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wizzlet · Nov 30, 2010, 05:49 AM

I met a guy I was into through a mutual (gay) friend. They are pretty tight. The guy and I were instantaneously attracted, trip-and-fall-over when we saw each other type of thing. The second time we hung out was at a birthday party and we were both drinking a lot... and spent a messy, sexy night together... at his house... which happened to be across the street from mine. Neither of us were or are looking for anything serious so we kind of laughed about it and agreed it was a great time (even though I knew it was too soon).

In the weeks following I would see him almost every night I made plans with our mutual friend because he would show up, seemingly wherever he could find me. I tried to make plans with him directly he got concerned about 'slowing down', etc. We were not having sex at all at this time, but he was glued to my side when we were out... holding my bag, not letting me pay, etc.

About three weeks into it, it normalized we were making plans directly with each other every night of the week, out having fun until 5AM, and getting intimate only twice (the tension was at fever pitch). A week later, we slowed it down a bit due to busy schedules.

I rang him one night, no answer. I texted a few hours later, nothing. I was out with other friends and ended up walking into one of our 'usual' places to find him there at a table of a bunch of people we both know. I ran for cover. I get a text from our mutual friend saying "i'm sorry this is awkward, he's on a date with some girl". Then the table proceeded to get up and leave (most didn't see me) and the guy walked out without saying a word to me. I was furious and really hurt!

I let him know he upset me and have been pretty cold to him about it. We exchanged a few e-mails and have seen each other twice in the past month since. He gazed at me with his big beautiful eyes and I melted, but returned it with a half smile and icy glance.

He damaged our sweet little friendship with a type of dishonesty I loathe. I suspect he is still seeing the date girl. He sort of apologized to me with words, but certainly not with action. I can't stand it!

Do I leave him on the side of the road? I wouldn't even know how to approach him now. He seems a different person to me.

I wish · Nov 30, 2010, 12:45 PM

He's obviously not serious about you, otherwise, he wouldn't be on a date with another girl.

Quit wasting your time. Dump him and move on.

redhed35 · Nov 30, 2010, 03:03 PM

Did you assume you were both exclusive or did you have a conversation about it?

Were you both just 'having fun' or dating just each other?

Really you just met,nothing was set in stone.
Perhaps you just got caught up in the emotions of sex and lust,maybe even you were daydreaming on the bus about the 'romance'?. maybe not.

The point I'm trying to make is all you both had was flimsy,for me either way I would move on,too messy at this stage and perhaps you may have feelings for him where he does not for you.

mmresd · Dec 2, 2010, 10:33 AM

The way you acted from the beginning with him, with the whole thing of sexy and messy night is the mistake. He is someone that you recently know and you slept with him pretty soon after that, I don't know if you are aware of this but it means that you are looking to have fun, nothing serious. And it also seems as if you never saw this as serious nor a conversation about ANY type of exclusiveness was setup. So, what are you mad about? He wasn't dishonest, he didn't lie to you about anything because he didn't owe anything to you. You two had a "bone-buddy" relationship and you developed feelings, so don't be mad at him if you didn't care to put ground rules. If you expect a male to be exclusive just because you are constantly sleeping together you are WRONG, especially whenever you have not respected yourself and made us respect you since you were so quickly to fall in bed. I don't think you can fix this with this guy because it is clear that his mentality about you is set. But also, you cannot "leave him on the side of the road" because to a certain extent, he has already done that with you. Next time, make sure to make them value you and deserve you before you do anything with them. Otherwise, we will be here for your next post.

Good Luck,

Javi

mmresd · Dec 2, 2010, 10:34 AM

PS. Notice how you call this a 5-week FLING... because that is what it was, nothing more, you just developed feelings, and it happens to us all, but now it is harder to let you, you need to though.

wizzlet · Dec 13, 2010, 04:17 AM

I am incredibly disappointed with ALL of this feedback.

I do not appreciate being made to feel like this guy dumped me, when there was no dumping to be done. Or especially, being made out as some emotionally crazed girl that can't separate sexual feelings from romantic attachment.

I made it very clear that his BEHAVIOR and IMMATURITY surrounding seeing another girl was what ticked me off. I did not feel romantic towards him. We'd developed a FRIENDSHIP. I MADE THIS ALL VERY CLEAR.

I already had stopped speaking to him because I felt he could not treat me or see me as a friend. YES it was a "FLING", but one that had developed into a friendship. AGAIN, WHICH WAS MADE VERY CLEAR.

I was very aware that I slept with him right away. I WAS THE ONE THAT DID IT. I AM ALWAYS FRIENDS WITH MY LOVERS - I was attracted to him and saw no long term romantic potential, so that is why I did. There is no other way do do this in a healthy way.

If I was a weaker person all of your collective advice would have made me extremely insecure and possibly insane. It was terrible advice to give, and you should read people's posts more thoroughly and stop thinking that all women are desperate for boyfriends or lovesick rejected fools. SHAME ON YOU.

GO BACK TO THE 1950's.

I am seeing another guy who is making me quite happy.

Regarding the guy in this post, we have resumed a platonic friendship and he has apologized for the way he acted. Not one of you suggested this as an option which is what my question was about all along.

Chances are this is the last post I will ever make on this site. What a disappointment.

redhed35 · Dec 13, 2010, 04:31 AM

The advice you got was based on opinion, you asked if you should 'leave him on the side of the road' I believe the resounding response to this was yes.

Jake2008 · Dec 13, 2010, 05:16 AM

If you do decide to post again, you should read the rules of the site.

It is not okay to give someone a negative rating, because you do not like the opinion, or response made to your question. That's what we are all here for, to give an opinion. Opinions are not wrong.

Agree or disagree, but please don't disrespect those responding to you, by giving them a negative rating because you don't get the answer you agree with. Just accept it as an opinion, take it or leave it, and move on. If you get some useful information, or helpful information, by all means give the responder positive feedback.

It is also not necessary to 'yell' or 'shout' out a point, or belittle or be disrespectful with insults, toward those taking the time to respond to you.

Please show a little respect the next time you choose to ask for advice.

mmresd · Dec 13, 2010, 08:45 AM

I read what you had to say and advised accordingly. If you don't agree then it is amazing that two people can think differently, but attacking my rep? I was being honest, and sometimes honesty hurts.

mmresd · Dec 13, 2010, 08:50 AM

I don't understand why you would post in ANY website if you are not looking for advise on people with a more objective standpoint, we all understood what you wrote, but we read between the lines too and attack the problem from the root.