[Makian]

Me and my girlfriend were dating on and off for over a year. I had anger problems and obsessiveness, like I would freak if she was talking to another guy when I was near. We broke up and got back together a couple times. The last time was in March. We got back together, I didn't have my anger problems and I wasn't obsessive anymore. Things were great, we had little fights that usually lead to a few hours of being apart until we both decided it was stupid to fight over something like that. Well we went for 7 months. I'm in college now and she is still in high school. I'm in a military college so I don't have a lot of privileges, 1 weekend I got my phone and was excited because I would be able to talk to her. I called her thurday night and talked. It didn't last long because she was tired and needed to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. She also said we wouldn't talk on Friday because of school and afterwards she had a football game to work. (Note she is in Jrotc and so was I in high school and we worked security at football games) so she wasn't going to get home till 11 at night. I was fine with it, I understood. Well the next day I texted her in the morning. I didn't get a response at all. I called her at 1 and she said she was too busy to talk. They just moved into a new house and we still getting it ready. I knew about them moving before I left. She said we would talk later. Well at 5 I called her again and she didn't answer. I called 2 more time and she said she was still doing stuff and was busy. I couldn't take that for some reason. I then continuously called her back like 10 times. She eventually shut her phone off. I then called her mom and I didn't get anything. I then tried calling my girlfriend again and she answered. We then got into a fight about how I was being obsessive and she couldn't take this and that I was going back to the way I acted when we first dated. She and her mom think I need to go talk to someone about this. She said that if I want to get back with her then I need to fix this obsessive problem. She said she still loves me but she's to stress out with rot, school, moving and trying to get into college.

I then talked to a counselor and he suggested that I just give her space and cut of communication from her. I told her I was doing this and she said OK. It's been 2 weeks and I hate this crap. I hate not talking to her. I just want to fix these things between us.

What should I do?

[talaniman]

Do as your counselor is telling you and give her space until YOU work on your issues. From what you have written its sound advice. You need to change so do as you're told.

[esme_wolf]

Im sorry to say this isn't a quick fix. You say your anger and obsession is gone but those are not emotions that disappear over night. People struggle with this years. Perhaps you both do need time so that you can work on those on your own. Maybe seeing a councelor would be a better option for you so you have the help and accountability to grow in this. Either way, it seems to me as though you've been doing a lot of the pushing in this relationship. Maybe you should call her just one last time to let her know that these are things your working on, and you understand that she's busy. Tell her you to practice dicipline and you will not be calling her until she gives you the go ahead but that you would love it if she would call you whenever she wanted and had the time. I know this seems like you get the crap deal but you have issues you need to deal with permanently and if you love and respect her you'll give her space so she can decide if she wants to be with you while you improve yourself.

[joypulv]

I'm going to be MEAN. How could you call and call when she had to get up at 4:30 and MOVE as well?? Have you no consideration, no feelings, no concern, no ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes? You were being a selfish, greedy, needy, entitled brat. A baby.

We all suffer at times from not being able to see or talk to the ones we love, but most of us curb our greedy side.

Now having said all that, it is apparent that you do want to solve all this, or you wouldn't be seeing a therapist. Best of luck with this challenge. Try to work on what it is about you that feels threatened by not being able to talk to her. Is there suspicion behind it (seeing someone else)? Fear (of losing her)? Did you have divorced parents at a critical age, anything? Therapy doesn't need to be all analysis, of course, most is a way to handle the present, but it helps to know a little about what drives you.