[stevebarker01]

Over the last year and a half I have had ups and downs with my daughters mother. We have been split up all of this time and she holds a large grudge over our relationship and the way that our relationship ended. Sometimes she is very nice and sometimes seems to get very evil. I have had some hard times since our split up and I have not been able to finacially take care of all of my parental resposibilities, namely buying clothes and giving her mother money. She has everything she needs when she is with me and her mother claims that she has everything that she needs while with her. Recently her mother has needed more than usual and things have gotten better for me so I have been able to do much more. I never have a problem taking care of my daughter. She is an amazingly smart and very beautiful 3 year old and I well with pride just at the thought of her. Her mother has been an exotic dancer since shortly after I met her and I could never talk her into quitting the business and finding something more practical for the sake of our family. She has now met a guy who lives in San Francisco (we live in Indiana) and she wants to move there with him. Since my daughter (Ella) was born she has been around my whole family on a regular basis. Her mothers whole family lives in New Orleans. She is used to seeing her daddy and my side of the family and everyone adores her. She lives with her mother but maintains her own bedroom at my mother's house as well as her own bedroom at my house. She doesn't even have that at her mothers. My big concern about this move that she wants to make is that she doesn't even know what she is getting into let alone the fact of throwing Ella into this situation and basically giving her a new daddy and a new family. She actually said this and when I questioned why she would put Ella through something like that she replied that Ella would get used to it.She is very angry with me that I have strong feelings about her not taking Ella away from me like this. Recently I got a visit from a Child Protection Services rep and found out that I have been accused of inappropriatly touching my little girl. After a short interview with the rep they immediately closed the case. Ella's mother acctually told me about the claim and said that Ella told her that "daddy touched her "gina"". She said that she knows that I would never do anything like that but she claims that she said it in front of the doctor also. The doctor has an ethical obligation to get CPS involved. Understandable. Come to find out after the reps interview with my Ella, she concluded that Ella had been coached into saying these things. After further investigation on my part, it turns out that Ella's mother actually called the police, made a report and then a recommendation was made to take her to a doctor to find out if any inappropriate activity has taken place. They found no cause of alarm and for the most part disregarded it as me helping her use the bathroom or giving her a bath. I am not the greatest guy in the world but I know that I am a good daddy and I keep my daughter on my mind at all times. I am very worried that I am going to lose my daughter and even if I go through court procedings that the judge would find in her favor and let her take Ella wherever she wants. I think these accusations were made so that I would not have a chance in fighting the move. I know that the courts side with the best interests of the child. I feel like her best interests are not to be taken away from her daddy and everything that she is used to and thrown into something brand new and left to "get used to it". I also feel that her mother is mentally abusing her by coaching her to make these comments. These are very serious accusations with very serious consequences. What can I do? How do I fight this? What are my rights? How can I keep my daughter in my life without having to take expensive trips to San Francisco and only seeing her when her mother feels like its OK? I need some advice. I need some kind of help and I don't know how to go about any of it.

[ScottGem]

First, You have made a big mistake by not going to court to enforce your rights. You need to do this IMMEDIATELY. Until there is a court ordered visitation in place, the mother is free to move.

You may even want to sue the mother for defamation of character. I would get a copy of the CPS report immediately.

[stevebarker01]

Thank you. I have already made the request for the report and expect it soon. I have also made inquiries with an attorney from a children's advocacy group called Kids Voice. I am also working on hiring an attorney to represent my case.

[Fr_Chuck]

Beyond that, you need to set up a child custody and child visit agreement though family court, you could stop her move though court even ( may or may not be too late at this point)
But it sets specific days and times for you to see the child and a specific amount of child support for you to pay, ( not just what she wants)

[ScottGem]

First, please don't ujse the Comments for follow-up. Use the Answer options instead.

You NEED to move very quickly on filing for visitation and custody. You don't have to go to court immediately but you need to get the petition pending in court and have her informed about it. Once she is served, if she moves, she is going against the court. And you need that to be the case.