[smoothy]

Smoothy, the oral sex with the other men happened BEFORE he met her. It was part of her PAST not their PRESENT.

They have been dating for five months. The last time she had an encounter before him was on New Year's Eve/Day months before getting with Pboy. Part of his issue is that she has remained friends with her EXes, not that she has been unfaithful to him in any way.

I need to go back and read the entire thread again... because I remember seeing something different like this has happened since he first dated her. That of course would totally change everything... in that anything that happened before they were dating is "accept it and drop it" or "walk out", you can't stew about something that happened before you came into the picture..


Edit*** Post 12 centainly made it appear it was a current thing rather than predating the relationship in its entirety based on her current relationship with the guys in guestion. But upon reread it does appear the actual events in question predated the OP's relationship.


He should stop trying to justify it... and just accept it. Because he can't change it. We all have pasts (and the older we get the more of a past we have)... we've all done things that at the time appeared to make sense... even when in hindsight they were monumentally stupid. Nobody can chage what was already done... so you have a choice to get over it and move on... or stew about something that happened nothing and nobody can change.

[Synnen]

I'm friends with nearly all of my exes. I actually don't trust people that hate all of their exes, and have burned all of those bridges completely.

Whatever made the relationship fall apart isn't necessarily linked to the thing that made people friends/lovers in the first place. If no betrayal was involved--why SHOULDN"T you remain with any exes, including one night stands or FWBs?

Cutting someone out of your life completely to me seems way more suspicious than just moving people out of "lover" status and into "friend" status.

[smoothy]

Most of my previous relationships ended in a pretty nasty way, sometimes my choice sometimes theirs... but in fact I have only ever crossed paths with one ex so far... and that one ended as a result of betrayal. Not sure if she recognised me... or if it was even really her, saw her from across a restaurant and her back was to me, but close enough I heard her talk and something about the voice and how she she was walking with a toddler reminded me of her. She was gone before I decided to speak to her and find out (no didn't see her walk out). Anyone else was other people I knew who bumped into them someplace... and later told me, sometimes years later.

But realistically I've lived in 3 states and two countries since I was in High school. And very little of that 29 years since I graduated college was where I grew up... only a year in fact.

By the time the hard feelings wore off I wasn't around geographically or since I NEVER dated anyone at work I didn't see them daily. Not to mention some of them were on an express train to the federal pen if their luck didn't hold out (rumour held one ex actually DID end up in prison but never found out why) or they didn't make huge lifestyle changes. And due to work related issues (Clearances) I had to distance myself from them anyway. Where I live now is the longest since I was a kid... and I've been married this entire time.

Soooo there are reasons to not stay friends with exes... even if there wasn't a nasty breakup. Heck... one literally dissappeared... as in missing person. No idea if they ever found her or if she ever turned up anyplace. She wasn't home one day I went to pick her up... nobody knew where she went and I didn't want to draw unwanted attention from the authorities... (this wasn't in the USA) and no I didn't do anything or know anything, never had an argument with her... so it wasn't officially a breakup, good or bad.

But I've never ignored anyone that I saw on occasion I ever dated, I basically never bumped into them.

[Pboy87]

I don't say cut people out.. but I find it weird when they are your best friends.. as in.. If we are intimate and one of those friends messages.. she used to rush to reply them first and then get back to me.. in the initial weeks.

[Pboy87]

The only reason I used to feel she was used.. was because.. she was under the influence or depressed.. and those guys genuinely looked like crap.. I mean.. seriously. Those guys didn't have a decent face.. body.. or height.. and neither was she in love with them.. So it was weird to accept that a hot girl like her would give head to such guys.. just because under depression and that guy supported her..
By the way, the one worst thing I feel is jealousy. As in.. She gave those guys blowjobs in the first makeout and I didn't. In fact she was messaging this same guy that she had got a blow from the time we were first making out.. So it irritates me like hell.. that he got a blow from her on the very first time.. ( he knew her since she was a 10-12 year old kid and he was 23 and had the hots for her.. he is a pedophile.. she told me this, that he told her when they started dating... ) . Well he got the blow on the first time.. and on My first time with her.. he kept messaging her and she was replying..
The other guy.. the best friend.. one night stand.. acted like a scanner.. would tell my girl that I may not be right for her as I have the reputation of being a big time flirt etc etc.. And she should stay away from me... ( although he was the one who challenged her to hit on me the first time we met)..
So.. it makes me feel weird and makes me hate these guys because they have been getting in My way with her..

[Pboy87]

Exactly.. I would never go out of my way to keep in touch with my exes.. n neither would I ever give them priority over the person I am dating..

[Pboy87]

We have.. we have decided not to speak about the past again.. its just the nasty images of her giving head to those guys that pop into my head now and then.. its because those guys looked ugly and weren't good enough for her..

[smoothy]

Well I think its really more about what she thinks than what you think... its obvious she didn't feel taken advantage of... if she did you can be sure she likely wouldn't be maintaining contact.

You have to accept this at face value... she apparently values them about as much as she does you. Can you live with this... because you really can't MAKE her do something she doesn't want to do.

So... if you want to live with this you have to be able to put this aside and let the past be the past. If you don't its gioing to eat you up inside.

You have to put IT aside or put HER aside. If you don't you will not be happy... and at worst it could effect your health from the stress.

Incidentally... its not always about how good you look... ever see a good looking guy with a not-so-good looking woman or a great looking woman with a troll?


Inner beauty and outer beauty don't always go hand in hand.

[Pboy87]

Wow.. that was well put.. yes apparently these guys r good natured.. but just not good looking..
She has cut down contact with those guys for me now.. but in the initial weeks she was closer to them as she thought I was just playing with her.

[Pboy87]

Yes.. I'm putting the past aside.. I try to think of other things when I think of her with those guys blowing them.. but anyway, they just got a blow and that too once , when she was doing it to forget someone. I get it more frequently and also more.:)

[Synnen]

One of my exes IS one of my best friends. And I'm very close to two others. Yes, there are a couple I refuse to have in my life, but it's because I was badly betrayed by them or because they are simply not the same guys they were when we were dating.

And ANY guy that I have dated has had to deal with that. Any guy that asked me to give up my friends for him never got another date---no matter how long we'd been dating.

Let's put it this way (because I kind of know how guys think): If her friends were female, would you have a problem with her being very close to them, even if she'd made out with them in the past?

[Pboy87]

I have absolutely No problem with exes being best friends.. there was a connection that can't be thrown away.. they were an important part of your life and who you are..
I have absolutely NO problem with other guy friends of hers.. who she is really close to.. most of her close and best friends are guys..
But this one guy I have a problem with as he was a one night stand.. even if they dated One week I wouldn't mind.. I mean.. I always thought of guys who slept with drunk girls as jerks.. as the inhibitions are low.. the girl doesn't know who or why she is doing the guy.. but the guy knew it.. he knew she was her best friend.. but didn't want to stop her.. I know.. most guys wouldn't have stopped at all if a girl is ready to d anything with them.. and even he didn't.. that's why I doubt his platonic feelings for her.. and don't like that guy.. when he should have been the one taking care of this girl ( she drinks only with friends as she trusts them. This was the trust.. ).. he didn't stop at the one chance he got.. That's the only reason..