[ProudMother24]

I don't know why I feel this, but I noticed that every time my MIL is holding my son, she will never give him to me, I feel like she doesn't want me to hold him. For example we were having dinner, while my husband and I were eating she was holding him. I finished my dinner first, so I was just sitting at the table, my MIL waited until my husband finished eating to give him the baby, but to hand the baby to him she had to pass me, so I offered to hold the baby, and my MIL says "No its ok I'll give it to him" so it seemed as if she didn't want me to hold my baby. So that was one scenario. Then I just kept noticing that every time she holds him, she will wait until my husband isn't doing anything so that she can give him the baby,if she has to eat, go to the bathroom etc.. Meanwhile I'm just sitting there not doing anything. Another incident happened last night when my MIL and SIL came to visit, my MIL was holding my son, then he started to cry, so my MIL gave him to my husband, I was sitting right next to my husband then my baby put his hand out because he wanted to go to me, so my husband gave him to me, then my MIL stood right up from the couch and walked over to me and carried the baby.
This is really bothering me and I don't know if I'm just overreacting or what, but as much as I want to tell my husband I feel bad because that is his mother and I don't want us to fight over that. Any advice??

[Fr_Chuck]

No, you are not standing up for yourself, and your husband is not giving you respect and telling his mom to stop it.

I would merely explain to her that if she wants to hold the baby, she will give the child back to you when you want him. If not, merely don't allow her to hold the child. And explain this to husband, who should agree with you.

[tickle]

It appears that you are over-reacting. Your are the mother so insist, politely, that you would like your baby given back to you. I don't see the problem here really but it will be a big problem if you insist on over-reacting.

Tick

[Jake2008]

You have set a dangerous precident here.

You've allowed her to actually take the baby out of your hands, and you never say (while she is waiting for your husband to give the baby to), "no, it's okay, I'll take him". You just sit there with egg on your face.

Actions speak far louder than words, and I would take the mother in law to be quite clearly bypassing you, and ignoring your gestures to take the baby. That's just not nice.

What would you do if your mother in law was your next door neighbour or a distant cousin- allow the same behaviour without saying anything?

Nobody handled my baby without permission. It is just not okay for her to presume that she can.

This is your baby. If she goes to take him, or insists on holding him until your husband returns from the loo, step up, take the baby, and offer no apologies.

She has overstepped her bounds.

[Cynthiad]

My MIL was a thorn in my side from the day I went into labor with my first child. Looking back, I see how selfish and immature she was. She absolutely needed to feel adored by her grandchildren and didn't care what she had to do to get it. She assumed she would be in the room when I had my first, which I quickly clarified with the nurse to get her out of there. Not once, in the 21 years that I knew her... having three children... did she EVER show any concern for my well-being, during pregnancy, labor or afterward. I was treated as a vehicle to give her another baby to validate her self-worth. She was so full of herself she was completely unreachable, but all the while, hogging my babies from me. She knew I didn't like her and I think she knew I was on to her selfish games. It was only when she developed dymentia that I felt relieved. But, thanks to her, I've learned a lot about how NOT to be when my sons marry.

Basically, do what feels right for you as the mother. It's your baby, not hers. She has her place and is disrespecting yours. Put on a smile, and take charge. Each time, it will get easier. Sure, she should be in the child's life, but not in control of yours. If your husband doesn't see your side, as mine never did, I'm guessing there are deep issues which need to be addressed between you two.