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ladytab · Nov 21, 2010, 10:27 AM

My boyfriend said that I suck when I'm on top - of course my feelings are hurt especially when he's always acted like I was good in bed. Anyway - I really need some tips for what to do on top since I apparently suck. Any help will be much appreciated.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 21, 2010, 10:46 AM

How old are you?
Maybe he does not like it and is trying to make you feel bad.
Sounds to me like he is the one who sucks.

Cat1864 · Nov 21, 2010, 12:41 PM

Since she was 18 in 2008, she should be about 20 now.

How long have you been dating this male and how often have you tried intercourse with you on top? Do you like being on top? Are you comfortable being on top?

Just like any position or act, it takes practice and BOTH individuals letting the other one know what feels good for them. Every couple has to find what works for them. He needs to be able to tell you why it isn't working for him and for the two of you to find a compromise together.

Something that may help are Kegal Exercises. They are exercises designed to strengthen the pelvic floor that supports the bladder, etc. They can also help you learn how to control the muscles during sex for added pleasure.

Kegel exercises: How to strengthen correctly with assisted devices.

ladytab · Nov 21, 2010, 02:13 PM

I'm 21, he's 22 - been together just over 3 years. We have sex often and have tried me on top a lot. Thanks for the info on the kegel exercises but I don't have any problems with my pelvic floor - no complaints there - haven't had any surgeries, pregnancies, etc and I've been checked annually for 4 years (have had another issue that they checked the strength of my pelvic floor). And he's not complaining that it needs to be tight or that I need more control over my vaginal muscles.

However, he does need to communicate more. I never know if I should go fast(er) or slow(er) for him. There are certain moves he likes but they aren't comfortable and it's difficult to maintain for more than 5 minutes.

I enjoy being on top sometimes. But other times I just feel like he's completely bored. And I'm not fat (5'5 and 130, we work out 5days a week) but for some reason when I'm on top I feel self-conscious when I'm top which means I don't feel comfortable. When I ask him what he wants and he tells me sometimes I get upset because he says things that I already do.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 21, 2010, 03:12 PM

If you feel uncomfortable being on top, and he seems bored, why are you doing it?

Enigma1999 · Nov 21, 2010, 05:15 PM

Instead of him telling you that "you suck on top", perhaps he should be communicating to you what he likes.

Personally, that would hurt my feelings.

Also, if you do ask him and he tells you what he likes and it's already what you do, then what else does he want or expect?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 21, 2010, 06:40 PM

I would say there are a lot more serious issues than sex positions. A loving partner does not tell them that they "suck" at anything, they would give them ideas of improvement, and work at ways to make things better.

ladytab · Nov 21, 2010, 06:46 PM

Thanks. It's not like he was just like "be better" he did give some feedback but all I was looking for was some tips of what other guys like - not "look into your relationship" - if I wanted to know about that I would have asked or included it. My question was very straight forward and there's a reason for that - I don't want people on here to sit around and analyze my relationship. Like I said, if I wanted that I would have asked.

And of course people will now think "why don't you want us to analyze your relationship - because it's messed up?" I'm done posting questions on this site - it's pointless. Everyone on here wants to go deeper - I didn't ask "what does this mean" or "does this mean he doesn't love me". I simply asked for tips in the bedroom and since I posted it under adult sexuality I don't want to discuss my relationship on here.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 21, 2010, 06:53 PM

You said you feel uncomfortable and he seems bored. I asked why you do it then.
I was responding to what you said.
Think about it.

ladytab · Nov 21, 2010, 06:56 PM

Originally Posted by ladytab

I enjoy being on top sometimes. But other times I just feel like he's completely bored. And I'm not fat (5'5 and 130, we work out 5days a week) but for some reason when I'm on top I feel self-conscious when I'm top which means I don't feel comfortable.

It also says that I ENJOY being on top at times. ALSO where did I say that he's ALWAYS bored?

LisaB4657 · Nov 21, 2010, 06:56 PM

Okay, here's a tip without any relationship analysis. Listen to him. Not what he says but the noises he makes and the way he reacts. If you're moving in a certain way and he starts breathing a little faster or making sounds that means he likes what you're doing and you should keep doing it. If he's not making any sounds that means that you should probably consider moving a little differently -- faster, slower, different angle, etc.

Change positions and speed and listen for the reaction.

ladytab · Nov 21, 2010, 07:03 PM

Thanks, Lisa. That's how I know he likes some of what I do (but like it said, they're not positions that are easy to be in for longer than a few minutes) but today when we were discussing it I asked him if when I do something he enjoys that he actually make some noise or say something to indicate that it feels good. Also, I told him that he can give me direction during sex and that it won't hurt my feelings if he wants something that is different than what I am doing.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 21, 2010, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by ladytab

I enjoy being on top sometimes. But other times I just feel like he's completely bored. And I'm not fat (5'5 and 130, we work out 5days a week) but for some reason when I'm on top I feel self-conscious when I'm top which means I don't feel comfortable. When I ask him what he wants and he tells me sometimes I get upset because he says things that I already do.

This is what you said, this is what I responded to.

ladytab · Nov 21, 2010, 07:21 PM

But why would you only look at some of the words? Did you see that other words are present as well?"Other times" means not always (fyi). And the "when I'm on top I feel....." was an explanation to why I SOMETIMES fell uncomfortable.

People on the internet seriously have selective reading when it comes to responding to a post - like people who have selective hearing. You read what you want to make it seem like I have all of these horrible problems when the original question was pretty straight forward. People want to help others so they make up problems in their head then type them onto the screen in front of them.

I appreciate the effort and willingness to help me but my question was that I wanted tips in bed - not someone to pretty much say "well, why do it?" If I didn't want to do it I think that I could have come to that conclusion on my own - just wanted some tips from people - was actually more-so looking for responses from guys.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 21, 2010, 07:33 PM

You may disregard all of my answers.
I'm done.

kp2171 · Nov 21, 2010, 07:35 PM

I was going to post about the OP'd question but the complaints about interested people giving their honest opinions really, really put me off.

If you were my best friend and you told me what you said, id have some great suggestions (and I do, both for you and for him) and also some harsh words for the guy.

Sorry. Guess ja need to go to a place where people don't treat you like friends and family?

Synnen · Nov 22, 2010, 11:17 AM

Closed. OP doesn't like the responses she's getting, and thinks that she can dictate the kinds of answers she's going to get.