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theba · Dec 11, 2006, 10:19 PM

I'm 21 and I've been going out with a girl for a few months now. We have sex now and again when the time is right but I have a severe problem orgasming... I don't. I've never come for her, not even for me!
I can keep an erection for as long as I want and just never get all the way, not even masturbating. As you can imagine, at this stage in my life, it is very worrying. My girlfriend thinks its just hereditary but I sense it bothers her a little too, even though she'd never say and she still enjoys the sex.
What can I do? I doubt it's a physical problem because I have come in wet dreams before.
I am lost and in need of help!!
Also, I am not on any medication or anything.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 11, 2006, 11:13 PM

Huh, What seems to be the problem? You know how many women would die for a guy that can not orgasm.

theba · Dec 12, 2006, 08:13 AM

Yes, I know. But I'm worried about me and am afraid that I might not be able to have kids and stuff.
This is surely abnormal plus I feel like I'm really missing out!

phillysteakandcheese · Dec 12, 2006, 08:19 AM

To make it extremely simple...

First, visit the doctor and rule out any phyiscal problems.

Second, visit a counsellor and rule out any emotional or mental baggage you are hanging on to. This second part is much ewasier said than done... and may take awhile to sort through.

theba · Dec 12, 2006, 08:24 AM

Thanks. But as you said,it will be very difficult.
Especially for me, as I have a stutter in my speech and find these situations hard enough as it is.
Have you ever heard of anyone with a similar problem?.

cyberslider · Dec 12, 2006, 10:26 AM

When you have sex try closing your eyes and think of the most erotic thing you can think of that excites you and let your mind and body go with those thoughts only think of nothing except sex and the pleasure and leave everything else go from your thoughts. Start with lots of foreplay and use some sensation oils to add to you stimulation and hers. Also taking vitamins with minerals daily helps with the sperm production too. Myself I want my women to have three or four good orgasms before I have one.

theba · Jan 8, 2007, 06:51 PM

Thanks for the help so far guys, but please also note, this is not just an intercourse problem.
I can't even come to ejaculation by myself.
The only time I've ever come is in wet dreams.
It is incredibly frustrating to have never fully experienced this at this stage in my life...

Keep the help coming if possible (pardon the pun)

JoeCanada76 · Jan 8, 2007, 08:38 PM

Maybe it is frustrating because your worrying about it too much. Stress, can be the cause of this. Why should you worry about this. If you want to get it checked out, go to the doctor and I am sure they will direct you in the right direction.

tamed · Jan 11, 2007, 10:50 AM

Try getting your girlfriend to do the masturbating for you, try to relax and enjoy the moment. See what happens.

theba · Jan 12, 2007, 08:26 AM

Cheers tamed but I've done that a few times already.
It's still nice and great that we can have this kind of time , etc. but it is very frustrating and damaging to my confidence or ego that I can't get all the way like every other guy...

tamed · Jan 12, 2007, 09:09 AM

The fact that you have ejaculated in wet dreams means the problem lies with your consciousness (i.e. when you are awake). While asleep, your body is fully relaxed but when you are awake you are tense (very) and for one reason or another you can't seem to let go. So I will ask you this, would you regard yourself as a 'control freak'? What are your views on sex? What are your parents view on sex? I ask because something deep within your subconscious is holding you back, aside from stress, its as if you don't want to let go. Also what is your relationship like with your girlfriend. Sorry to go all Freudian on you but you seem to have exhausted most possibilities (aside from seeing a doctor) and you said you have a bit of a stutter so I'm wondering if that maybe part of your problem- letting go/shame. Shame as you know comes in all shapes and sizes and this may be one of them. I'm rambling now so I'm going to stop, if any of the things I've mentioned are a cause for concern then let me know.

theba · Jan 17, 2007, 07:38 PM

Cheers again tamed.

You've touched on a lot of issues there, most of which ARE relevant.

My girlfriend is fine with this and really tries to make me feel at ease. She also is willing to try anything (within reason) to help me.

I imagine my parents would have a negative view on sex, although they haven't specifically said so as they tend to shy away from the subject.

My stuttery speech and the tension and shame it creates may very well have contributed to my subconscious in some emotional manner but I wouldn't have thought this would affect sex, could it? As I say, I've NEVER climaxed!

And no, I'm not a control freak, quite the opposite! Lol

nquiet123 · Jan 19, 2007, 11:17 AM

Maybe you should ask your doctor...