thanked her and wished her a merry xmas and we gave each other a quick kiss. Nothing OTT.

I'm starting to feel anxious and I'll be honest, I can't get the girl out of my mind. I'd like to see her a lot more but don't want to look as though I'm obsessed with her. If that makes sense.

[talaniman]

Low profile it is, that's a good idea. Keep everyone out of your business. But if she has the idea that the dating is exclusive already, boy that's not good. You don't have a clue as to if you two are compatible yet as romantic partners.

That's what dates are about, having fun getting to know each other, not rushing into boyfriend/girlfriend right away. I wouldn't get all excited yet with this co worker attraction/chemistry/mutual interests or not.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn

Have fun, but don't get sloppy. You still have to see each other at work, and don't forget that.

I'd like to see her a lot more but don't want to look as though I'm obsessed with her. If that makes sense.

Then you better go slow, and pay attention, and keep a level head about you. You work together, and she has friends. Every one is already aware of you wanting to make a move on this chick, so there are some in your business already. Don't make her your world so soon, and don't neglect other areas of your life for her just yet.

Talaniman Rules- Run, don't walk, away from any romance in the place that you are employed.
I hope you know what you are getting into, because this is a hell of a situation to be in when things are not going well, or don't work out.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that’s only after the lust has worn off for you both.


Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger’s basket. Save some for your own basket.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

[chris08]

Hi Tal,

I'm just looking for a bit of advice if that's OK.

I've got myself into a bit of a messy situation, I know that. With her being a co worker etc. I'm trying not to make that get in the way of things and looking to treat her as I would with any other normal girl. The problem I have is that I'm always in a hurry to get the ball rolling.

I had asked her on Boxing Day, if she'd like to go out for a drink with me this week. She said she'd like too, but has got a lot on with it being xmas week, family coming down to see her etc. She said she would let me know if that is OK with me. I said that's fine, just let me know.

No word off her yet and the problem I have with myself, is that I always think so negatively, am anxious, and worry that she isn't interested at all. I don't know if it's normal with any other people, or if it's just me. Even though she has clearly said she wants to see me again. I always think about sending her another text or even phoning to see how she is. But I've tried to give her a bit of space and to let her do her own thing but for some reason it gets to me.

How do I get rid of this negative feeling and am I worrying over nothing? When is it best to message her again and if I do, do you think the girl will feel stalked and/or pressured into making a decision?

[talaniman]

How do i get rid of this negative feeling and am i worrying over nothing?
By living your life and doing other things you enjoy, and maybe paying attention to other areas of your life will keep things realistic. Geez guy, to dates and you are ready to run to the preacher? That's as crazy as it gets, and a very long way off. Obviously you have no life, and I highly suggest you get one before you drive yourself NUTS over a female you know nothing about! Yep, that's crazy.

When is it best to message her again and if i do, do you think the girl will feel stalked and/or pressured into making a decision?
Do your own thing, and let her do hers and while you wait, make a promise to get a life. When you tell someone to let you know, then you wait until they let you know. That's why you need a life outside of work. If she is all you have to think of you are in big trouble already.

When is boxer day? Seems such short notice for a big event.

[chris08]

Sorry if I confused you. I meant Boxing Day as in the 26th December. (so last Sunday) was when I asked her for another meet this week.

To be honest I am thinking about just leaving it now until I go back to work, next Tuesday. Start a clean state, really not sure if she's fully over her past relationship.

[ITstudent2006]

Damn. You're life is ALL about this girl already and you hardly know her. (a few drinks at a dive bar isn't getting to know her)

I agree completely with the fact that you need to get a life. Outside of her, outside of work, outside of your head. It sounds like you work for 8 hrs and think about her the rest of the 16hrs.

I hope this works out; because to be honest you're in deep if this continues, but you're killing yourself with thoughts.