[octobersgone]

Hello, my Husband and I have some serious concerns about our 19 year old daughter. She is the youngest of three. All throughout her growing up she has been very naïve. She is "young" for her age and therefore did not fit in with the rest of her school age peers and by the time she was in high school she was sort of lonely. She met her first boyfreind her senior year at 18. She was very leary of him, he has a different personality. Soon she grew to love him. She quit hanging out with any people, only him. He would not let her visit her friends, hang out with any boys, dance at the prom, talk to people at her graduation. We tried to be as kind as possible to her and let her know something is wrong with him, but she started to shut us out too. Because they had already made their college plans before they met, they agreed to have a long distance relationship. He would text her constantly in school and tell her who she could go hang with and not, how much makeup to wear, clothes, even though he was living 4 states away. She suddenly broke up with him and told us he was too controlling. Within a month she wrote us a note and told us she was quitting college and moving in with him right after Christmas.(six weeks from now) They have made a lot of plans together to make this happen and work! I just found out that his parents helped her via skype to write us the letter and helped plan her leaving school and how to get there, etc... She said in her letter that maybe someday when I come back we can be closer. We are so confused and saddend. We are also now afraid for her, because of his past behavior. We know we cannot stop her, and now we have decided to not support her financially either. We want her to be happy and she says she is not happy here. She believes he is the only one for her and that they will be together forever. They just might! He may end up being my son in law.

She plans to get a job (her very first one ever) and try to go back to school next year. She's asked for her car and her cell phone. How do we handle this, what to say to her, to her boyfreind, to his parents? Thank you so much for answering.

[tickle]

Any opposition you make to this situation is going to make her steadfast in her resolve to do what she wants. You are going to have let her do this and find out for herself. She has to grow up on her own, mature by herself.

When the time comes, if you finally meet his parents, put a smile on your face and be pleasant, you will find the right words. As for the b/f, I don't know

[Fr_Chuck]

You may tell her that you don't approve, you don't have to give her any money help, but let her know that you are there for her if she needs you

[twinkiedooter]

If you paid for her car it's your car. If you pay for the cell phone, it's your cell phone. If the car is not paid for you can give her the car with the stipulation if she does want the car she must continue to make the payments on it and keep insurance paid on it as well. As for the cell phone if you pay for it I would strongly suggest you don't give it to her. Buy her a prepaid phone, put some money on it and give it to her. Let her continue to put money on it or use it as a paperweight.

She has obviously been brainwashed by this guy. If she never had a boyfriend before and was naïve she sure walked right into his clutches for sure.

[jenniepepsi]

Twinkie, I agree, but the only draw back is if they paid for the car, but the car title is in her name, its HER car, no matter who paid the bill. Same for the cell. If her name is on the bill, its hers, no matter who is snuffing up the dough