[slightlyopaque]

I think that I may be depressed, but there isn't anyone I can talk to. I don't know what I want -- if I want help or just someone to acknowledge me -- but I know that I'm struggling to continue to live as if nothing is happening.

[mmresd]

Can you give us a little more info on what has been happening? State your problem... we are here for you and you can talk to us whenever you want.

Good Luck,

Javi

[slightlyopaque]

A lot has been happening, recently. My mother got sick three years ago, when I was doing exams in school, and I've had to completely look after her and my younger sister. It didn't bother me at the time at all, I honestly didn't mind. But it affected my exam results and I only got a few passes. I didn't feel bad about this, I think I was pretending I didn't care so much that I started to not care about anything. I always seemed smiley - but I wasn't. Every night I would cry for unknown reasons and I felt like I wasn't worth anything. Then, after I got into college, I started to completely spiral out of control - with my emotions. Everything I did wasn't good enough, no-one wanted to speak to me or be near me, I couldn't seem to concentrate at all and I felt like sleeping all day. I still wish every morning that I didn't have to move. I don't have the energy for anything because I hardly eat or sleep. And when I do sleep, there seems to be no rest after I wake up. And I don't dream anymore.
I've given up all ambitions that I've ever had. I don't want to continue to exist. I wouldn't kill myself, ever, because I know the affect it'd have on everything around me. I don't want attention from anyone I know and so I haven't told them how I'm feeling. I've always been quiet and enjoyed being by myself, so no-one really notices anything different.
It's only recently that I've sat down and thought about why I'm feeling so ****. I never thought dysfunctional families ever had an affect on children - I always thought people used it as an excuse, for attention etc. But I really am starting to think that maybe because I've never had a normal childhood, I didn't develop properly or something. I've never done well academically, so I have no talent there. I cannot play an instrument and I could never make anything of myself creatively. I'm not actually a very fun person to be around and all I ever seem to want to do is travel. I don't want to go to University anymore, I don't want to eat anymore, I don't want to sleep or to smile or to talk anymore. I just want to be alone and travel alone. I want to disappear.
I feel like I'm stuck in a life that doesn't have any meaning to the world. And I don't particularly want to make any meaning of it. I just want to finish - the thought of living past the age of thirty scares me to death. Do I really have to endure so many more years? It's not the thought of being old that scares me, if I could be old in a second, I would. I'd like my life to be at it's end - but I just don't want to get there.

Oh, I don't know. I'm rambling,