[broken_spirit]

This a complicated story. I'm married with an infant but still can not forget my past life. I have doctorate degree and my ex wife was too. She loved one of her classmate that had turned her down. Around that time she met me and we fell in love and got married (I guess it was a rebound for her). We were together for 7 years till I noticed something was wrong and she wasn't herself for a while. I kept asking her what was wrong and she gave me honest answer that she has seen the guy online and found out he was still single and she has feeling for him and loves him more than me.

At that momemnt I couldn't believe what I was hearing for the next two months I tried to keep the marriage together and begged her and talked to her and cried several times, but things were getting worse and her family got involved and instead of helping made situation worse, so I got to a point that I decided to divorce her, because of uncertainty for my future. She told me many things that broke my heart and spirit like I don't want to have kid with you so my dream to get to other guy won't get ruined.

After I got divorce, I remarried in couple of months and within a year we have a baby. But I still can not forget my ex. She was my first and I loved her a lot and appreciated her a lot. Later on I found out my ex and the other guy didn't get married and she's still single. I tried to reach out to my family and seek professional counselling but got turned down. I was on anti depression pills for few months and gained 40 pounds so stopped taking it, and haven't been able to lose the weight. I'm in a bad mental and emotional situation. I feel I aged 20 years or more only during the past one year and half.

One of the major thing that bothers me a lot is my current wife has no college education and at the beginning she promised to get college degree, eventually with my encouragement she got into 2 year college and I tried many things to help her get college education like coming home and baby sitting, helping her with homework,. But she's not taking education seriously enough and I'm afraid this plus my feelings for my past will end up in another divorce. She's a good woman and does a lot around the house but it's not what I want and satisfies me. I love my baby to death. But, my life situation is killing me. I still cries for hours and have thought of ending my life once. So I decided to seek help online. Any help will be appreciated.

[JoeSwede]

Hm, I really don't know what to say about you getting married so fast as well as getting a kid. Now that you've done that you have to accept it and put all of your heart into it. You need to take control of your life quickly and make sure that you do everything possible to get over your ex through NC and start thinking seriously about how you want your life to be. Your main focus needs to be yourself and your kid.

This sounds really serious and I'm not an expert so I wouldn't only take my advice.You will most probably get more help and advice from people around here that will help a lot, but you will also have to seek professional help if you don't feel better soon.

You need to be really honest with yourself and set up goals with how you're going to get out of this emotional situation.

Best of luck.

[talaniman]

You need a good lesson in accepting people, and yourself for what they are, and realizing what you can control, and what you cannot.

Only then can you see reality, and deal with things in a practical, logical way, and stop trying to bend the world, and everyone in it to your standard as to how things should be, and how people should act. When you can accept the world and the people in it for what they are, then you will go a long way of knowing that the only thing you can control is YOURSELF, YOUR ATTITUDE, and what you do with your own feelings.

Its not to late to look around and see reality for what it is, and learn to cope with your own feelings especially when things are not going your way. Its best I think to get an impartial third party who can guide you through the process of seeing life as it is, and dealing with it on its own terms, instead of frustrating yourself by seeking happiness through the control of others.

Think about it, you have a lovely wife and child, but your not happy because she is not a brilliant, successful professional woman. What a crock of crap she wasn't when you married her. But she is a good woman and you should be grateful, and appreciates what she does do for you, instead of being an unsatisfied sourpuss.

Get some help and get an attitude adjustment, and you may be surprised at all the good you see.

I tried to reach out to my family and seek professional counseling but got turned down.

Go on your own to a doctor you trust, and let him manage your medications, and instead of stopping them for weight gain, let him adjust the meds for better results. If you need more help than that, he can refer something, or someone to fit your needs, and all you have to do is be honest with him, and make the effort he prescribes for yourself. I bet your wife will be more than happy to support you in this if you are honest with her.

Good Luck!

[answerme_tender]

First of all get off the pity pot, its unbecomming for a man your age! You would cause the same pain that your ex wife did to you to your current wife!! Oh, Im sorry I forgot you have an excuse why you have been heart broken! Whoa, what--wait a minute you can't be heart broken because you would know how terrible of a feeling that is and would NOT want to cause that pain to someone else.

You know something, you need to get your educated self off your high horse come down to real world and look around buddy, its not your first wife who is with your 40lb overweight depressed A**, its your current WIFE. You remember her, the woman who loved you enough to actually give birth to your child!

You know your ex-wife thought the grass was greener on the other side, and she found out it must not of been. Are you willing to throw away everything to see if the grass is greener on the otherside, or will your ex-wife even give you a chance to check out the other side, she didn't want you before!

You need to get back to counseling, it might be good idea to include you WIFE. As a couple join a gym, exercise together. You may think my opinion is harsh, but why throw everything away for a woman who threw your love back in your face first!

[jessi72]

Well, this is quite a predicament. I am also highly educated and very demanding of myself in matters intellectual. I can relate very well to your need of having an equal partner as your spouse, but I did not choose to marry someone that met those particular criteria - doctorate/masters/bachelor - as they are not real in terms of "opposite-sex-selection". I can tell you for certain that the people who killed my spirit on several occasions were exactly the ones that matched my resume - highly educated, and the one who made me happy and turned my life around through love, understanding and a lot of attention is quite normal in terms of univ degrees:) basic college. Look back and analyse your ex's behaviour - her obsession with her former love interest, her lying (you can do that, right? You do have a phd and phds should be quite rational and intelligent people), her emotional cheating. You stood no chance with that woman to begin with. She never loved you, she just settled for a while. I've always praised a good mind, but I also have demands from it. Use it! Do not resort to meds and other inferior solutions.

[jessi72]

I have to admit I love your answers everywhere