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ickyvicky · Nov 1, 2010, 04:35 PM

Well here is my problem. I am 21 years old and so is my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years. We used to have sex quite often but it would sometimes be difficult because we both live at home with our parents. I used to weigh 120lbs and now I am 157lbs, but when I was 120lbs I was 15 years old and now I am 21 ( I am 5'5"). Well the past few months it seems like I am the only one who wants to have sex. He recently joined the police academy and has been unemployed for a year so he has had a lot of stress. We still have sex about once a week (we only see each other on weekends) but I am always the one initiating it. I asked him why he doesn't want to do it and he would say he is tired but yesterday I told him to tell me the truth (even asked if he was cheating) and the reasoning behind it was that there isn't a spark like there used to be. He said that before he was really sexually attracted to me and now not as much. Of course I prodded deeper and he finally told me that I have gained a little weight lately (which I have, about 15-20lbs this year alone) and he thinks that that might be the reason. I can tell he loves me dearly and it hurt him to tell me the truth but he doesn't want our relationship to end. Can anyone help? I am on a strict diet and am back to running and we are being more physically active like going for jogs together and stuff. Has anyone had the same situation? What did you do about it? Any advice is appreciated! Thank you

Enigma1999 · Nov 1, 2010, 05:24 PM

Well I do have a question. Why the weight gain?

Are you going through something in your life this past year that has made you gain 20 pounds?

I hope that this strict diet is a healthy diet. I also hope that you are doing this for YOU and not him.

Considering that he openly admitted that he used to be sexually attracted and now not so much, well you have your truthful answer.

Do I agree with that? No.

I wonder how he would feel if the tables were turned.

Some men are attracted to thin girl and others are attracted to thicker girls. He just might be the kind who prefers thinner girls.

Do I think that 157lbs is big? Not really.

The average women in America weighs in at about 163lbs.

Personally and honestly, it shouldn't matter what weight someone is, but this isn't about me.

ickyvicky · Nov 1, 2010, 05:35 PM

I have had some problems this year, I got laid off from a job I loved and have been on anti-depression med for a few months. I know it shouldn't matter about the weigh but obviously I don't "turn him on" like I used to because of the weight.

Enigma1999 · Nov 1, 2010, 05:37 PM

Does he realize that these things have happened to you?

ickyvicky · Nov 1, 2010, 05:40 PM

Yeah he knows, but he said that the lack of sex isn't bothering him, he is fine with not having sex that often, but he knows that I want to and when he isn't in the mood it upsets me. We have had a bad year this year with us both losing our jobs..

Enigma1999 · Nov 1, 2010, 05:45 PM

Just to point out, stress affects the libido. Since you both have lost your jobs, this makes a lot of sense.

After all who is actually in the right frame of mind when it comes to sex, while you are out of jobs and struggling.

I know that when I am stressed out, the last thing I want is to have sex.

I think that there is more to this then the weight gain...

I am very curious to see what some of our male members have to say about the weight issue.

smoothy · Nov 2, 2010, 08:23 AM

As a guy... I like them thin... but as you said, that's my personal taste ( I know a few guys that like them on the thick side). Now 20 or 30 lbs may or may not make a huge difference. It all depends on how you carry that weight and your height (shorter people can't carry it as well) and if it all goes to your thighs and gut... its not atractive... if you are lucky enough that its well distributed over your entire body... then its much less of an issue.

Different strokes for different folks.

I also agree WHY the weight was gained in such a short time... you have to address that now before it becomes 40 then 60 etc...

Eventually it WILL affect your health and well being in a negative manner. But a little above or below your recommended weight is a good range to remain in. Easier to deal with this before it becomes a major problem than at some point you have to wallow out of bed (no you aren't there yet) to creaking floor boards.

As far as libido issues... previous posts are spot on target... stress alone has a way of deflating ones sails... maybe even more for a man than the average woman.