[mark1987]

Hey guys, I'm Mark. I met this girl at my cousin's wedding close to a year and a half ago. I approached her and we hit it off right away and could tell she was very attracted to me. After that night we stayed in contact at least on a weekly basis. I was currently living at home in St. Louis w/ my parents prior to joining the Air Force and she's from Montana going to school at Gonzaga in WA state. She started her freshman year and a few months later I left for basic training. While we met she was on a break w/ her ex she'd been with throughout high school. Soon after the wedding they got back together on and off. I kept in minimum weekly contact though and she was always happy to hear from me. She managed to write me a little in basic which I thought was a really good sign. Every time we spoke she was very happy and positive and thought she had an awesome personality.

Once I graduated and was in tech school she broke it off w/ her boyfriend due to communication and difference in their beliefs. We began texting everyday and began to skype for up to over 3 hrs some nights. We both felt an awesome connection and felt we could be our absolute selves w/ each other. There were no big disagreements or conflicts ever.

In July, I got stationed near Rapid City, SD. A long way from WA, but a better distance than being in STL. As we talked she was real fond of the idea of coming to see me and we worked out a weekend but then was forced to cancel due to me being given a last minute project. Since that point I knew things felt different. She said we'd for sure work something out. She was now real busy just beginning her sophomore year w/ 19 credit hrs and now a resident assistant.

She still enjoyed talking but it became less and less and when I asked about her visiting it went from, "for sure" to "I'll try" or "I'll see what I can do". So I confronted it in a Facebook message and asked if she was maybe moving on because she seemed not so sure. Two days later she responded and said things have been crazy busy and she knows I'd like some definite answers but she can't give them, and that I'm a great guy and loves talking to me but can't visit and we have too much going on.

So my best method was to not fight it but agree because I know she is busy and told her I didn't feel it was the right time either. However, she texted me a little here and there afterward. A month later goes by I happened to ask what her plans were for this weekend and said she was hitting up Seattle. I asked if she was going w/ her girls she said no and wouldn't specify. So I asked who? She said she was going by herself to visit a friend. At this point I knew but just wanted to hear her say it. I ask your ex goes to school there, you guys on good terms, do you think you'll hangout? She said that's actually who she's staying w/ and that their great friends now and have been talking and she wanted to see him because he won't be home for Thanksgiving. I also ask do you think there's a possibility of starting anything back up? She said she didn't know and that she's going with the flow. In my mind if she's staying with him and haven't seen each other since breaking their going to be rekindling all types of emotions. I told her I'm not going to say I'm upset by this but I definitely find it interesting she didn't have the time for me but has no problem flying out to see him after she told me she wouldn't go back to him and when they disagreed on some pretty important stuff to her. We talked about it further and I said if he invited you to spend the weekend with him he wants to get back together with you. She sounds like she's unsure of his intentions but I don't think she wants to admit that he wants to get her back. At this point I told her I'm going to be busy throughout this weekend and coming up but I'll text her when I have time. She comes back Monday posting on Facebook that she had a great weekend. I asked if you felt like you were together she said yes but they'd have to talk it over. I talk to her a couple weeks later and she says she has no idea where it will go. I say well I hope he didn't use you by getting you to come visit. She says he didn't. So I asked how often does he talk to you? She responds with we talk when we have time. The fact that she steered away from what I asked made me think he could be being shady and she's in denial of it. Later I find he was supposed to maybe stay w/ her while in the area for a football game but didn't end up going. Last week she posts on her Facebook that she's fed up w/ guys right now so it all seems like its going the way I thought.

She seemed like a great girl and its hard to think of not communicating w/ her after over a year of talking. I even told her I think she's confused and I think her age has something to do with it. She's 19, and I'm 23. This girl was once willing to drive 12 hrs to see me so I have a hard time thinking she'd totally forget about me but at the same time I have to move forward and go into no contact. I feel, if she cares enough she'll contact me. I think she def misses the good times w/ her ex but when they were together things were pretty on and off. I've been 3 weeks of no contact and about to send a friendly hello. Nothing much but just to check in. Sorry this is like a book I'd definitely appreciate the input from anyone w/ some experience on this thanks!

[TheNanman]

Best advice after reading the wall of text, don't talk to her. Don't even send a friendly hello. Makes you seem like the weak one.

[sambilly]

Hey Mark,
Its actually very detailed which gives us a great understanding of what the situation is.
You mentioned that her ex was with her through all of high school, what that means is that they are very much in love and that they are clearly not over each other. She has mixed emotions and it seems as if she might of talked to you a lot which steered her away from her ex but no matter how much she tries to stay away from him and give you her all, when her ex calls her and gives her a chance to see him of course she will take it then all that you have done has went down the drain.
At this point in her life she is very much confused and really needs to move on. Had you been in the same state as she is in then this could have worked out differently with you and her but being that you guys are talking long distance is what is making things so hard.
You can not be mad about her going to see her ex when she could have came to see you, she knows him and trust him at a level where she does not trust you. They had a history together and you guys are just hitting it off. It seems that you are just some one she has been talking to to help her move on a little but she clearly does not want to move on. Its better if you let her come to you because it does not seem as if she is trying to get in contact with you. Im sure you an incredible person you have a lot going for yourself which is good. Focus on that right now and you will get to meet someone else who dose not have to give you so much drama. She is 19 and just got out of a long term relationship which at that age is very hard to get over with. You don't have to remove her from your life but let her be the one to try to talk to you and send you friendly hi and how are you comments. You never know how lie plays out she may just come back to you when she is really over him.
Good luck.

[mark1987]

Thanks for your input! I actually talked to her a couple nights ago and cleared the air so there are no hard feelings and had a good conversation. I then wished her all the best and basically am letting her go to figure herself out for now.