[ginger2010]

I'm in an LDR. And some nights are rougher than others. I miss my boyfriend every night. But some nights it's so bad that I cry myself to sleep. Other nights, not only do I shed a few tears, I also get physically ill. My friend suggested I keep a journal and that it will help me feel better. I plan to try that. But I was hopin' you would have some other suggestions on how I can deal with this. Ending the relationship is NOT an option, as I am so in love with him. I get to see him in a little over a week. Then I will get to see him a couple times over Christmas in December. But after that it won't be until around March that I'll get to see him. And after that, I *might* get to see him once or twice over the summer. Then, not until fall again. We video chat every night for hours. And as much as that helps, sometimes I feel like it might kind of be making the pain a little worse too. Help. Please.

[mmresd]

I am going to guess LDR means long distance relationship, but for the sake of this website, please spell things out. Just so you know breaking up with him IS an option, even if you love him it is ALWAYS an option. And I honestly think that that is the option you have to take. But you already know this, that is why you wrote "Ending the relationship is NOT an option, as I am so in love with him." Long distance relationships are hard because of the distance that each participant has from the other one, and most importantly how each person learns or doesn't learn to deal with that. Your long distance relationship is making you emotionally unstable and there is more damage being done than any benefit you may be receiving through a screen. You need to drop this before you start getting mentally ill, and it will happen. This is a wake up call that you, unless you learn how to cope with him being away, you are not mentally or emotionally strong enough (right now) to hold a long distance relationship, so end this before you harm yourself any further. Please, stop torturing yourself this way, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but in this case, is what you NEEDED to hear. Do whatever you want, but keep in mind that if you keep this up, you are going to come out extremely hurt from this, no real possible outcomes of happiness considering that he doesn't plan to move any time soon and that you are going through this every night. Which doesn't seem healthy to me, does it to you?

Good Luck,

Javi

[pandead]

Long distances are hard to deal with, especially if you are young.

Most of the time, as you don't get to see the person very often, what you get from the small communication you have (online, phone etc.) is the idea you have of that person --- and most of the time, it's not really close to who they are.

Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with the whole distance thing, only if you spent enough time together to know each other very well. I did it both ways before, once I was living with the guy when he had to leave for a year for college (I moved where he was after finishing my school year) I also did the online relationship, we spent our time chatting and saving for trips back and forth.

It is exhausting, for both parts. Guys usually deal with better than us girls. My last relationship was a long distance and I had a couple ideas to make it "fun." I studied cinema in college so I was making movies and sending him, about my life here, my friends, taking pictures when I go out so he could still be a part of my life (and mostly because it was keeping me busy) we sent each other care packages a few times (since you can't touch each other every object has a value) with personal objects in it.

Other than all this, the best solution is to go out and have a social life. Make time for each other, but don't lose yourself in the relationship. This is how people are devastated after the break-up, because they forgot how to exist outside the relationship (yes, personally experienced, it sucks.)

Most of the long distance relationships don't work, sadly. Some end after you finally get to live together and end up disappointed with who the person really is, some end on the way because people wait too long, give up, or meet someone else. But they can work, and I hope yours will. Good luck!

[StephanHimself]

In all honesty. I think that getting emotionally not to mention phisically "love sick" is not a bad thing in the least, I mean it just goes to show how much you love him. And to be honest as weird as it sounds I've missed my girlfriend just as much. LDR's are never EVER easy! But for him to stick with it all for you should mean a lot and I'm sure it does. Cause most guys wouldn't. Instead of dreading how long it will be until you see him. Just embrace the times you get to. I know its hard and its not easy and it won't happen in a day but at least you two talk for hour's over internet and both share the same connection and are both putting in the effort to talk to each other regularly. In my mind that is a healthy relation ship. I do suggest doing the journal thing but I also suggest getting out, chill with your friends, have some fun to try and ease the "love sick". You love each other you will both get through it. No matter how far you are. And besides I'm sure when you see him, it makes the waiting worth waiting for and make's all the tear's sickness and heart ache that much more worth it. From personal experience!

Stepthan Himself.
Hope this helped!

[ginger2010]

@mmresd: 1. I said that breaking up is not an option because it's not. I'm not going to break up with someone because I rarely get to see, and often miss him. That is just dumb, because eventually we will be together. And it's not like there are any trust issues or anything. Just extreme missing of my other half. So yeah, great idea, just cut him out of my life 100%... that'll make missing him easier. -__- 2. Clearly I already know that I need to learn how to cope. That's actually what this question is about. I am asking for suggestions on HOW to cope.

I know that going out and having a social life will make it easier. And I have been dragging myself out of my room a little more lately. My biggest problem is at night time though. When I can't have a social life because I need to sleep. And I just CAN'T sleep. Any suggestions for what to do then? I've tried listening to music to help me fall asleep and not think about him, but every song just reminds me of him, and sometimes makes it a little more difficult.

[Homegirl 50]

You can go out do other things, hang out with friends but if you refuse to do the things that would help, what is the point?

How long have you been dating and how much longer is this supposed to continue?

[Wondergirl]

If you video chat every night for hours, it seems like you have him very much in your life. Years ago, people had to depend only on letters in snail mail. Phone calls were too expensive, and computers didn't exist. Feel blessed that you are living in the 21st century with so many ways to stay in close touch with him.

For coping with bedtime missing of him, get yourself into a strict routine of some sort. Don't get overtired and mess up your sleep pattern, i.e. go to bed at the same time every night. For bedtime, set up a schedule of things that would please you -- an hour before bed, take a calcium tablet with decaf green tea and eat a small snack or piece of fruit (too much sugar will energize you, so be careful what you eat), wash up and brush teeth, put on jammies, crawl into a clean bed with cozy covers and pillows, read a chapter or two of a fiction book that's not too exciting or even read from a boring non-fiction book or textbook, put the book aside, and turn out the light. If you can't turn off your mind, force it to mentally rearrange your closet or in detail clean the bathroom or wash your car.

[ginger2010]

We have to deal with separation until graduation. Hich we are both in our first years of college.

[Homegirl 50]

That is a long time. How long have you been dating?

[Wondergirl]

It can work. My boyfriend went off to college (175 mi. away) and left me at home in h.s. We agreed to date others, but whenever we got back together (breaks and summer), it was like we had never been apart. Then, after two years, he came home permanently and I went off to a four-year college (525 mi. away). Same deal -- we dated others but saw each other during breaks and summer.

And we had only snail mail -- no phone calls or computer those many years ago. Each of us stayed busy in school and at jobs, made friends where we were, and became better and more interesting people for all of our experiences apart.

Since I've been through this under much worse circumstances (for SIX YEARS), I'm going to risk upsetting you by saying you are having a pity party for yourself every night if you cry yourself to sleep. Explore your world and bring to him the best part of yourself. That way you will give yourself and him a special gift.

[ginger2010]

This is an advice column so I'd appreciate if instead of telling me I'm having a pity party, or that it can't work, you'd answer my question and give me suggestions on HOW to cope with missing him at night time. I've only really had ONE person answer that. Thank You.

[pandead]

This is an advice column so I'd appreciate if instead of telling me I'm having a pity party, or that it can't work, you'd answer my question and give me suggestions on HOW to cope with missing him at night time. I've only really had ONE person answer that. Thank You.

Did you notice that both those posts (that you defined as helpful and non-helpful) were made by the same person? We're not here to criticize you, everyone is trying to help in their own ways, being as honest as they can be. Please remember, there's no "good" or "bad" advice, only different opinions.

[Homegirl 50]

She told you it can work and she told you how.
Go back and reread what she wrote.