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Pboy87 · Nov 9, 2010, 01:23 AM

Is it possible that a girl can use a guy for sex? My girlfriend has given head to many guys to get out of depression.. and says 'she used them'.. how is it possible? As I see it.. they used her.. is it possible?

Synnen · Nov 9, 2010, 06:27 AM

How old are you?

Pboy87 · Nov 9, 2010, 06:31 AM

I'm 22.. and my girlfriend is 22.. in her past she says.. she has used guys for sex.(oral sex). How's it possible? How can a girl use a guy when she gives the guy a blowjob?

Synnen · Nov 9, 2010, 06:38 AM

Because she didn't care how they felt.

SHE was using THEM to get something out of it. Just because they liked it too doesn't mean she cared that they liked it--she was getting an emotional rush out of doing it, and she used them to get that emotional rush.

Pboy87 · Nov 9, 2010, 07:40 AM

Hmmm.. well.. she says she was under depression once when she did it.. and another time she was lonely(mentally) and got drunk and needed some support and did it.. but I thought that the guys used her.. as she was in this bad mental state.. (she wasn't attracted to the guys or anything.. she just did it because she was in depression and needed gratification). The problem was.. both times she did it.. she was people she trusted..

CravenMorhead · Nov 9, 2010, 08:57 AM

Using a person isn't just a male trait. Women have desires and needs just the same as men and some of them will go out of their ways to satiate said desires without regards for the men.

As well I have found that some, maybe even many, people who claim to do something out of depression are actually doing it to get attention or for another reason. Depression, like ADHD and ADD, has become more of trendy diagnosis and excuse then actual disorders. I am not saying that there aren't depressed people, but rather that a lot of people say they're depressed but aren't.

I think this she is one of those people. I get the feeling that her excuses are just that excuses and not explanations. You should really talk to her about curbing this habit. I would really talk to her about this habit. It is dangerous and put you at risk.

I am not trying to scare you but it is something to be concerned about. Blowing someone because they're bored or depressed is a recipe for disaster.

Good luck.

Pboy87 · Nov 9, 2010, 09:00 AM

Well.. she was depressed because her boyfrnd who she loved and anted to marry dumped her and told her no guy would marry her.n made her feel like a disease. So she says it was cz she needed instant gratification. But how does making out/blowing help?

Synnen · Nov 9, 2010, 09:52 AM

Because even though her ex-boyfriend may not have wanted her, the guys she was giving blowjobs to DID want her.

Even if only for a short time, they made her feel sexy, attractive, and WANTED.

smoothy · Nov 9, 2010, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by Pboy87

Is it possible that a girl can use a guy for sex? my girlfriend has given head to many guys to get out of depression.. and says 'she used them'.. how is it possible? as i see it.. they used her.. is it possible?

It is VERY possible... women use their bodies to get what they want every day... some actually feel if they sleep with a guy... that guy must love them... or care about them, or to get things. Ever hear the Term... Gold digger? Guys can be stupid... young guys especially so. Few can resist the "come and get it" invitation.

I've seen it more times than I can even remember.

QLP · Nov 9, 2010, 11:49 AM

You seem to be working on the assumption that the act of performing oral sex is only for the gratification of the receiver. Motivation aside, it can be equally pleasurable for the one performing it. To make a crude comparison, when I suck a lolly I don't do it for the lollipop's benefit!

The fact that she was in a low mental state does make the guys behaviour equally questionable but doesn't alter the fact that she was taking what she felt she needed for her own purposes at the time.

I hope your girlfriend is in a better place now. If so, this is something that you can both consign to the past. She seems to have been honest about her behaviour and motivation so why not respect that and move on?

Pboy87 · Nov 10, 2010, 02:14 AM

Well one of those guys is her fathers student.. 14yrs older to her.. and still hung on her.keeps texting her.and she replies to him every time. And the other was and still Is her best friend.she gave blows to such people who she meets daily.weird for me

Pboy87 · Nov 10, 2010, 02:27 AM

Well she says.. the guys didn't know of her mental state that she was in depression or mentally lonely.. and still don't. So they must have just thought they got a chick to suck them out so easily.right? Huge ego boost for them.. to get such a hot girl.. but what was in it for her?
She is better now.. she was good even after the first guy.. but 8months later, on new years she was feeling lonely mentally.. and got drunk and then did the second guy.. her best friend.. its weird that he didn't think of stopping her and did it with her while she was in that drunk state.. She doesn't remember most of what happened except making out and stripping.. but nothing more after that.. and I don't think it must have ended there..
She is still very close to these guys.. and doesn't feel she was taken advantage of.. I mean.. she says she loves me.. but shares all emotional details and secrets and her cribbing and stuff with them as well.. and has even been physical with them.. how am I any different from those guys in her life then.. ;P.. She says she loves me.. but behaves the same with all of us.. just that she doesn't have sex with them anymore and with me whenever we meet.. (its a ling distance relationship and those guys are in her city,they meet up, go drinking, etc)..
I had told her.. that giving oral sex is a form of surrender.. ( was told this by many people including a supposedly spiritual person.. that its a surrender, an act done in love to pleasure the other, or an ego boost if the person is of the pleasure 'giving' nature.. or if the ego is completely dead.. ).. she surrendered herself to those guys when she gave them blowjobs..
She disagrees.. says.. a surrender is when a person orgasms.. because a person is most vulnerable when they orgasm and when you orgasm or reach your climax you expose that side of you to the other person and that is true surrender..
What do you guys think?

smoothy · Nov 10, 2010, 06:06 AM

What's what in it for her is what she wanted...

After all, she was a willing partner and actually was the aggressor here. And yes women can and are the aggressor many times... its not always the guy.
Incidentally giving oral sex is no surrender... in fact its quite the contrary. At that point there is no more powerful position to be in for a woman... a simple clampdown of the jaw muscles and the guys tallywacker is history.

I think the problem here is your perspective... I think you have the hots for this girl and she hasn't reciprocated or doesn't know.

Cat1864 · Nov 10, 2010, 06:53 AM

I think this thread needs to be merged with your other thread. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...fs-523095.html It is about the same issue-your girlfriend and her past even though you tried to make it seem more general.

smoothy · Nov 10, 2010, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I think this thread needs to be merged with your other thread. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...fs-523095.html It is about the same issue-your girlfriend and her past even though you tried to make it seem more general.

If this is someone he thinks or believes is his girlfriend... he needs to take a look and what a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship really is... and more importantly what it is not.

Pboy87 · Nov 10, 2010, 07:17 AM

No no.. We love each other.. its just weird that what she does to me in her senses.. she has done to others under the influence.. and she didn't do so much with me in the first time whereas gave blows and licked other guys balls when drunk or sad.

Pboy87 · Nov 10, 2010, 07:24 AM

Yeah.. this was more general.. because I wanted to know if this behaviour or thought process exists..

smoothy · Nov 10, 2010, 07:27 AM

Sorry, I still stand by what I said... apparently YOU see more in this relationship then she does... or she wouldn't be doing what she does. And don't convince yourself otherwise. Women far more than men want exclusivity when they are in love with someone. You will find far more guys that can love someone but still sleep with others... women are simply not wired the same way men are.

If she is doing this... for any reason... then she doesn't think as highly of you as you do of her. I'm not questioning what you feel about her... I am questioning what you THINK she actually feels towards you.

And what I see is a guy that's well on the road to getting hurt really bad. I've seen this many times... I've also been where you ( similar relationship about 28 years ago) are before I finally wised up. Finally the last straw was when she slept with a guy I considered a friend... I walked out the door and never looked back. Never saw, or spoke to either one ever again.

QLP · Nov 10, 2010, 09:40 AM

I'm really not sure why you are hung up on this one particular part of the equation. To drill down on this issue, the act of oral sex can be almost anything those participating want to make it. For example I can kneel at my husband's feet and make it an act of supplication if I wish. I can pin him down and make it about me taking what I want if I prefer. Assuming he is happy with both scenarious of course. Or anything else that fits the mindset of the moment. The only difference is that within a loving relationship both participants are sharing that mindset and going along with it happily and from love. In the case of casual sex it is more a case of each participant taking what they want from the encounter. But providing it is consensual there is still an implicit acceptance. You keep focusing on the fact that your girlfriend was drunk on at least one of these occasions. What about the guy? Was he stone cold sober? If not, you could level the charge she was taking advantage of him. Either way, SHE doesn't feel that she was the one taken advantage of.

This however, is about the bigger picture. You two have different sexual values. Your partner is happy for you to sleep around even now but you aren't happy with what she did in the past. Although people do make open relationships work this seems a very strange balance. She clings onto relationships with people that she knows have unhealthy elements in them. She is not at an entirely stable place mentally. Whilst you yourself go over and over this one issue continually. None of this is healthy.

So stop fixating on this small part of it. I think you are trying, maybe subconsciously, to avoid seeing the whole picture.

Start asking yourself where you actually see this relationship going and whether you are happy with that.

Pboy87 · Nov 10, 2010, 09:55 AM

what do you mean by the 'whole picture'? We do have different sexual values. For her,its just an act. Giving blowjobs to boost her ego maybe? She does it when she is depressed or lonely or drunk which I find very weird. No lust,attraction or liking to that person.. or doesn't realise who the person was until the next morning. And it sinks in what she did.. or who she did...
Today she tells me.. she asked her one night stand what all happened that night because she didn't remember.. he told her that she was just licking his thing a couple of times but then pushed him away and went unconscious.. So she says it wasn't technically a blowjob.. wonderful technical 'details'.. again..