[LN232]

I'm a junior in high school and she's a year older than me. We're both pretty adult for our age, so don't write me off as another mixed up hormonal teenager that doesn't know what they want quite yet. When we met, we were both relatively experienced with dating. We had both had painful dating experiences in the not so distant past. I had always been the polite, funny, sweet type and she had previously been in an emotionally and borderline physically abusive relationship. We connected immediately and I asked her on a date. After said date (best date of my life so far) she was sent to live at her mom's house south of here for five weeks. I waited (and I did have other girls after me for the record). When she came back I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. We're lesbians (we came out a year or two before we met). We were making plans to move in together after high school. But two months ago she left me. I will admit part of it was my fault, but I feel like her personal insecurities had a part in it as well. I was letting my life become miserable. I promised her I was going to fix everything, prove to her that I could be strong and stable for her. Two months later here I am. I have straight A's again, got a job, making progress in fixing the problems I have with my parents. We stopped talking for a little. I took this other girl out on a couple dates but I can't do it. I can't forget her. When I'm left alone with my thoughts all I can think about is her. I can't look at other girls that way anymore. We're talking again. I can tell she's considering getting back together. I can also tell she isn't sure and is being cautious. I just don't know what to do to reassure her and comfort her. But I really don't want to drive her away. Does anyone have any input on the situation? Normally my advice to someone my age would be to try to focus on other things and move on in life, but deep down I know I genuinely love this girl and could make a life beyond high school work with her. I need help.

[Wondergirl]

You say she's considering getting back together with you and is meanwhile being cautious (as well she should be). I don't think you need to reassure and comfort her as much as just being you and treating her as you wish to be treated. If you fuss and worry and overdo the reassuring thing, she will become wary and begin to worry. You started your post by telling us how adult you are, so prove it to her by being your best self! If things don't work out with her, you will be ahead of the game for your next relationship.

[talaniman]

I will admit part of it was my fault, but I feel like her personal insecurities had a part in it as well. I was letting my life become miserable. I promised her I was going to fix everything, prove to her that I could be strong and stable for her

I think you are right, she has issues she needs to work out for herself, before she is ready for a relationship, so give her the time, and space to do so without pressure from you, while you take the time to do other things besides make promises to convince her of what she should do about you, and your futures together.

Get your own life that you are happy with in order without her in it.

[joypulv]

Overeagerness drives many a person away. She left you, and saying that 'part of it was your fault' isn't really applicable - you could spend forever weighing what each other did to cause the breakup, when all that matters is that she decided to leave. It's admirable that you have good grades, are working, and have resolved issues with your parents, and hopefully those may add up to something she wants again, but it may not be so, and you will have to accept it. Her problems are hers to resolve, and if you love her you love the whole package as is. If you dwell on 'fault' it will ruin everything.

Proceed gently and just hope for the best; don't try to force it. Polite, sweet, and funny? Continue to be all three.