[Reemyz]

You guys are my last chance to bring my family together again! I am really frustrated and I just live in that house anymore... I'm almost 13 now and I have a lot of problems going on in the house:
My parents just keep fighting about silly stuff like food or how dirty the house is for example. I try my best not to interfer with them but I'm not sure it is the best thing to do. I know that you can't do anything about it, but I just wanted to express my feelings.
Another problem is that my mother has cancer and she is taking chemotherapy... The chemo makes her angry most of the time and she just shouts at me and my older sister for nothing. I'm really sick of it! My dad says she is going to get better after she finishes her chemo... but I'm not sure about that! She even hits me for no reason! Is that normal for people taking the chemo?

Sorry,, and thanks! :(

Note: Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes! :(

[Alty]

Hi Reemy,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this rough time. I'm assuming that you're in the states, which means that health care isn't free. With your moms cancer I'm sure that money is tight and things are stressful.

No, hitting isn't okay, and chemo doesn't make people violent, but it can make them a bit grumpy. Both my parents died of cancer, my mom went through chemo and radiation treatment for 10 months before she passed away. It's very hard on your body, and depression and anger is common.

Put yourself in your parents shoes for a moment. You mom is going through a very tough time, she's likely sick very often, too sick to clean. You're almost 13, do you help around the house, do what you can to make things easier? You're old enough to take on some of the responsibility, clean, even cook. Do you?

Your dad is likely stressed because your mom is sick. It's not an easy thing to deal with, and the added stress of finances, keeping the house together, dealing with a sick spouse, it's not easy.

It's not your place to interfere with your parents, but you can talk to them about how you feel. I'm sure they're not aware about how stressful it is for you. They should be, but when dealing with major stresses we adults often forget how our children feel about the situation. Can you talk to them about it, let them know how upset you are about their fighting, about your mom hitting you, about everything that's going on? How about an Aunt or Uncle, or an older sibling. Is there someone that's a part of your family that you can talk to, someone that can help you talk to your parents?

[pinkglitteryo]

I was in your shoes, at your age. Except my mom only had radiation. While it doesn't excuse her for hitting or taking her frustrations out on you. I, personally, believe she may need other help along with her treatments. Such as therapy. It's not a bad thing but I have a feeling she is having trouble sorting out her feelings over her illness. My mom had many mixed feelings over it, along with regrets etc etc. You mom may need more help than your family can help at this moment. It's a life changing experience for her, and you as well. If they've never had arguments before there could be an underlying cause esp the stress that she and he may be under to keep the family straight. There is no real answer to your question honestly. Something that everyone has to work out and try for the best.

[J_9]

Honey, I was your mom once. I had chemo too.

No, it's not okay to hit, but we get scared that we are going to die and leave our children mother-less.

We get angry that God gave us an illness that could kill us. We also get scared just like you do. Yes, adults still get scared.

I can also promise you that your dad is scared too. Even though he says your mom is going to be okay, he's still scared he may lose her.

You see, men are "fixers." They like to fix things, but they can't fix cancer. This makes them feel that their life is out of control.

What you can do to help would be to pitch in with the cleaning. Without them asking. Do your homework without arguing. Give each of them a hug every once in a while for no reason at all.

Cancer is scary for everyone, not just the kids.

[joypulv]

There's stuff going on behind the arguing which is hard to realize when you are 13. Your parents are very worried about your mom's future - her life. Sometimes arguing gets people through the day better than breaking down and crying. Food? Food is expensive so try not to waste any or leave it out to spoil. Cleaning the house? Arrange an hour a week and 15 minutes a night with your sister to work on it together - that way neither of you feels like you do all the chores. Put some music on and try to have fun - for your mom's sake.
Chemo is basically toxic; that's the only way to attack cancer cells currently. Of course it makes people feel awful. My father was an absolute saint about it but he was that way about all of life. I had a boyfriend when I was young who I took care of for 18 months of chemo and radiation and he was so mean to me that I warned him I was leaving at the end, and I did. It was the only way I could get through it without taking revenge or turning into a complete masochist. We have been good friends now for the last 35 years.
Best wishes for you and your mom and your whole family.