[j4jeti]

Hi everyone (it's long but please help me). I'm going to need some serious help from you guys, please help me. I met 3-4 months back though a common friend. She asked for my number & we started talking over the phone. We became good friends & used to talk over the phone for hours, late night, at work. We don't work at same place. She gave me enough signals that she likes talking to me or in fact like me. She told me she likes the way I care for her, she likes the way I talk, the way I walk as she used to watch me while I was out for a walk as she lives nearby my place. She was the one to say me that she likes me but "only as a friend" but that was kind of weird because the way she used to talk was just not friendship. She was the one who first asked that we should go out together. We went out couple of time and had a great time together. We never had a physical relationship. She told me that she feel very comfortable with me and doesn't feel like we're new friends. She often used to get annoyed with me on little things then then I had to make up to her the way it is. Slowly I started feeling special for her because of her nature as we'd a lot in common. So I started thinking that she might be just the one I was looking for. I started caring for her like anything gave her a hint that I've started liking her. She never had a relation with any guy before that but she told me about this one guy who was his very good friend and she met her at work and knows him for two years. Even their family know each other very well. But never mentioned anything special about him. But then this one day when I thought of saying my feelings to her she called me up and told me that she's getting engaged next month. That was like taking my soul out but still leaving me alive. I called her that night and cried my heart out to her that I love her and how I had dreamed her to be my life partner. She said she felt nice that I liked her so much because no one had ever liked her so much but it's too late now. She said it happened all of a sudden that she was asked about this and she took 1 hr to decide and said yes. The guy was the same old friend she once told me about she had known for 2 years. I asked her that if anything could be done now and she said no because her relatives had come to know about this and more than that her parents are very happy for her and she just can't take it away from them. When I asked her about all the time we spent together she told me that was just friendship from her side. It's been month now and we're still talking as she told me that doesn't want to lose a good friend like me. So just for sake of it I'm talking with her ( I know I'm kind of sick, but that's me). Though it hurts me but if she wants me as a friend I'm ready to bear the pain.

POINT OF CONFUSION

The thing that is killing me from inside is that she still want me to talk like I used to but that's not possible for me now. I can't be the same for her. We still go out. She lie to her parents, to her fiancée just to spend sometime with me and I find that a bit odd. But I know one thing for sure she's good at heart. She often discusses some matters to me that she even don't share with her fiancée and or any other female friend. She says me that she'll never forget me for the respect I give to her, for care I show for her for how much I like her. She even asked a very stupid question that if after her marriage she had a fight with her husband and she comes back and then asks me to marry her, will I? I was shocked. She still says she miss me, want to see me, hear me etc. This is driving me crazy now. She's getting engaged after two days and yesterday she went out with me. She still wants to see me after her engagement. She's not told her fiancée about me at all. She even wants to continue contact with me after the marriage. I'm so confused on this. Is it that she likes me but she doesn't know it yet or she's just using me? She often fights with her fiancée and cry though she seems happy with her engagement decision. She even told me that she'd be jealous of girl that would marry me which should be opposite in this case. If I don't care for her like I did before she says I'm rude I've changed and won't talk to me (which is hard for me to see) but when I care like I did earlier but sometimes it hurts me as why I'm doing this I cry and then she asks me why're you crying? I really don't know what to do? I don't want to lose her. Do I still stand a chance? What should I do to know what's running inside her mind? Is it she likes me and she's not realizing it? What should I do, how should I approach? Please help me or I'll go nuts! HELP
1 more thing... whenever I force her to tell the truth she either disconnects the phone or when we're together she changes the topic

[I wish]

She clearly laid out the ground rules of what she wants. She wants you to be her friend and nothing more. She wants to keep this friendship a secret and she's going to marry this guy.

Now that she laid out her rules, the next question you have to face is whether you can accept this?

From what you told us, it sounds more like you're hanging on to this false sense of hope that she will change her mind and be with you. But what she really wants is a secret friendship with you.

If she really liked you more than a friend, she wouldn't have agreed to get engaged so quickly with someone else.

Actions speak louder than words. Though she might have said many lines to make you think that she cares about you more than a friend, her actions clearly show that she only sees you as a great friend.

If you can't accept this arrangement that she laid out, then leave her behind and move on with your life. Quit torturing yourself.

[mmresd]

Let me start by saying that this is a very messy problem you have here. I would like to let you know that there is a high chance that you have misread her "signals", and you started having feelings with someone who specifically told you that all they wanted to have with you was a friendship. If you started having feelings for her you should have told her right away to see if she felt the same way and maybe something could have been started. After she gets engaged and you frantically and desperately run up to her to complain why she was so easy to get engaged she answer with the same thing. That to her, it was all just friendship, she had warned you previously that this was all she saw in you. And to be honest, nothing of the activities that you describe you had with her strike me as her trying to say anything more than appreciating you as a good friend.

She even wants to continue contact with me after the marriage. I'm so confused on this. Is it that she likes me but she doesn't know it yet or she's just using me? She often fights with her fiancee and cry though she seems happy with her engagement decision. She even told me that she'd be jealous of girl that would marry me which should be opposite in this case. If I dont care for her like I did before she says I'm rude I've changed and won't talk to me (which is hard for me to see) but when I care like I did earlier but sometimes it hurts me as why I'm doing this I cry and then she asks me why're you crying? I really don't know what to do?? I don't want to lose her. Do I still stand a chance?? What should I do to know what's running inside her mind? Is it she likes me and she's not realizing it? What should I do, how should I approach? ... 1 more thing...whenever I force her to tell the truth she either disconnects the phone or when we're together she changes the topic

She likes you, as a FRIEND! And no she is not using you, she is just showing the friendship that you showed her. Her happiness with her fiancée is her business, so don't even try to get in the middle of that. Do not cry in front of her, you two are friends so exercise a friendship with her, that is what she wants. Just keep in mind that a romantic relationship between you two is very far away and seems unlikely, but in case it happens you want to be in a good shape in her mind. There is nothing you can do if you want her as a girlfriend, if you are OK with being her friend and only her friend then talk to her if not take a break from her until you can control your emotions again, if not you will lose her friendship too. You will never know what's running inside her mind, sorry it is impossible, you can always guess and assume, but that just drives you crazy. You can't really do much, you have to respect her relationship, all you can do is tell her how you feel (which you already have done) and hope she changes her mind, ON HER OWN. Give her the space she needs to make her own decisions. Do not approach as anything else than a friend. The reason why she changes the topic or disconnect the phone or whatever is because you are her friend, and a good friend, so she doesn't want to hurt you, because the truth is that she is engaged with someone and is about to get married, and it seems like she and her family are kind of wanting this marriage to happen.

You are going to have to start getting over her, because the longer you obsess about this the more it is going to hurt, come back to reality and stop teasing yourself by over analyzing the way she acts into her somehow really wanting to be with you. That is a little crazy man, she is your friend so if you want something more then get out of there, at least until the feelings leave and then maybe try to pick up a friendship with her again. But as engaged she is off limits to you so back off. Live your life happy and find someone that wants to be your girl, not a friend who you have seriously obsessed about, and make sure that for next time you state your feeling when they happen, not when they have already made drastic life decision.

Good Luck,

Javi