[shes_cool]

Men are nasty little creatures who enjoy watching people have sex lol. Honestly, I would suggest that you should get a movie that looks enticing and watch it by yourself, you never know- you may get hooked!

[CravenMorhead]

men are nasty little creatures who enjoy watching people have sex lol. honestly, i would suggest that you should get a movie that looks enticing and watch it by yourself, you never know- you may get hooked!

Being a guy. I take homage to that. I find that insulting. I watch a lot of porn and I still find that insulting.

Please choose your words carefully. Homegirl50 already gave you red for this. I won't give you more.

That wasn't useful as well. Please read the thread through before you respond, your 'help' might have come up earlier.

[shazamataz]

Wow, stop worrying girl, it's only porn.
It doesn't mean he finds you any less sexy or attractive, in fact probably the opposite.
My OH watches porn, and yes, he enjoys it, but some of the nasty girls on there and the things they do, he wouldn't want me to do in a million years... it's fun to watch for sure, heck I'm even intrigued by some of the raunchier stuff, but the fact that he doesn't want me to reinact "2 girls 1 cup" shows he has a lot of respect for me, and he sees me as his 'sweet' girl rather than a porn star.

I have my 'list' of actors/musicians that I find attractive, I have told my OH that if I had the chance to sleep with Johnny Depp, I'd be naked faster than you can blink, same as he has his list (Charlize Theron was his choice), it isn't being 'unfaithful' and he isn't betraying me, it's just a bit of fun... you can't walk around with your eyes closed all the time.

[Alty]

Bottom line, porn is fantasy, not reality. You're his reality.

It's a movie, a show, just like any other movie. You do watch movies, right? Well when you do, you're delving into a fantasy. That's what porn is.

There's really no reason to be insecure about it. As you get older, have a little more confidence in yourself, you'll realize that being jealous of porn, or anything along those lines, is just silly.

[Homegirl 50]

I have to disagree there. Watching porn is not like watching TV. It is on a whole different level.
Perhaps she is worried about her boy friend's expectations of her after watching porn. That is not a matter of insecurity, there have been many a relationship destroyed because girlfriend or wife refuses to be a porn star or feels like she is competing.

If it bothers her that he indulges then she has a choice to make. If he does it occasionally there is no problem but when he is watching pron instead of watching her (and that is a problem in some relationships) then she might have a problem.
Not caring for porn is not a problem and a woman should not be made to feel like there is something wrong with her because she does not watch it, or feels her man may have a porn habit.

[Alty]

The thing is, he's not making her watch it. She's snooping on his computer and finding the porn. From the sounds of it he doesn't do this when she's around, nor does he expect her to participate.

Homegirl, you're right, she doesn't have to watch it, and she doesn't have to like it, but I disagree that porn isn't like any other movie.

Some people don't like romance movies, that's their choice. Porn is just another genre of movies, and it's not everyone's cup of tea. I myself can't stand war movies, but my husband likes them and does watch them. I have a choice not to watch, but should I tell him he's not allowed to because I don't like them?

Everyone romanticizes about characters in movies. Don't tell me there isn't some actor you think is gorgeous. Porn is fantasy, just like every movie out there.

Can it become a problem? Yes. Is it a problem in the OP's relationship? I don't think so. I think the main problem in this case is that the OP is snooping, and she's insecure.

The OP has a choice to make. She can either realize that porn isn't about her, has nothing to do with how her boyfriend feels about her, or she can leave and search for one of the few guys out there that don't watch porn of some sort.

I don't think it's fair for her to tell him to stop. A relationship is about accepting the person you're with, not trying to change them to suit you.

[Enigma1999]

The thing is, he's not making her watch it. She's snooping on his computer and finding the porn. From the sounds of it he doesn't do this when she's around, nor does he expect her to participate.

Homegirl, you're right, she doesn't have to watch it, and she doesn't have to like it, but I disagree that porn isn't like any other movie.

Some people don't like romance movies, that's their choice. Porn is just another genre of movies, and it's not everyone's cup of tea. I myself can't stand war movies, but my husband likes them and does watch them. I have a choice not to watch, but should I tell him he's not allowed to because I don't like them?

Everyone romanticizes about characters in movies. Don't tell me there isn't some actor you think is gorgeous. Porn is fantasy, just like every movie out there.

Can it become a problem? Yes. Is it a problem in the OP's relationship? I don't think so. I think the main problem in this case is that the OP is snooping, and she's insecure.

The OP has a choice to make. She can either realize that porn isn't about her, has nothing to do with how her boyfriend feels about her, or she can leave and search for one of the few guys out there that don't watch porn of some sort.

I don't think it's fair for her to tell him to stop. A relationship is about accepting the person you're with, not trying to change them to suit you.

I agree 100% with her entire post.

I did, however, almost give Alty a reddie for the Vin what ever his name is comment. Lol Yuck :) I'm only joking.

I wanted to ask the OP, have you ever seen the movies, "Basic Instinct", "Sliver", "9 1/2 weeks", "Color of Night"? What I'm asking is, are you OK with him watching movies like those? Those movies I just mentioned have A lot of sex in them... Is it just porn for you that bothers you, or is it any movie with a lot of sex in it?

[Homegirl 50]

I don't think she needs to change him nor ask him to stop, My main disagreement is the idea that porn is just like other movies, it's not which is why you can't see them on regular TV. A man does not watch a war film and then want to play war with you. Porn has an effect on some people and it can be a problem.
I don't think we need to make women feel guilty, like they have a problem because they don't like it, or maybe has a partner with a problem with porn and tell her it's no big deal, because is some instances it is a big deal.
Otherwise I agree she should stay out of his stuff.

[Cat1864]

Embarrassed, I hope you are still reading this even if you don't respond again. I think it is important for you to understand that erotica can be found in many places and many forms. 'Porn' is just a very explicit form.

Many movies and advertisements are just as arousing but more socially acceptable. If the person doing the watching has a foot fetish, a shoe commercial can be a real turn on. So, please don't base your self-image or the health of your relationship on what he watches. Just like he shouldn't base it on what you watch.

[martinizing2]

Most men watch porn.
The others lie about it.

You are 18. Keep an open mind,
And realize you will constantly
Be learning and understanding and changing
Your perspective as you experience life.


I don't want to sound rude and callous ,
But since I am it will sound that way.
18 year olds don't know nothing yet.

Sorry, but it is closer to fact than humor ,


I wish you well.

[QLP]

Just a little extra thought. When you fully accept and love yourself, you won't even see those women as competiton. Not only will you feel happier when you have that confidence but your man will love to see that confidence in you. It's often a long road to travel but do try and start that journey by working on your own self-esteem. I promise it's worth it.

That's not to say that people don't or shouldn't have objections to porn for various reasons. Some do, some don't. But it shouldn't make you feel worthless.

[Synnen]

I don't think she needs to change him nor ask him to stop, My main disagreement is the idea that porn is just like other movies, it's not which is why you can't see them on regular TV. A man does not watch a war film and then want to play war with you. Porn has an effect on some people and it can be a problem.
I don't think we need to make women feel guilty, like they have a problem because they don't like it, or maybe has a partner with a problem with porn and tell her it's no big deal, because is some instances it is a big deal.
Otherwise I agree she should stay out of his stuff.

Really? Funny thing---I thought they added the NC-17 rating because violent (war) movies were influencing teens to do violent things. And I thought they edited violence out of a lot of movies that are shown on TV because it WAS influencing people to be violent--especially younger people. I think that there are at least a few cases where kids were influenced by violence in TV or the movies to shoot each other in "war games".

Please--the people that can't divide reality from a movie have a problem. The people that think the people AROUND them can't separate fantasy from reality (like, say... watching porn! ) have a different problem entirely.

Is porn a problem in some relationships? Absolutely. But I think that the porn problem in most relationships STARTS as a communication problem.

[Homegirl 50]

I never said TV did not influence people.
I said porn is not on the same level as regular TV.
You don't see naked people screwing and going down on each other on TV. You don't see frontal nudity on TV. There are not Adult TV video shows.
But I' sure as time goes by someone will find a way to get porn on TV too.

[Synnen]

I do see blood and gore and guts on TV, though. I see people shoot each other on TV. I see all SORTS of violence on TV--sometimes in the form of a war movie. There ARE movies that are not shown on TV for their violence levels (like SAW or Faces of Death). You CAN rent or buy these movies from stores that sell videos.

I'm saying that porn and violence are the SAME THING. I'm saying they have the SAME amount of influence on people. You don't see super-violent movies on TV any more than you see hard core porn---but they exist. Do you see soft core porn on TV? Absolutely. Full frontal nudity? Not so much---but you see people groping through clothing or grinding against each other or so much skin showing that it doesn't matter that you're not actually showing private parts. Porn (sex) is ALREADY on TV, Homegirl. You just don't see it as porn because you're not seeing the actual insertion of tab B into slot A. And the same with violence--just because you don't see the bullet enter a brain or the blood fly doesn't mean that I don't see Die Hard on TV every Christmas.

[Homegirl 50]

I'm not saying the subject matter is not there, but it is not as explicit. That is why they are two different venues.
I think there is too much sex on TV. I think it has gotten tacky, I think there is too much violence on TV as well but again porn takes it to another level.
But I will just agree to disagree.
There really is not point in butting heads over this.

[Embarrased]

Responding to the person on page 2. I don't snoop his property at all. I have spoken to him about it and he apologizes for leaving it open and we have also spoken about things like how I have a great personality and it was just something silly. I didn't like it because I felt like I had to perform like those girls did next time we had sex and I was uncomfortable with that.

[Fr_Chuck]

Responding to the person on page 2. I don't snoop his property at all. I have spoken to him about it and he apologizes for leaving it open and we have also spoken about things like how I have a great personality and it was just something silly. I didn like it because I felt like I had to perform like those girls did next time we had sex and I was uncomfortable with that.

We each have our limits, not everything on movies, are all that bad either,
Things like dress up, role playing, even locations can be exciting and bring spice back to troubled relationship.
Some couples enjoy watching some level of porn together for the excitement

Remember he may not stop, he may merely just hide it more since you have said you don't like it. Please don't try and control and force him to change too much.
But also don't do anything you don't feel good about

[Alty]

I'm confused. Has he asked you to act like the girls in the porn films he watches, or is he just watching porn?

If he's asking you to be a porn star, than yes, you do have a problem. If he's just watching porn, than he's just watching porn.

Do you expect him to act like the stars in the movies you watch? Do you want him to dress up as a pirate and act like Johnny Depp?

Porn is fantasy, not reality. As soon as you realize that, you'll be a whole lot happier.

The bottom line is this. If you can't handle him watching porn, than find another boyfriend. You can't expect him to change because you don't like it.

[kp2171]

I'm late to the game. Oh well.

First... lots of good advice above.

Second... two things that might seem in conflict, but aren't.

You get to choose what crap you are willing to put up with. You shouldn't feel bad because you dislike your guy watching porn. You aren't "abnormal" for feeling this way. It gets posted here over and over and over.

At the same time, if you tell him you don't like it and he still does, you don't get to stay and complain. Choose your battles.

Had a lover who hated men looking at porn. But shed gladly buy the biggest vibe out there, had several compilation books of erotica, and a bunch of the red shoe diaries on tape. Mkay. Her porn was less direct than mine, but really... she had her own version of "external stim".

I didn't like the double standard. I had no problem with her owning it.

Uhm... I had a point...

I guess its to prop you up and spank ja at the same time.

Its fine to figure out what you are comfortable with. You aren't "wrong" if you outright dislike porn. But he isn't wrong for liking it. You just might not be right for each other.

So... pick your fights. Is it worth it? Is he attentive to you? Good to you? Kind to you? Does he meet your needs? What do you really need from him? What is the short list?

After that... I have found its better to let some things just slide. I can count on one hand the things I really, really need from a lover. And, after falling on my face too many times, I can find a way to let many things go when I know they aren't worth the frustration or anger.

Men don't look at porn because they want something other than you. Men look at porn because they are absolute idiots about the female form, love the voyeur aspect, and are hard wired for it.

Never once have I seen porn of any sort, in verse or in pixels, and thought "she'd be better than the girl i'm with"... just the truth.

[Embarrased]

Kp2171. You are awesome haha. This made me feel great. Thanks everyone for their help and advice and I have worked why I wasn't liking it. Thank you heaps to the last comment. Finally Someone saying I'm at least not wrong and has some understanding. Mind you so have heaps of the other responses Thanks guys x