[Renegade_Curse]

My girlfriend of two years just broke up with me and I am having difficulties letting go. A little of our history.
We started long distance I would constantly talk on webcam, text most of the day. Until Spring Break when she came down to visit. It was an amazing time, then she went back to Oregon for school. We continue to talk and she decided she want to move back here to be with me. I was not ready or had the financial means to move in with her, so she moved in with a friend of hers. We never parted company for the next couple of months, the issues that popped up was she came here for me, and there were moment when I wanted to be alone.

She felt it wasn't right for her to need me all the time but she did. I am unsure on what to think about this. She moved out of her friend place and into college housing place, I spent the night with her there most of the time. During this time I take her to the hospital because she has pain everywhere, she would lie there a writhe in pain. It hurt to watch, I never leave her side during this time, I fought with doctors because I wouldn't leave her side and I will stay past visiting hours, she was in the ICU for three days. I slept upright in a hospital chair the whole time.

Two weeks later she was released from the hospital, she is still a minor 17 going on 18 and I am 19 years old at the time. Her parents decide to force her to drop out of college and move back to Oregon until she felt better. This was devastating for her, she worked hard for everything here, she barley managed to get her awesome scholarship back, it worked out all right. Now our relationship was long distance again. While she was there she told me that she really missed me was having trouble sleeping. I started to fall asleep on webcam with her to keep her company, she slept better.

After about two months she moves back to Idaho to be with me again, she looks for an apartment that only she is in so I can come visit her all the time and not have to worry about roommate or anything like that. She finds that apartment but I keep having her come over to my place and hang with me here, I still lived with my parents at the time, I had a job that would only work me for one day a week.. I wasn't really trying hard to find another job.. She would do it anyway, she would come over and fall asleep with me and sneak out around 6 so not to get caught..

I realize now that this was a retarded move on my part I figure this out. I lose my job and I start looking for more work, I get a working opportunity to work in Alaska for 45-60$ an hour full time. This is really good money and I decide to take the job, mean while I spending almost every night at her apartment now. While in Alaska we talk every night and fall asleep on webcam when she want to. During this time she is kind of growing apart from me, or so it seems at the time. One day she calls and breaks up with me.. I am crushed. I was out of town that weekend and I drove back home.

When I got back I called her and asked why, she couldn't tell me, she had to see me to be sure, I bought her a plane ticket up here. When she got here it was like the conversation never happens. It was spring break all over again. She cried when I dropped her off at the airport.. I told her I would move into a new place with her starting in July however July roll around and my work has not slowed down. I tell her I am going to stay to make more money, she is upset with me but tells me that if she had the opportunity to make several thousand more dollars she would take it too.

Meanwhile a friend of mine loses their job for Alaska Airlines and they have guest passes to use up, so we decide to take a trip to Hawaii they give my girlfriend a ticket to come up here then leave for Hawaii. She has always want to do this, it was one of her dreams. We go to Hawaii and had a great time, better than Spring Break. She told me that she has considered proposing to me at the time. But she didn't know what to think she was caught up in the moment of Hawaii.. She believes I am coming back with her to Oregon then going to Idaho to move in, but I needed to go back to Alaska to get my bank and finances moved to a better bank. I do this and come back to Idaho and immediately pack and drive to move in with her. She found a nice apartment for us to move in and got everything settled. I didn't help her... Another bad thing on my part. We move in and it goes all right, I am not really good at cleaning, I am not messy but by ex is really strict about cleaning because of her health, everything needs to be clean. I ask her how to clean the shower and such, the kitchen. I can clean, just not as well as she needs.

Me asking her this make her stressed she wants someone who just does it right. I want to. I just need to be shown. I get the hang of it and I start doing this on time, when they need to be done. This are starting to get better when she is Hospitalized again. Something that has always come between us is health, I would always tell her she is not getting sick when she says she it. Truth be told I didn't want to see her in pain again, it was hard the first time. Anyway I start to listen to her now, She has another episode, she is lying on the floor writhing in pain, screaming, I take her to an urgent care place, I phone ahead to the ER and they had a long wait, I just wanted the pain to go away. Anyway, this urgent care has a long wait so they send me to the other one. I go there and they get her settled down and the pain goes away for the most part. But the urgent care can't treat her. So they transfer her to the hospital.

I know we are having difficulties as a couple by now, but I never leave her side for nine days. She has a paranoid episode while in the hospital because the painkiller built up in her system, she didn't believe she was in the hospital and though we were playing a sick joke on her. I never leave her side because she is scared she tells me she needs me. The day she was released needs in home heath care she decides to move back into her parents place for a week to recover while I look for a job. I don't mind her parents, I don't like the way they treat her. Anyway I visit her twice a week, they lived about an hour away, I could afford more than that. She moves back in and something is off.. She has her wisdom teeth taken out for medical reasons and I help her recover from that by having random movie marathons with her.

During this time she tells me she can't live here anymore, it causes her a lot of stress to be a relationship with me, she needs a break. I don't want this, for the longest time I have been trying to change, I failed out of college three times, not I am getting back in because I want to. I am a lot of talk, she doesn't really see the effort I put into getting into college at the time, which wasn't much, I was accepted I missed this first semester, so I have to wait to registar. Meanwhile I am job hunting, but I try to be home by the time she gets back from school so we can spend time together. One of this things that pained her is we don't really seem to do much, I don't have the money I need every penny I am paying completely for this apartment, she doesn't work yet and is job hunting as I am. That is another mistake I made, you don't need money to do stuff. There are walks, bike rides, etc...

Meanwhile, she told me that she never really got to do the whole dating this, yeah we went on dates but, we became serious really fast, maybe to fast. So I promised her I would take a week to get my thoughts organized and I would court her. So a week goes by, I don't spend much time at the apartment, I am out there bugging people for jobs, anything to help. Anyway, I finally ask her out on a date and she agrees, I don't have the money to take her out so I planned on making her dinner, I had everything set up, she got a internship that she really wanted and worked on for. I baked her a cupcake for as congratulations. I picked her up and something was off again. I surprised her with the dinner, when she saw it she started crying I asked her what was wrong and she told be that I put a lot of effort into this, but she wasn't coming back.. She said she still loves me, more than anything, but it doesn't seem like we have much in common.

I believe we do, both of a biggest goals in to help people and explore the world. We both like to hang out with people, dance. I was just two steps behind her. She is doing well in school, I am just getting started. I drop her off, I tell her that I still love her and that I'll miss her. I told her that I am going back home for tday to be with the famliy. On the bus ride down we talk for a little bit I tell her what's on my mind, not much changed.

Sometime over course the week she find letters that I had written to her while I was in Alaska and some I wrote to her while she was living with her cousins here in Oregon after she left the apartment and I was to date her. She called me and said that she was going to regret saying this but she read the letter and really missed me, and wanted things to work out, she said she loves me She want me to start doing to little things she used to do for me for her, to make her feel special.. I want to do those things anyway, I will do them things like bring her lunch if she is going to have a long day at school. We talk more over the break and I finally come back, she is having trouble at the place she is staying out, they are not very nice so she moves back in with me temp.

She said she would giving anything to move back in with me and say everything is all right, but she cant, she feels I need to do some things on my own. But she has nowhere else to go. I let her stay, while we I act kind of awkward, I don't really know if I should act as if we are together or not. But she told me that I am the only one in the picture right now I she needs sometime not being anyone girlfriend. All she knows is being my girlfriend. I told her that the only thing I want is for her to be happy. She told me that she doesn't want to be my girlfriend anymore, that she still loves me and cares deeply for me, I am still her best friend but she doesn't feel in love with me. I asked her for another chance, she said no.. I asked again I just wanted to show her whom I had become. I realized now that this was wrong, I am pushing her further away. I learned that changing for a relationship, although not wrong, I should have made these changes for me, going to school is something I want, I don't want to lose her, now I have no intention of talking to her about us.. I need to move on, I want her back so bad though.

I am a firm believer that the feelings she had for me don't go away, they become buried or something and need time to heal. I am slowly moving on, its hard because I am still stuck in the apartment that we shared together, I am wondering what I can do to win her back, whether it be give her space or what. I also want her to be happy.. so maybe I should back off and let her be happy in someone else's arms.. Only she can decide what makes her happy. Thoughts? Advice? I am being an idiot? Should I just leave the pieces on the floor and move on?

[ironhide262]

OK... fist off... major long story dude. I know you thought it was inportant to include everything but, just summerize a bit. Like everyone else , I go crosseyed with out any paragraphs. Just some reasons no one has resonded to your post yet.

Anyway. You asked her for another chance and she was pretty clear... NO. You have been struggling with this relationship for a while now and it looks more like you have been the one trying to hold it together. Hey, you tried. But, she wants/needs her space right now and you should give it to her. Any chasing after her on your part will only drive her away further. The only thing that will bring her back is herself.

My advice would be to go No Contact. Yes, move on... focus on that job and school. It seems like you were trying really hard to juggle her needs as well as everything else. Now you need to focus on all those things that are important to YOU. Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page.. there's some helpful advice there. Just keep busy ,stay posative... it really does get better with time. Best of luck!

[pandead]

I couldn't agree more.

I really tried to read it all but got stuck at some point. Paragraphs would be nice :confused:

And I think she just got tired of trying (from what I read, of course.) She's right, you need to do things on your own, she's been the center of your life the whole time. Focus on your life and leave her alone. Good luck.

[talaniman]

I thinks its time to leave this struggling past relationship behind you, and stand on your own, and get your life together. She is really to needy, and wishy washy for a struggling young guy to handle at this time and you have much to do for yourself, and your future than putting so much on hold, trying to please her.

You both need time, and space to put your lives together. Apart from each other. Hey we all lose loves when more important things are needing to be taken care of, and honestly, you didn't help each other succeed at that very well while together.

I hope you both find success being apart.

[tree_of_life]

I understand that people are telling you to move on, it seemingly is what is best for you... you are very young and will probably have many more breakups and loves lost... all I will say is this... love is endless and actually if you really love someone it sets you free... you don't need to be with someone physically or indulge in sexual pleasures with someone to feel love... I lost my girlfriend over 11 years ago, I have dated countless women and still I love her, I can't commit to another woman because of it... and it doesn't mean it makes me unhappy, quite the opposite..
Haha the girl in question probably thinks I'm crazy... but love is crazy

Feel the love my friend and connect