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tikki14 · Nov 19, 2010, 11:24 AM

In the elementary and middle school I used to be a very good student (without boasting). Now I am in the second year of high-school and I meet some difficulties, not because the objects are difficult, but because I lose control in exams.

I always try to get my work finished in time and I study pretty hard to be sure that I thoroughly understand what I study and that I will keep the information for long time. In 95% of cases I succeed to, but when I have even the easiest ever test I fail miserably. When everybody around me is stressed, I am extremely calm and confident, but when I see the paper I turn pale; I feel like I don't know anything (and I am not kidding; if I were asked how much is 2+2, I wouldn't know the answer) and then, although I try to chill out and write something, I start trembling and thus I get the most embarrassing grades.

In my first year of high-school I had some psychological counseling on this problem and I was told that I have to work at my self-confidence. (I am also a shy person, so I tried to get involved in some groups and activities and now I am much more sociable (everybody says so)) In the last half of the year things seemed to get better everyday and I even this year everything was really OK (now I am seen like one of the best students in my class): no fear, no loss of concentration, no trembling and so forth. But why have I changed so suddenly and more important: what should I do? Lately, I have really felt like going insane when thinking about this and all the shame that is to come.

PS: I thought of getting in contact with my counselor, but I feel so ashamed to talk about this again after she worked so hard to get me on the right way. And I just don't want to hear the old story about 'the grades that you get are not that important in life'. I am aware of this, but I have very important exams ahead and I want to pass them with a satisfactory grade, especially if I have the possibility to understand difficult notions.

Please help me and sorry for this long post.

justcurious55 · Nov 19, 2010, 10:34 PM

I think it's more than just self esteem and self confidence. That's great that the counselor was able to help you improve those, and I'm not saying they aren't an important part of academic success. But it sounds more like you have test anxiety. I would either go back to her or try another counselor and ask for help dealing specifically with the anxiety.

You also mention shame a lot. Is there a lot of pressure on you from your family to get good grades? I totally understand that. Even getting a B+ used to be awful for me. But it really is true, grades are not everything. And there is no shame in getting a lower grade as long as you know that you did try your best.

tikki14 · Nov 20, 2010, 10:18 AM

Unfortunately, I don't know a counselor dealing specifically with anxiety, but I'll try go back to my counselor and I hope this is going to be the last time.

My family doesn't put much pressure on me about school. They gave me a lot of freedom and they don't even know my grades, but my teachers are very demanding because it is one of the best classes of my town. In consideration of this, I understand them to be like this, but I always feel they go to far.

Maybe I am wrong, but last year I read several books about learning, memorising etc. and I always found a chapter about teachers' contribution to students results which said that if they encourage you, you will get better results, but if they keep reprimanding you for the littlest mistake, then, they shouldn't expect any improvement. Since most my colleagues don't meet my problem, I came to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with me. I'll see what comes next, but I hope to be something good.

Thank you, justcurious55 for taking time to answer me. I'd like to ask you a favour, if you don't mind. You said that taking a B+ used to be awful for you; could you please tell more about how you manged with these feelings and maybe some tips you think that were helpful for you in school? Thank you again.

justcurious55 · Nov 20, 2010, 10:28 AM

Well, it was family pressure for me. Even though my mother had never even graduated from high school, she expected only straight A's from me. We had a lot of other big issues and I ended up living with my aunt for almost all of high school. My aunt was much more realistic and didn't care if I got a b or even a c as long as I had been studying and trying my best and it wasn't because I was slacking off. So for me it was the change of environment.