[Yanine]

What should I do? I'm 18 and have an irregular period my period doesn't come that often and sometimes delays about 5-3 months sometimes more.. I asked my doctor once and I asked her if it was normal she said yes.. my boyfriend and I have unprotected sex and I usually buy the take home test and they always show negative:( I don't know if I can get pregnant or if I am or not what should I do?? Its hard to deal with this problem when your desperate for a child...

[J_9]

Yes, this can be normal for some women, it could depend on your weight, are you overweight or underweight? It could just be normal for you. Also, yes you can still get pregnant.

I am curious though why you are so desperate to get pregnant at the tender age of 18.

Do you have any idea what it is like to raise a child alone? Now, babysitting and "practically raising" a brother or sister does not count. It is nowhere near the same.

The reason I say alone is because you are not married. It is SOOOO easy for the man to walk out when the times get tough, and they will, if you are not married. It is much harder, not to mention more expensive, if you are married.

Also, do you know the cost of raising a child? Are you financially well off? You should be to have a child, and I don't know too many 18 year olds that can actually afford this.

One last thought. Will you be ready to be a grandmother at age 36? If you have a baby when you are 18 and your baby has a baby when she is 18, that will make you a GRANDmother at age 36. I am 42 and I know I am not ready to be a grandmother. I remind my 2 oldest sons of that every once in a while. LOL

[Yanine]

im not over weight and im not underweight im 5'0 and i weigh 110.. i know im not married and i know im youn but i want to know how it feels to become a mother i know its a wonderful feeling and i love kids so much... i know its not the same as raising a little brother or sister i know its gonna be hard but i know its possible for me to do it.. its just what should i do should i wait and see what happens over the years should i keep trying what should i do???:confused:

[J_9]

No, your weight is perfect. That is good.

But what is not good is this:

i know im youn but i want to know how it feels to become a mother

Becoming a mother and being a mother are two totally different things. You cannot be a mother if you are not mentally, emotionally, and financially prepared to do so. In having a child without being so prepared you deprive the child of certain important elements.

its a wonderful feeling

Until the child gets colic, or throws up all over you, or meningitis (like mine at 7 months old), pneumonia (like mine last week), or discipline problems, etc, etc... Shall I go on?

i know its gonna be hard but i know its possible for me to do it..

So are you financially prepared? How much money do you make per hour? What kind of job do you have? Will they let you take off for days or even weeks at a time if your baby is sick? Do you have health insurance for yourself? Can you afford health insurance for the baby?

Do you have enough money for diapers (thousands before they are potty trained), formula if you plan not to nurse, or if you can't breastfeed (some women cannot breast feed), baby food, clothes, vaccinations, doctor's visits, etc, etc.

i love kids so much

This is not a valid reason for having a child out of wedlock, especially at your age. When he pukes all over you and keeps you up for 48 hours or more because he is having a reaction to a medication and is hyper and cannot sleep, trust me, you will love him, but you won't like him. You will be too tired to like ANYONE at that point.

Loving kids and being a mother are again two totally different things.

what should i do???:confused:

You are VERY young right now Yanine, VERY young. What you should do in the best interest of the child in question is wait until you are married and can afford to vest a lifetime into this child. I have 4 kids, the oldest 2 are older than you and the youngest is 4. You learn that you have an "extra appendage" so to speak. You can do nothing without that child at your side, not bathe, not go to the bathroom, NOTHING!! You can't do anything alone anymore. That child becomes your shadow.

I do not mean to offend, and it may sound harsh, but from your answer here, you do not seem ready for the responsibility a child carries.

Please think long and hard about this decision. It is not one in which you can change your mind once the morning sickness hits, or the baby is screaming uncontrollably at all hours of the day and night. This is something that lasts a lifetime, and once that decision is made, there is no turning back.

[Yanine]

i know i may not sound like im ready yes i have a job and im going to school i get paid very well and in two weeks i make about average 1200 i know me saying i love kids so much is not a good reason i know and the things i said may not sound that im ready i want a child so bad but if i mean god doesnt want to bless me than i guess i have to live with that right?? what u tell me really helps me and i thank you for taking the time to reply to my stupid questions its that i really want to become a mother.. :(

[J_9]

Your questions are not stupid. I used to feel that way too, so I do understand.

I had my first at age 22. I thought I was ready. Please note that I said I THOUGHT I was ready. Until he had colic and I could not stop the pain that I thought he was going through, until he poured a caustic substance into his cereal bowl while I was in the bathroom, until he had a reaction to benadryl that kept him up for 72 hours straight.


2400 bucks a month is great, but it is not quite enough to provide for all of the baby's needs as well as shelter, utilitites and food.

Yes, I understand that you want to be a mother, I guess in a way all of us women do. But sometimes we have to hear what may hurt to make us realize that we are not ready.

You say you have a good job, does it provide health insurance? Do you understand that you have to pay for health insurance for the baby if not yourself with most insurance companies here in the U.S. I don't know where you are from, but here in the U.S. insurance for family members is not free.

You say you are a student? Well, be prepared to possibly have to give school up. Either school or work, one of the two. Otherwise you will not have the time to devote to the child that the child deserves.

You are not married. I am sure you understand how easy it is for one member of the couple to walk away when the times get hard, money gets tight, etc. Usually, not always, but usually it is the man. Leaving the child in a broken home. Yes, people do divorce, but it is harder and more expensive to split up once you are married.

Now, can you tell me the reasons you want to become a mother? We can work from there.

Yanine, please think about this. At your age you should still be enjoying your independence, parties with friends, evenings out to dinner and a movie with a loved one, and many more. You will give the ALL up to stay home with a sick kid, changing diapers, pacing the floors to get the baby to sleep because you are so tired your eyes are crossing, while all our friends are out at the bar having a good time.

This is a very SERIOUS decision. It really does not seem as though you understand the depths of the responsibilities involved.

[Yanine]

I know that what I make its not enough I know... the reason of becoming a mother there's too many... becoming a mother is wathcing your baby take his/her first step their fisrt word. Calling you mommy... being able to celebrate their birth day and having the love that's stronger than any other love out there and that you know that the love is true... I know that once you become a parent its hard I know that and the money you will spend it will be a lot but the love of a child is priceless and I want someone that I can love and nurish I want a baby so I can love and take care of... I know that I will have to give up a lot as far as going out, and going out to parties I know that but the reason I will give up all that it will be worth it.. I rather be at home taking care of my baby than being in the streets and not knowing what can happen next.. I rather leave anything and everything aside to spend every last second and minute that I can with my own flesh and blood.. but like I said its now up to me its up to GOD and I know that here the U.S. its hard now in these days because I live in California I know its really hard but when you have the love and support of your family that's enough for me... but maybe I should just take your advice and think about it a little longer

[Yanine]

i know that what i make its not enough i know...the reason of becomeing a mother theres too many...becoming a mother is wathcing ur baby take his/her first step their fisrt word. calling u mommy...being able to celebrate their birth day and haveing the love thats stronger than any other love out there and that u know that the love is true....i know that once you become a parent its hard i know that and the money you will spend it will be a lot but the love of a child is priceless and i want someone that i can love and nurish i want a baby so i can love and take care of... i know that i will have to give up a lot as far as going out, and going out to parties i know that but the reason i will give up all that it will be worth it.. i rather be at home taking care of my baby than being in the streets and not knowing what can happen next.. i rather leave anything and everything aside to spend every last second and minute that i can with my own flesh and blood.. but like i said its now up to me its up to GOD and i know that here the the U.S. its hard now in these days because i live in california i know its really hard but when u have the love and support of ur family thats enough for me... but maybe i should just take ur advice and think about it a little longer

[J_9]

becoming a mother is wathcing ur baby take his/her first step their fisrt word.

That is not necessarily becoming a mother. You may not see that if your child is in daycare.

calling u mommy...

I'll call you mommy if that will help, LOL, not a real reason either. Having someone call you Mommy does not make you a mother.

i know that what i make its not enough i know

Then why even consider it now. You do not make enough.

the love of a child is priceless

Well, the love of the child comes naturally to the child, until a certain age. Then if you cannot afford the child, as they get older they get more expensive, the child may begin to resent you for bringing it into the world when you knew you could not afford it.

The love of the child may be priceless, but the care and feeding is not.

being able to celebrate their birth day

It feels hollow in your heart if you cannot afford presents or a birthday cake.

i want someone that i can love and nurish i want a baby so i can love and take care of

Just another reason that shows you are not ready. You can't take care of it properly if you can't afford it. This statement is just, forgive me, but selfish. You are thinking about you, not the child's best interests.

its really hard but when u have the love and support of ur family thats enough for me...

Love and support do not always equal a good mother. You must have emotional and psychological maturity. Maybe it is good enough for you, but it is not always good enough for the baby.

Yanine, please stop thinking about you. Start thinking about the baby.

Your statements are, again I am sounding harsh, but if I can save one child's life from living in a broken home I will.

Have you talked to your mother about this? I think it may be time. Stop thinking of you, talk to your parents, to your boyfriend. Does he want to be tied down for the rest of his life right now?

You can't be so selfish as to think of how it makes YOU feel. You are involving MANY people here, not just you.

[nytaxquestion]

i know that what i make its not enough i know...the reason of becomeing a mother theres too many...becoming a mother is wathcing ur baby take his/her first step their fisrt word. calling u mommy...being able to celebrate their birth day and haveing the love thats stronger than any other love out there and that u know that the love is true....i know that once you become a parent its hard i know that and the money you will spend it will be a lot but the love of a child is priceless and i want someone that i can love and nurish i want a baby so i can love and take care of... i know that i will have to give up a lot as far as going out, and going out to parties i know that but the reason i will give up all that it will be worth it.. i rather be at home taking care of my baby than being in the streets and not knowing what can happen next.. i rather leave anything and everything aside to spend every last second and minute that i can with my own flesh and blood.. but like i said its now up to me its up to GOD and i know that here the the U.S. its hard now in these days because i live in california i know its really hard but when u have the love and support of ur family thats enough for me... but maybe i should just take ur advice and think about it a little longer

Hi Yanine,

When I read your posts I was struck by 2 things. First, someone once told me that the reason so many young women want to become parents is that they are trying to fill a void in their own life - namely the lack of love from a parent or significant other. They believe that even though everyone else doesn't love them this one person will. Unfortunately it doesn't always work like that. The baby won't know what is going on for the first year, but as everyone else has said you will be working so hard between providing for the child (do not count on your boyfriend here) and caring for your child that you will barely notice. They probably will love you for the next few years, until they start to resent you or until you decide you can't handle the child and it is given to someone else to raise. Even if you manage everything OK, how long do you think it will be until he/she starts to feel that same longing that you are feeling now. How old is your own mother? Perhaps she went through the same thoughts that you did. It would be worth talking to her about it.

The second thing that I thought was that nowhere in your post did you mention going to college. I don't know how you earn your living but given the way the economy is evolving you HAVE to get an education if you want to have a future. With Wal-Mart putting in automatic cashiers even service jobs appear to be in jeopardy. Furthermore, $30k per year really isn't all that much when you start thinking about a) raising a child - diapers, formula, day care, etc and b) saving $ and c) eventually buying a house. Let's not talk about statistics like how a child costs on average $165,000 to raise a child from birth to age 18 (that's before college). In California you would be hard pressed to buy a home for under $500k, but for the sake of argument let's use that figure. I'm going to be really reckless here and assume you only put 5% down. That's $25,000 by the way that you will have to save on top of everything else. At 6% (you won't qualify for a 6% mortgage making that kind of salary and that little downpayment but that's a discussion for another day) you would spend more than your entire monthly salary on your mortgage alone, not including taxes, maintenance, living costs, etc. What kind of future do you expect to have if you don't go to school?

Finally you have your entire life ahead of you. I remember being 18 (and I hate the fact that I can say that now) and thinking I was so grown up and mature. I really wasn't. When I think about the decisions that I made then versus the ones that I make now I am so grateful that I didn't do anything overly stupid. What I'm trying to say is that if you so desperately want a baby at 18 why not take a year, or two, or five even to discover who YOU are before losing that to someone else? You will be a better person for it and perhaps even a better mother for it. Why put yourself through something now that you can prevent? Once you go down the route of motherhood you will ALWAYS be a mother. You need to make sure that you are really ready for that.

Best of luck to you!

[buggage]

I just wanted to add something. You keep saying that it isn't up to you, its up to God. Well, that is true. And while the Lord may not bless with a child until He knows you are ready, He may do just the opposite. The Lord works in mysterious ways and He knows our hearts better then we do. Sometimes we can be very stubbord and hard headed people. And we say "well, if He wants me to have one, He will give me one" but in reality we are saying " I will keep trying and keep pushing nad keep bugging until He sees how ready I am, and until I get my wish" Have you ever heard the phrase " sometimes the Lord calms the sea, sometimes He calms the sailor, and sometimes He just lets us swim?" Basically He always has our best interest at heart, but when we don't have our own best interest at heart, sometimes He has to show us. He may bless you with a baby just to show you how unready you are, then instead of being as ready as you could have been, it will be so much harder. You are just setting yourself up for a harder path. And if you don't fare your "test" well, you are setting your child up for a harder start to life. I wanted a baby since I was just 10-13 years old. But I waited because I wanted to make sure I was married and ready. I got married to my one true love at 19, and one month later, I was preggy. I thought I was ready then, but let me tell you, I was sooooo wrong. I was a lot more mature then most my age, because of life expereinces, and I was married, but you know what? I still wasn't ready. I love my son more then life itself, and don't regret my decision, but it was soooo hard at times, not just on me, but on my hubby nad our baby. If we hadn't been married, it would have been so easy to go our own ways. Not because we didn't love each other. But because of the incredible stress on you emotionally and physically. My hubby had to work, and so it was ALL on me to get up with baby. So I was up every single hour, all night long. Diaper change, feeding, sometimes clothes changes, back down to bed. One hour later. Diaper change, feeding, baby puke down the inside of my shirt, have to change, then have to change him again because he pooped and it when tup his back. Back down for bed. All through the night. And of course hubby was grouchy because he still got woke up every time baby cried, so he didn't get much sleep. Then you add on the stress of money. Diapers, clothes, doctor appointments, and medications, toys, binkis, bathing things, cribs, swings. For those first years, the love comes slowly from your baby. They are just starting and learning so much, and you give give give. You love them so much, but the exhaustion catches up to you. If you are working, you have to pay for child care, and the decision of letting someone else raise the child that you wanted so badly. Now you want to be a mommy, and raise that baby, but you cant, because you are busy with school, and work, and just surviving. Before you know it, your baby is growing up. You miss their first word, their first crawl, their first steps. And sometimes that baby is even more comfortable with the baby sitter then with you, because they never see you. Being a mommy is such a precious thing. Don't let it get cluttered and overshadowed with the stress of not being ready for it. Take it from someone that learned it from a young age too. Our son is now two nad we are now preggy with our second son. We wouldn't trade them for anything. But there is no denying that it was a shaky start. You also have to think of your social life. That changes dramatically. ESP if they have kids too. If their kids are wild nad misbehaved, you won't want your child around the, because he will start to act that way too, or you are afraid he'll get picked on. Your child dictates who your friends are, believe it or not. And there isn't a whole lot in the way of alone time. Its all family from then on. And that is wonderful. But it can be draining, and sometime lonely. Just keep these in mind