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    tanzy59's Avatar
    tanzy59 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 28, 2010, 11:14 AM
    35 yr old daughter refuses to speak to me?
    Along story but it started when my 35 year old daughter lost her son and she was ignoring her other son by a different man. Least to say I helped raise the other son and it hurt me to see her ignoring him. She was into drugs and alcohol when he was born and I took care of him. She gave him to his father when he was 3 and has never had him since except for vacations, 2weeks out of the year. He said when he is there she ignores him and goes out with her friends. I said to her that she needed to talk with him that he was still here. She now said she had the worst childhood ever that I was not ever a good mom to her and unless I apoligize to her she will never speak to me again. I have apologized to her 3x and she still will not speak to me. Her dad is filling her with all kinds of stuff, which we have been divrced over 25 years. Her little boy who was 2 drowned in their back yard in the lake. He got out one night from their house. They found him the next morning. They knew they needed to fix the lock because he could open it but didn't. I have never said to her that it was their fault and I never would. I just don't know how to get through to her to accept me again. Her friends have all been told what a bad mom I was and all take her side. When she talks to my family if they do not agree with her she will not talk to them again. My other 2 children, are her siblings by same dad, still talk with me and I babysit for my other daughters baby. Maybe I should have kept quiet but it hurt me so and I knew she was hurting from losing her baby. What can I do? Ignore and hope she will come around or try to keep contacting her?
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #2

    Nov 28, 2010, 11:34 AM

    I would leave her alone and let her stew a bit wondering why you are keeping quiet. You probably appear to eager and needy to be on her good side again and she probably likes putting you in your place.

    Just ignore her and let her come to you. She will eventually, you are her mom after all.

    Tick
    tanzy59's Avatar
    tanzy59 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Nov 28, 2010, 11:38 AM
    Friends have told me that also. It is so hard. Thank you for your response.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,796, Reputation: 2674
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    #4

    Nov 28, 2010, 11:41 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by tanzy59 View Post
    Friends have told me that also. It is so hard. Thank you for your response.

    Yes, tanzy, it is hard. That's why it is called 'tough love'.

    All the best

    Tick
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #5

    Nov 28, 2010, 07:07 PM

    I agree with Tick... there really isn't anything more you can do. Perhaps write her a letter, offering an olive branch, telling her that you love and miss her, and your grandchild, and that you would like to be a part of their lives. Then you will have to leave it at that.

    There will be no question as to how you feel and how you would like things to be, so it would be up to her to make any next move.

    The situation is very sad, but in the meantime, spend plenty of time enjoying your other children and grandchildren.
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