[sheezy1]

I am 40 yo & my boyfriend of almost 4 yrs is 44.From he age of 16 to 37 io was with my children's father.Since I have been with my new boyfriend my personality has changed dramaticly.When my boyfriend is not with me I have CONSANT,OBSESSIVE thoughts about him not loving me,not being physically attracted to me. When I met him I actually thought that this was the last chance @ true love. He is generally a good hardworking,honest & caring individuattl.We don't spend a lot of time together,he says he's the type of person who values his alone time.We live together & I can't get my head around why he would choose a live in full time & family oriented relationship.There has always been a extreme lack of phsical intimacy.My libido is higher than his.We've gone as long as 3 months without being intimate,& me asking for it every night.I have been rejected sexually constantly for the lasttttt 4 yeart s.My self esteem is so low,actually I have no self esteem.I think about dying every day.I really need emotional help,but I can't even bring myself to leave our room.I cry every minute that he's not here.I was never this way before in my life.The tape of self hatred plays constantly & I can't stop it.Is there anyone out there that is experiencing the same thing?How do I stop this self hatred?? HELP PLEASE!

[dhuber]

I am a therapist in Maryland and treat others with self esteem issues. It sounds like you have baggage but that doesn't make you a bad person or stuff your fault. You may have issues that have left you insecure and with low self esteem. Relationships have a way of doing this.

In your insecurity you may not need or understand those that need space. This can be painful for those who need to be together all the time. You need to come to a compromise but you still need to give. The same thing with sex. You may be using sex as a way to feel validated and less insecure. He may realize this. Find more seirous ways to find this validation. I am also about the ages of both of you and I have found out something miraculous since being in a couple in their 40s. Men doesn't always stay so sexual. The libido and the importance of sex changes and we increase our need for companionship.

If you feel you need to talk to someeone do so. S
Elf esteem and issues with insecurity can be discussed with a female therapist or someone who is well versed in women's issues. It would help you to find yourself worth rather than trying to find it in him.