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Elle2010 · Dec 10, 2010, 08:03 AM

Things were not great the past year or so, lot of stress in my life. He started to withdraw, and when I asked if he was seeing other women he looked me in the eye and said no. Then I found out he had been on *one date that wasn't going anywhere* I got pissed off and broke it off. Said some terrible things to him, asked for my house keys back, blocked him on my Facebook. I went hot and cold, emailed him I hated him, emailed him I loved him, hated him, loved him OMG! I was crazy! He was my life for 11 years!
Then I begged him to give me another chance, he kept saying he needed to be alone to reflect and sort things out. I didn't give him the space, I hounded him. Finally he agreed to see me and give me closure. He said that he didn't have the same feelings for me anymore. I thought I was going to die right then.
Finally I sent him one last email saying I was sorry, and asked him to forgive me. I wanted us to be friends so I could move on. Its been 3 months since the initial breakup. I can't move on. I want him back so bad.
Trying very hard to have NC with him. HELP!

kctiger · Dec 10, 2010, 08:33 AM

It was an 11 year relationship and no one can tell you this won't be perhaps one of the hardest things you have ever done. You need to let yourself off the hook. Things didn't just end because you were a terrible person. These things happen and they do suck. He chose to go on a date while still in a relationship. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be him.

You are very hurt and confused right now. This is going to take a lot of time. Do you have friends and family to comfort you? I'm hoping you do. Continue to post here, but you have to start with baby steps to get your life back in order and to heal. Continue the NC and start refreshing yourself to life without him. I think learning to forgive yourself is the first step, as there is nothing to forgive.

Elle2010 · Dec 10, 2010, 08:45 AM

Thank you for the very supportive answer. I do have some great friends that Im sure are sick of me whining about *him* The thing is we are not that young anymore, he is now 61 and I am 57. I've lost a decade of my life.

answerme_tender · Dec 10, 2010, 10:06 AM

Elle,

You haven't lost a decade of your life, you lived it. You had your ups and your downs, but it wasn't a waste. So it hasn't worked out, it doesn't mean you life is over, its just means it time to accept the changes that you are going through. I myself have had to deal with these changes in the last 1.5 years. I have had a difficult time getting over it myself, and moving on. Of course the worst problem was that I allowed him to still have contact,you know keeping me hooked!

I realized that I have a lot to offer, and am not willing to just give up living my life rather its alone or with someone! Get out with friends, do something different, maybe some clasess (we are never to old to learn new things). Maybe join some classes at church, who knows just get out,don't sit around giving up on life, its way to precious! Good luck

Elle2010 · Dec 10, 2010, 10:25 AM

Thank you for that. Sorry to hear you also have been in the same situation. Im dating a few guys, not going anywhere. I work out every day lost 35lbs and look better than I have in a long time. All with the hope... one day.. he will come back. So sad.

answerme_tender · Dec 10, 2010, 10:31 AM

I use to wish for samething--that he would come back. But eventually you get to point, wait a minue I deserve better, I deserve someone who wants ME! Who will be there, who I will love and not have to worry about not loving me enough. Don't get me wrong, I still love him, but I also am FINALLY getting to point that I deserve better. Hey, I am a pretty darn good catch!! Also if you really need someone to talk to, don't be ashamed of going to counseling==it does help!

Elle2010 · Dec 10, 2010, 10:37 AM

So you still love him? How long has it been? We know we deserve better. But I keep hoping it WILL be better if we get back together. Why would you want to start all over at 61? I don't really want to start over getting to know someone else. :(

answerme_tender · Dec 10, 2010, 10:48 AM

Yep still love him, and he still tries to contact me through email. He is 58 and Im 47. He is living with another woman, but yet still wants to get together with me, see he uses her for security financially! But must not enjoy the bedroom with her!!

The worse is that I was warned by his ex-wife that he was selfesh man, but he is also a great charmer, I just didn't believe her, he had me believing that she was making it all up because she was an mean alcoholic!! I should have listened!! Almost everything she ever said about him turned out to be true!! He is just a user, but unfortuantely I haven't been able to shut of my love. But I am learning to move on, and eventually I will be able to look back and be thankful I didn't get stuck with this loser for rest of my life!!

I don't care what our ages are, there is someone out there for us! Let me tell you, I am not going to lose that opportunity by wasting anymore tears on a man that will not come back, and to be honest --I wouldn't want him back! So yes I date, have meet some real nice men, no one special yet, but hey I'm have my hopes!!

Wondergirl · Dec 10, 2010, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by Elle2010

Why would you want to start all over at 61? I dont really want to start over getting to know someone else.

Ah, by now you know who you are and what you're capable of. As a result, it's so comforting to find a soulmate in your senior years (or whatever you want to call them). The two of you bring all your life experiences and education and wisdom into the relationship. Working on crossword puzzles or listening to old standards or watching old movies together can be so such much more fun than doing it alone.

Elle2010 · Dec 10, 2010, 01:18 PM

To Answerme
Sounds as though your guy is still trying to play games. And he lives with someone else? How that must hurt! To Wondergirl, I never thought of myself as senior LOL. I am still a very vibrant and attractive person! I can still turn heads, just not his :(.
The last time I saw him, after he told me he didn't have the same feelings, he followed by saying *wow you look great! Too bad it took this breakup... * I told him that if he ever changed his mind and wanted to give us another chance, I would b waiting for him.He responded *By that time you will have someone else and it will be too late* What does that even mean? He was married twice before, and both his marriages only lasted 6 years. We had 11!
I never thought a broken heart could be an actual physical pain in the chest. Its really debilitating! Every moment I want to text him or email him. God give me strength!

Wondergirl · Dec 10, 2010, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Elle2010

I never thought of myself as senior LOL. I am still a very vibrant and attractive person! I can still turn heads, just not his .

The age of 61 was mentioned, and to me, that's senior -- not elderly. Most women I know who are over 61 can still turn heads, play sports, rollerblade, take children and grandchildren rafting or on camping/hiking vacations (and not in the RV), and are very active in their communities. I'm over 61 and proud of it!

Guilty_Girl · Jan 3, 2011, 12:53 PM

There's a possibility he'd realise your value after you leave him. Only when you stop whining about him and begin to be happy, he might get attracted to you again. Just be happy with yourself. You are 57 or 97, it doesn't matter. All that attracts people anywhere, at any age is the smile and joy you exhibit. So be happy and stop whining or worrying anymore. You are not alone in the world. Just eat, drink, listen to music, read a book, or do some interesting things to distract yourself. Visit new places, play with kids, and forget yourself. Don't look down. Look up! Okay? Be happy. God bless you and keep you.