[wdavis04]

We've only been dating only a month, so I am not sure why this is hard for me. But I'm 29 and haven't felt this way about anyone since I was 22. If this was any other girl that I have dated, I would be like OK, I'll talk to you later. We were doing really well, but she just got a big project at work put on her. For the next 6-7 months she is going to have to work and travel a lot. She says that she doesn't want the stress of knowing that she doesn't have enough time for me. I understand her concern, and she does make some good points. Others at her accounting firm have lost marriages because of working too much. She still wants to be friends, so I told her that what I had to, and that I was OK with this and that I would help support her anyway that I could. I was hit with this once we got back to her place after we had a great night out sat. So it is still fresh and hurts, and I'm sure after this weekend, it won't be as bad. And, I'll be ready to move on. She is going to be gone for the next month on travel. I would really like some advice on how to do little things to let her know that I am still here for her, but at the same time, not do stalkerish stuff. Then in 6 or 7 months see if we can start dating again. If I put a picture of me, her, and her friend in a frame and gave it to her for her trip would that be good or bad? Any other ideas of stuff to do over the next few months?

Thanks

[Wondergirl]

I don't understand why a relationship becomes a problem if one person has to travel or go off to college or work in another country for a period. With Skype, IMing, email, inexpensive/free long distance, webcams, it seems like it would be no problem to stay in touch. All that has to be done is set boundaries -- no "needy" communications, communications only at certain times like in the early morning or evening, and contact on certain days. I don't understand why it has to be all or nothing. Isn't part of being in a relationship emotionally supporting the other person no matter where he or she is?

I suggest that you give her that picture and then create an interesting life for yourself with membership at the gym, volunteer work, book reading, learning a new hobby, etc. so that you will be a very interesting person for some lucky young woman.

[ironhide262]

I have to agree with Wondergirl on this one. The fact that she is going to be busy for a while shouldn't just stop the relationship. A big factor her is that you have only been dating a month and obviously her feelings for you are not as strong as yours for her. But, seems like her career is her priority now.

I say support her in what she is doing, keep the lines of communication open, do your own thing... go date other girls. You have officially been dropped down to friend status! Life on the road can be lonely and you probably will hear from her but, keep your emotions in check otherwise you will turn into the stalker. Who knows perhaps after 6 or 7 months she may swing back around but, never wait for her.

It's always amazing how one person gets so easily attached and the other doesn't or has other priorities on the mind and can easily let go. It's a good lesson in how one must keep your emotions in check until you really understand who the other person is( which takes months and months).

Good luck wdaviso4... don't let these career oriented women grind you down(they can be the hardest to date sometimes)... many other fish in the sea dude!

[wdavis04]

So we didn't talk Sunday night or Monday. So today, I sent her a txt,
10am Me: I hope your week is going great. Two days till Thanksgiving!!
4pm Her: My boss is out here today, not much texting going on today.
6 pm Me. They got their eye on u. I'm at N. Meck park watching Rob race his bicycle in the cold.
Then I sent her a funny pic of him flexing in his bike shorts and jersey
Her: LoL - muscles are overrated. Tell Rob, I said Hi. You're making it hard for me you know.
Me: It'd be hard for me to focus on work after seeing that sweet pic too.
Me: I don't want to make it hard for you. I just want to make sure that you know that I'm here for you if you need anything. The past few days have been hard for me too, but I am only trying to do what you want. I don't want to make it amy more stressful for you.

And she didn't reply.

Was what I wrote OK? Should I not have said that? The first comments were only what I thought to be friendly comments. It has taken a few days, but after going out tonight with some friends, I no longer have that deep need to have her in my life. I would like her to be in my life, but come Thanksgiving, my tummy is going to be good to go... no more sick feeling!! I'm OK with just being her friend. Should I let her txt me next even if it takes a few days/weeks/never? Or Thanksgiving can I write... Happy Thanksgiving?

[kctiger]

I don't think you should contact her again. I'm in a similar boat as her as I'm an accountant and travel a lot during interval times of the year. While relationships can obviously survive the demanding lives of certain careers, they only can if the other person wants them to. She doesn't want that and her priorities are clearly not to have a relationship with you.

Leave her alone and continue on with your life. I'd chalk this up to just not working out as the other person has lost interest. It happens. It was only a month. If she contacts you then fine, but like the others said, don't wait around. Go out, have fun, date and make friends. Dating doesn't always have to be serious. It is a fun and healthy way to get to know other people, and even getting to know yourself.

[talaniman]

If you can't just be friends, then leave her alone, and enjoy what you have in your life. I mean don't just pass up other options, and opportunities to date others and have fun, holding out hope that she gives you loving attention, or wants to resume romance when she gets back.

No I would leave her alone, and do my thing, and if she gets in contact fine, "how ya been", but never put your life on hold while being an option for when she has time. As a friend, send her an amusing joke every so often like a few months apart, but forget romance with her, because she said

She still wants to be friends, so I told her that what I had to

While we don't know what the future will bring, we can deal with what's happening now.