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bellarn88 · Oct 25, 2010, 01:30 PM

Soo... I snooped around my boyfriends computer a little today. I know it's wrong was just curious. Anyway, I found a TON of porn, just from his lunch break. The majority of it was plus size porn... it was kind of weird, I'm not skinny, a size 9 and curvey, but I'm not a bbw like these girls. Kind of creeped me out how much he had looked up and downloaded. He's kind of a sex addict now I feel too. Also, he was on ask men and clicked on an article for best vacation spots for single men. Should I be worried?

Enigma1999 · Oct 25, 2010, 01:33 PM

How old are you two?

jmjoseph · Oct 25, 2010, 01:38 PM

Sometimes guys look at porn.

Also, they get upset when they are under investigation.

Alty · Oct 25, 2010, 01:42 PM

If your boyfriend snooped on you what would he find?

When you poke your nose into other peoples business you sometimes find things you won't like.

In a real relationship people communicate with each other, they don't need to go behind the other persons back and spy.

Porn is not something to be concerned about. Everyone has their fetish, their thing, that doesn't mean that's what they want in a real relationship. If you're really concerned than talk to him. Of course that means admitting that you invaded his privacy.

Enigma1999 · Oct 25, 2010, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Sometimes guys look at porn.

Also, they get upset when they are under investigation.

Ok, so since you are going to answer without the OP's age, then I guess I will chime in as well.

A lot of people look at porn. I don't think that there is anything wrong with it.

I do, however, think that it is wrong to pretend that you are on to something by snooping around.

Trust him as I am sure he trusts you. When he starts bringing hookers home, is when you can start questioning him...

bellarn88 · Oct 25, 2010, 01:58 PM

We're in our mid 20s. I'm OK w looking at porn. It was the plus sized, bbw stuff that through me off. I guess it makes me concerned that I'm overweight or big like that, I don't think I am... or I don't know I've just never had a boyfriend into that.

Cat1864 · Oct 25, 2010, 02:00 PM

This seems to be more about the relationship than about what he might be looking at.

Yes, snooping is wrong. It is an invasion of privacy. It shows that you aren't secure in the relationship.

Why would you consider him a 'sex addict' for looking at adult material? What 'a ton' is to you may not be to someone else. It may be he was looking for something for a practical joke. He may have it to catch someone snooping on his computer.

Can he not read an article without you getting insecure? If he read an article about childbirth, would you think he was pregnant? Besides how do you know he read the article and didn't just click on a link?

Communicate with him instead of deciding that you now know everything about him. Tell him you snooped and ask him if you should be concerned.

Communicate or move on.

slapshot_oi · Oct 25, 2010, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by bellarn88

. . . Kind of creeped me out how much he had looked up and downloaded.

Well that's your own damn fault. You wouldn't feel this way if you never looked in the first place.

Let me leave you with a quote to meditate on: "If you have to ask, you weren't intended to know. And if you ask, prepare yourself for an answer you don't want to hear."

bellarn88 · Oct 25, 2010, 02:18 PM

Woah you guys are brutal. I admitted it was wrong to snoop. And didn't assume anything wrong like cheating or anything, just wanted some advice because I love and care about him and was concerned about it. I'm a smart girl, am still getting to know him more everyday, and just wanted to see if this was normal or something to bring up to him. Geez louise.

Enigma1999 · Oct 25, 2010, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by bellarn88

woah you guys are brutal. I admitted it was wrong to snoop. and didn't assume anything wrong like cheating or anything, just wanted some advice because I love and care about him and was concerned about it. i'm a smart girl, am still getting to know him more everyday, and just wanted to see if this was normal or something to bring up to him. geez louise.

Yes, it is normal for guys and girls to look at porn.

You have nothing to be concerned about. If you are, then bring it to his attention.

ITstudent2006 · Oct 25, 2010, 02:27 PM

Nothing to say here that hasn't been said... although the whole thing the vacation spot, I would have looked just because I'm curious and I'm married so I wouldn't worry about him leaving you for this destination :)

Rick

P.S. Just for kicks and giggles I would like to announce again how wrong it is to snoop.

Cat1864 · Oct 25, 2010, 02:49 PM

Bellarn, you don't say that you think someone is a sex addict or that it creeped you out if you aren't concerned about his/her behavior.

I think you are recognizing the bit of over reacting that set in when you looked at his computer. When looking at another person's computer (with or without permission), keep an open mind. You never know what he/she might think about what is on yours.

bellarn88 · Oct 25, 2010, 03:18 PM

Thank you, that is helpful

martinizing2 · Oct 26, 2010, 12:31 AM

[QUOTEwoah you guys are brutal. I admitted it was wrong to snoop. And didn't assume anything wrong like cheating or anything, just wanted some advice because I love and care about him and was concerned about it. I'm a smart girl, am still getting to know him more everyday, and just wanted to see if this was normal or something to bring up to him. Geez louise.][/QUOTE]

The truth sometimes is brutal.
It is not what you did so much as it was breaking trust.
That is always damaging and hard to get by.

I daresay almost all men will look at porn when they have the chance.
As long as it is not child porn , and you evidently didn't know until you snooped
That he was even looking at it,.
Why is it a problem?

If this is the biggest problem you have in your relationship
You are doing very well.

I wish you well

smoothy · Oct 26, 2010, 06:13 AM

Word to the wise... everyone has personal space... most people get upset when its violated... snooping will kill a relationship faster than you can comprehend.

vikyms · Oct 26, 2010, 03:13 PM

Well my boyfriend warranted snooping he was caught lying to me on several occasions... so a little snooping can be a good thing.

Enigma1999 · Oct 26, 2010, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by vikyms

well my boyfriend warranted snooping he was caught lying to me on several occasions...so a little snooping can be a good thing.

If you don't trust your partner enough, and you have to snoop, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with that person.

Also, I don't mean you as in "you", it's a blanket statement.

smoothy · Oct 26, 2010, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by vikyms

well my boyfriend warranted snooping he was caught lying to me on several occasions...so a little snooping can be a good thing.

And you have never, ever lied or declined volunteering information about something you have done?

Really Vikyms... I'll bet if it was him doing the snooping on you, that you would be screaming bloody murder.

Seriously... snooping is seriously immature, PARTICULARLY when you are just dating. After all... no ring on the finger... he can do anything he wants... you aren't his wife and thus have no expectation of absolute fidelity.

vikyms · Oct 26, 2010, 04:07 PM

I don't lie and if he was to snoop more power to him I have nothing to hide and nothing to worry about..

vikyms · Oct 26, 2010, 04:07 PM

Oh and we are not dating we are living together