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rhettladue · Oct 25, 2010, 11:10 AM

My wife out of the blue said she was not happy and needed to take care of herself, she said she was unsure from the beginning, she said she lost part of herself and built walls that were too big to overcome, she inherited some money when her mother died, we had some disagreement as to how this would affect us , now she won't even try to save our marriage

smoothy · Oct 25, 2010, 11:25 AM

There really isn't anything you can do if she isn't willing to do anything.

How does the old saying go? It takes two to tango?

Sorry to hear it... perhaps she is suffering from depression from the loss. But again as an adult... you can't MAKE her do anything unless she is a danger to herself or others. And even then it takes a court order.

rhettladue · Oct 25, 2010, 01:36 PM

Thanks but I am not trying to do anything about it just trying to cope with the situation, the leaving was so sudden and unexpected and without any warning, she went on a cruise with her son and came back and wrote me a letter saying she could no longer continue in this marriage.

Stringer · Oct 25, 2010, 05:05 PM

Apparently she was prepared for the decision that she made, you obviously were not. It will take time to adjust to this abrupt change, if indeed you didn't see it coming. You could seek counseling (professional or religious) that may help you.

When someone makes the decision to leave any relationship they take the responsibility for doing so and may have thoughts later as to whether that decision was the correct thing to do and have to live with that decision.

I do not know all the circumstances that led to this thing happening and there could be many, but I wish you luck.

Stringer

smoothy · Oct 25, 2010, 06:04 PM

Get a divorce lawyer ASAP... consider moving any bank assets into an account with your name only... so she can't decide she wants all the money too while you are at work..

Jake2008 · Oct 26, 2010, 06:27 AM

It sounds to me that this has been in the planning stages for a long time. It is too bad that she didn't let you in on it, before she decided to jump ship.

Smoothy is so right about the finances. While you sit trying to figure this out, she is already leap years ahead of you. I know that when my husband had an inheritance when his parents died, that money was considered only his, unless five years had passed. That was legal advice, and I am in Canada, so it may be different there.

What I'm getting at is, maybe this move has happened now, because the money she has received is not joint. She had an opportunity, and took it, to keep the money for herself, and split with you.

Don't let that happen to joint bank accounts. Cancel your credit cards, and get a separation agreement in place. Draw a line in the sand as far as gaining access to putting a second mortgage on the house, or taking a loan out, or running up an overdraft. Without a legal separation in place, you are only left presuming that she will not take all that she can get.

Above anything else right now, cover yourself financially, and get some good legal advice, including the inheritance. I don't know that because you aren't still married to her, that that would not be included as a joint asset. Again, I am no lawyer, and this is only a guess, but please check it out and make sure you know how to proceed regardless.

You will have time to work through all the rest of the emotional side of all of this, and I don't mean to minimize it in any way, shape or form. You are understandably devastated. But for now, start with a lawyer to stop potential problems, and give you some peace of mind.