[Neco84]

I will truly appreciate your opinion guys!
My girlfriend and I broke up around mid October of this year. She said she didn't feel the same love that I was feeling (aka "falling out of love") and... blah blah and went back home to school but we still talk, and I have now reached the point of not only agreeing with the breakup but beginning to accept it. Please trust me by knowing this acceptance was NOT easy for me!
Right after the breakup was very difficult to say the least! She accused me of sleeping with her friend (which I didnt), accused me of hacking into her email account (another thing I didn't do), texted me cause she found out I was going on a date and wished me well by saying "have fun on your rebound date!!!!!!" (showing obvious signs of jealousy), saying she couldn't be friends on Facebook cause I'm not ready to see HER move on?? What? PLUS I found out recently that she slept with someone within 24 hrs of breaking my heart! Saying it was a mistake and she was sorry. So where does she get off with all this allllllll this jealous BS? After hearing this new and messed up news, I have now implemented No Contact.
My question: What is her issue you think? Do you think she's regretting her break up decision or she's just mad I'm moving on and she's the one who broke up with me? HELP?

[answerme_tender]

She is just mad that you are moving on. She obviously thought she had more control over you!! She cannot have her cake and eat it too. She broke up, but thought she could still have you waiting in limbo for her.

Remember NO CONTACT--that includes Facebook! Most of your post is all about who---yep THE EX GIRLFRIEND! Why would you care how she reacts!! Don't let her pull you back in --so STOP the contact --ALL of it.

I happy for you---for getting out and meeting other people--good for you!! Good luck

[Neco84]

Ur right!we defriended each other on Facebook contact on her request so that's good.I agree in that she thought I would be waiting around for her because that's what she said during our break up that she doesn't want me waiting.but now is jealous.

[talaniman]

She is a nut, and will drive you crazy as she is trying to figure out what she is doing. Better to focus on not having any contact at all with this nut job, and be glad she dumped you.

Disappear from her life, and block/ignore her texts. She's an unnecessary distraction to the good things in life.

[Neco84]

Blunt answer!what's her issue?she's a nut! Ha! At the end of the day I do think she's going through a quarter-life-crisis,if you will, and am afraid she'll regret this break up in time. Do you think she deserves one?

A second chance I mean?

[answerme_tender]

NO, that just my opinion. When they start playing the break up game to see how much control they have over their partner, in doing so they forget that that partner is human, with emotions.

A relationship is not about jealous game, being told its over is very painful as you well know, ask yourself if you want to put that control back into her hands? Are you willing to go through this again with HER? Its your life, your choice, but remember you cannot CHANGE HER.

[ironhide262]

Sounds like the she had to make a quick breakup in order to make a move on that next guy hence, all the crazy accusations and messy breakup. I agree with answerme in that she was probably just trying to keep you on the hook. That new guy was most likely meant to be a secret but, she probably couldn't follow through. I think everything was moving rather quickly for her and the text message was just something she sent to you when she was riding on a high wave. So big roller coaster ride for her as well as you.

It's interesting to speculate but, it all boils down to the same conclusion. She's emotionally messed up and not a person you can have a happy relationship with. At the risk of using a cliché... it's her, not you! One second she will regret it, next feel guilty, next guy that gives her a bit of attention you're dog s**t,next she is sending you kind messages and wants to be your friend, next she is spiteful because you're on a date, and finally you're dogs**t again because she has finally hooked up with Mr Right!
Don't fall for all this crap!


Continue with NC, get rid of any ways she can contact you. Move on with your life and who cares what emotional wall she is bouncing off next!

[talaniman]

blunt answer!whats her issue?she's a nut! Ha! At the end of the day i do think she's going thru a quarter-life-crisis,if you will, and am afraid she'll regret this break up in time. Do you think she deserves one?

A second chance i mean?

No!! Take your freedom while you can because she will have another crisis again, and if your honest she has had a few before, you just left this time. Enough is enough. And what the heck is a quarter life crisis?

[Neco84]

Yeah I think your right. She seems to be so back and forth even though she's not verbally saying it, she's showing it through her actions. Its totally not worth it and I'm trying my best to move on

[QLP]

Sounds to me like you just escaped from a bunny boiler.
Keep running and don't look back.
No contact all the way.

[mystific]

And what the heck is a quarter life crisis?

Im guessing she's 25.. so technically not mid life crisis :)

She's just playing you. Trying to keep that 'power' over you so you're a nice soft rebound cushion should anything hit the fan.

Steer clear and all will be good!

[Neco84]

Thanks guys this is helping a lot. It seems that most people are right in saying that she's keeping me at arms length should something, or rather someone falls through. Because even before the NC I was being an adult and saying," you know what, it didnt work out between us and I truly hope that one day you will be happy and end up with the love of your life." Mind you, I was the one being broken up with, earth shattering sadness, bitterness and ALL THE ABOVE and I had enough love and care to wish happiness upon her! What was her response? Did she wish happiness and love upon the one she ripped their heart out of?. No! That right there showed me she didn't want me to find happiness with someone else, she wanted me to pine over her for the rest of my life.
Thanks guys! You really helped me realize a lot!

[awayandalone]

Neco,
Your situation sounds exactly like mine. My ex broke up with me, met a guy the day after and hooked up with him within a week. Made me sick inside. Thought she was the one for me and we had even talked of getting engaged.

I was stupid and did the beg and pleading crap to no avail. Then when I blocked her and tried to do NC she complained and asked why I did that. When that go no response, she then did exactly as your ex and went back and forth. First she was nice, then I was dirt, then she needed me, then I was dirt. This went on for a month.

You did the right thing much sooner than I it seems. Started NC and your sticking to it. Continue to enjoy meeting new people and ignore any advances she may try and pull. Made everything so much better for myself to get out meet people, work out, and take up new activities.
Your that she wanted you to pine over her and you obviously are not and should not. Good for you man.

[Neco84]

Comment on awayandalone's post


Yeah for sure. Sounds like we're going through the same thing huh? I thought she was The One too... Ugh! And its difficult because Im doing all this stuff that is super difficult, like NC, and meeting new people but It. Is. Tough!! I do miss her

And wish things would have turned out differently.I can't speak for the future but as of now,I don't think I could get back with her.She has a lot of emotional things to work on.Even admitting that is difficult for me. :(

[Neco84]

Comment on talaniman's post


She has had a few other meltdowns during our relationship, you're right! She is just a bit younger than me. Me (27) Her (22). Deep down she is a loving,caring person, and amazing person, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten with her in the first place

.However, she is still in school for veterinary medicine.Im done with school and on my own for some time.she's a bit younger and still seems a bit confused about life in general.Maybe just 2 different pages in life?

[Neco84]

My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago after a yr and a half of dating. Pretty serious relationship talk of future together;marriage, dogs, possible kids, the whole nine yards! During the breakup she said she didn't feel the same way I did and that she just wanted to be single. Also not for me to wait for her to get her life together and to try my best to move on. I am now hearing through friends of hers that she is talking to them as if SHE were being dumped and not me. She has been saying things like, "I should just date myself because I wont ever leave me like everyone else does," "I'm lonely and I'll never find love", "Why does everyone hurt me", etc. Mind you, never during our relationship did I abuse her in any way, cheat on her or ever even threaten to leave her!! I guess Im confused, having 99% of the time being the dumpee in relationships, of what the grieving process if for the dumper? Its one thing to go through the process of accepting that you had to hurt someone's feelings and maybe even possibly going through the grieving period of knowing what you thought about the relationship is no longer true, or what have you. But... to be literally be speaking as if YOU were dumped and not the one who did the dumping is very strange to me?? Sympathy perhaps cause she feels like the bad guy in the breakup? Help!

[joypulv]

She may have seen you as falling out of love with her, dogs and marriage not withstanding, so she left you first. When romance changes to (what?) after the first year we all have to adapt to a different kind of love, and she may not be able to do that. She may have felt that you were just settling in to something boring and comfortable with her as the chief cook and bottle washer - who knows, I'm just saying what I know about some women, and this is all speculation. It can be a little of what she is too sensitive about and a little of what you were acting like. What she is saying to others suggests that this is a pattern that has less to do with you than with her inability/unwillingness to see that next stage for what it usually will be.
There's also the baby clock ticking (how old is she?), and you say dogs but not babies... again, mere speculation. Some women will talk about it and some expect the man to hear it tick.

Sorry, I see you say 'possible kids,' but again, how old is she?

[ironhide262]

Perhaps she doesn't want to look like the bad person in front of all your friends. Dumpers often feel quite guilty over ending a relationship. She is just trying to find ways of validating her decision to break up. But who knows.

Or better yet , who cares. She dumped you so, why worry about what she does, or says. She will be going through her emotions and you should be thinking about yourself.

[talaniman]

Hard to say what motives she has for what she tells her friends, but most people don't want to be judged harshly, or seen in a bad light by their friends. Maybe she is only getting sympathy, and support. Who can know for sure.

Most times break ups are not as easy as the dumper makes it seem, and that's something you will understand better after you have experienced dumping someone. We sometimes are so shocked, and hurt with our own pain, we cannot imagine the pain, or feelings of the ones that hurt us. Either way the last thing you need is to be thinking to hard about what she is telling her friends about you.

[Neco84]

Comment on joypulv's post

She is 22 going on 23... I think you are totally right about the fact that love changes as you grow together. Because she was saying for the longest that she still gets butterflies when we're together. Then she told me during the breakup she doesn't get them anymore, and I want to tell her, just because you don't get butterflies anymore doesn't mean you're not in love with me!