[whatever34]

My boyfriend and I moved in together six months ago. At the time he was truck driving and saw him five days out of the month. He used to be highly attracted to me. Recently, he took a job so he could be at home more to start his business. Since then, he has been completely distracted with everything and hates his new job. We work different shifts so I still don't see much of him until the weekend. It upsets me because I still have to initiate sex and work really hard to get his attention. It's like a struggle to even get him to tell me I'm beautiful etc... He has recently been working long hours to make the same amount of money as he did driving. I think it's driving us apart. He says he's too tired to have sex. I am willing and ready when he gets home even if I have to get up at 6am daily. I've made it perfectly clear to him that waking me would be great. I've tried everything to sexy dress, make-up and all those "things to spice things up". Sometimes he won't even notice. I love him and want to stay together but I'm getting so frustrated and it makes me feel unattractive and such. I even told him I wasn't going to bother anymore and he knows this isn't true. What should I do to get him to want me as much as I want him!! I need some GOOD and RELIABLE advice! I'm 34 and very attractive! I don't have time for this bs!

[QLP]

He's tired, stressed and unhappy about his working situtation.
If he has started a new business - this will make heavy demands on his time and energy.

Have you two sat down and talked about how things are going and what his plans are?

This doesn't sound like it has anything to do with how attractive he finds you.

If the situation is making you both unhappy you need to work out if this is temporary, in which case you need to try and have some patience with him while he needs your support. If it looks like he has made a bad decision then you need to work together to come up with a better plan. He will still need you to hang on in there for him while he changes direction again.

Sure it's nice when our partners tell us we are beautiful etc but it's not a right we should expect under all circumstances. There's nothing would put me off dishing out heartfelt compliments like my partner angling for them, and getting upset when they aren't forthcoming, if I'm too stressed to do so naturally.

I'm female by the way.

[joypulv]

You say you love him and want to stay together, then say you are 34 and don't have time for this? Which is it? You have to decide, for yourself, not force him.

Relationships aren't about 'how to GET the other person to do this or that.' He isn't a trained bear. He's someone who right now is not able and willing to give you what you want, and keeping his own business afloat is his first priority. The economy is bad, jobs are scarce, self employment tough. You either accept this or leave, since this isn't some ongoing quirk that can be talked through.


I think you have an insecurity problem unrelated to not getting enough loving and sex. Having to make someone tell you that you are beautiful? Yikes. Sounds like you are still in Romance 101. Respect, mutual admiration, caring become the next stage of love. You need to feel beautiful in your own self and out and about in the world, from guys looking at you to women complimenting you. It would be nice if your boyfriend were still doing it but he has a good reason not to. I'd make it a new years resolution to give it a year! If he never goes back to anything loving, leave him then. If 'I'm 34 and don't have time' means your clock is ticking, leave whenever you feel you need to find someone new.

[summer_girl]

His life just got a lot harder because of work and money. You are asking him to give to you emotionally, but do you give to him emotionally? Find out what you can do to support him, even if it means being supportive of him going back to the work he used to do. When you say you are 34 and don't have time for this bs, it sounds like you are only thinking about yourself, not the couple and not the future. If you really do want out, then you should go so he can be free to find somebody else.