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Luhv123 · Dec 7, 2010, 04:34 PM

I'm 15 and pregnant. I've been pregnant before and had an abortion, I'm still with the babyfather, he was the father to my first child and is to this one. I have a great family and I know I could finacially support my child with no problem. I told myself if I got pregnant again I would keep it, I'm more worried weather me and my babyfather would last for the fact he is a senior this year and wants to join he army. I don't want my child beginng to grow up without a father, but I don't want to be following him all across the world until I finish school. I'm just stuck in an akward position. Please I need advise ASAP !

tickle · Dec 7, 2010, 04:43 PM

Yes, you are stuck in a difficult position and I really do hope your family are behind you, especially after the first abortion. You and your fellow have a lot to sort out if you say he wants to join the Army. If he wants to do this, then he wants to escape his responsibility to you and the baby you both made possible. You haven't said how old he is, possibly a little older then you, and he got off really easy the first time AT YOUR EXPENSE, emotionally and physically, my dear.

I don't know what to say to you. I have a lot of words to say, but I just cant.

Where are your mom and dad ? Why did you and that person not learn your lessons the first time.

This is too upsetting.

You had better sit down and talk talk and talk and talk with someone who cares about you and your welfare.

Tick

DoulaLC · Dec 7, 2010, 04:52 PM

It is tough situation but a manageable one. You are ahead of the game with having good family support because they will be your life line.

There is no way to know if your relationship with the baby's father will last. Sometimes they do in these situations, sometimes they don't.

Now is the time to focus on what you need to accomplish in order to get yourself in the best possible position to provide for your child. Even more so if you may be raising him/her on your own at some point. Talk with a counselor at school to find out about programs to help make sure you get your education finished. If there is a goal you have for a career that requires college, you can still have that option to work towards.

Talk frequently with your boyfriend so that the two of you are on the same page in regard to what the expectations will be. Communication and commitment will be key.

Who knows, depending on what job he goes for in the army, he may remain stateside, or you may indeed have to be prepared to deal with some separation at some point. Regardless, he will still be responsible with helping care for his child whether you are still together or not. All of that is down the road.

For now, focus on school and taking care of yourself. Start on prenatal vitamins, make any lifestyle changes that you know would be wise... what you eat and drink, no smoking, getting plenty of rest, some regular exercise, etc.. Learn what you can about pregnancy, and later on childbirth, so that you can be as prepared as possible.

Luhv123 · Dec 7, 2010, 05:39 PM

My babyfather is 17 soon to be 18, the first time was an mistake. Alothought I made the mistake the first time I hadn't planned on making it again. It just happened. But thanks for the advice.

Alty · Dec 7, 2010, 05:58 PM

I have a great family and I know I could finacially support my child with no problem.

I have a question about the above part of your post. You say you can financially support your child. You, or your family? I can't see a 15 year old making enough to support herself, much less herself and a child.

If you keep this baby you have to plan to do it as a single mom. The fact is that the odds are stacked against you and the baby's father staying together.

So, can you afford all the prenatal care? If you're in the states do you have $10,000 - $15,000 set aside for the cost of delivery? Do you have money set aside for a crib, car seat, stroller, clothes, diapers, etc. etc. etc. Where will you live? Who will take care of the baby while you work? Do you have a job? Does your boyfriend have a job?

There's a lot to consider here. You have choices, the baby doesn't. If you decide to be a mom, make sure you are a mom, and not just a 15 year old playing house.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 7, 2010, 06:01 PM

At 15 or at 20 or at 40, you have no "for sure" that you will stay with or be with the father of the child or any boyfriend.
With 1/2 of all marriages ending in divorce and many ending after 10 and 15 years of marriage.

The relationship with the father, is the idea before you sleep with them and before you have a baby with them. Not the reason to keep or not keep a child.