[pbsurf]

Well, long story short - I was in a short - 4 month relationship over the summer. It was pretty intense, she pursued me, we hung out a lot, she stayed over all the time and we had fun, lots of sex, lots of hanging out with my friends, dates etc. (two things, big age gap, I"m a very young 43 she is a fairly mature 24, also she is very sexual sort of defines herself that way, and would be super flirty (but not cheat) in public...) We both knew it was temporary, and we were out to make the most of it.

fast forward, I basically developed feelings for her, internally very jealous and stressed out - not outwardly, she liked me early on because I basically did not pursue her at all like every other guy... I slipped up this way being needy - live and learn, I'm fine with that.

Current end of the story - September we spent less time together she was very busy at night with her job, (restaurant) and we saw each other once a week or so - she would also make tentative plans to come by late night and blow me off last minute (new friend?) I finally had enough and about three weeks ago said "if you don't want to hang out just let me know" - then txtd her the next day saying that I knew she was busy and to call when she slowed down. She said OK.

I haven't heard from her since - and I have not contacted her either. I assume that is what she wants - she knows how to reach me.
I miss her and think about her constantly, but I know that it was just a summer thing. I have some of her stuff, and think that I'd like to talk with her, but I don't want to come across as needy. Part of me hopes that she and I can reconnect, but this is probably unrealistic. I should move on, but I feel like we both just left it up in the air, no conversation at all...

Should I call her/text her? I have some of her stuff, but I just want to see how she is. Very confused - I also want to stop obsessing about her in my head. I'm a normal guy, would never stalk her, but jesus, I can't stop thinking about her.

Any advice?

Thanks

[I wish]

Sounds like you're going in circles about what to do.

First off, if she really wanted to see you, she would make the time. You wouldn't find it so difficult. So if she's been avoiding you, it's because she's doing it on purpose and not because she's too busy.

The next time you see her, I suggest you sit her down, tell her how you feel and leave the ball on her side of the court. In other words, after you tell her how you feel, let her come find you, but if she doesn't find you, take it as a sign of rejection. You don't need her to flat out reject you, ignoring you is a form of rejection.

At this point, you just need to make your feelings clear, but it doesn't mean that she will feel the same way.

[pbsurf]

Fair enough - I just don't know whether to call her (txt/email) first. I'm pretty sure she isn't going to contact me, which really is disappointing. She spent almost the entire summer at my place, we had many many good nights together and I didn't bring any pressure or stress. She just decided to move on and never said anything. I am hoping that if I talk with her we can have a civil nice conversation and I can move on.

[slapshot_oi]

The next time you see her, I suggest you sit her down, tell her how you feel and leave the ball on her side of the court. . .

I don't like disagreeing with you man 'cause I like you, but this is exactly what he shouldn't want to do. It's been three weeks since they've spoken, so she has made it clear, through NC, that she's not interested (sorry pbsurf). Also, when it comes to emotion, love and relationships, I believe that no one should ever give the power of decision to the other person, that's a self-setup for pain and disappointment. If you want a girl, you should go after her, but if you can't have her or if you're being toyed with like the OP was three weeks ago, just walk away and don't say a word. You get to keep your dignity and you make it known that you don't tolerate any bull****.

. . . I assume that is what she wants - she knows how to reach me.

You kind of answered your own question here.

You don't need to have a civil conversation with her to move on, you can start right now.

Don't contact her.

EDIT

We both knew it was temporary, and we were out to make the most of it.

I just noticed this. So it was never intended to go beyond the bedroom? It was temporary like you said and now it's over. Definitely don't contact her.

[pbsurf]

Yeah slapshot, but it just feels like loose ends.. it did go beyond the bedroom, but not in a full blown boyfriend girlfriend thing... I'm a bit pissed at myself for letting my feelings develop, but I'm human, and pissed at her for flaking without really talking to me but she's 24. I will say that she has a history of either cheating on her boyfriends or just disappearing.. it was a bit of a joke between us.

I'd hoped that a chat would help me move on but there is a chance it could f with me too, its been three tough weeks over something fairly trivial, I'm a bit floored myself. Honestly, and possibly a shallow comment on my end, she was hot and great in bed and I think I miss that and got addicted to it. This has been going on for thousands of years and I guess I should just move on. It was a good summer though...

Thanks

[Denziel]

If I were you I would be looking back and thinking HELL YEAH! What a summer! But I do know how you feel! I would drop a casual email just telling her that you still have some of her stuff and that you will post it to her. Because if you see her again it will send you loopy! Remember this nothing helps you get over the last one like the next one!! Go out on the pull!

[pbsurf]

Denziel - thanks man, love it. - down deep that is how I feel - it wasn't a one night or one weekend thing. She was into it all summer.. And, I pulled it off the right way, cool and disinterested - I'm not super smooth, but I know how to work the early part of the game. She got me good though - and I did get a bit needy. Just need to brush myself off and get back out there.

As for the email - maybe you are right - the total NC thing is tough, and I probably don't want to see her anytime soon, at least until I've got something else going on...

[talaniman]

Summer is over, so put her things in a box, and keep them for when she wants them, and forget her, and her stuff. It was a fun time, and you enjoyed the heck out of it, but you don't need her to move on, just accept it, and move on because that's what you have to do. That having the last conversation for closure, or clarity or whatever, is seriously overblown in my opinion.

You already know what you have to do, so just do it. Leave her alone, till she wants her stuff, or put it on her porch, whatever, but don't allow yourself to get stuck on what was a great time because your feelings are hurt that its over.

There is always next summer, who knows.