[Daknel]

My girlfriend is upset with me cause I didn't want to have sex with her the other night when she was coming onto me in bed. I didn't feel good and I was tired. I tried to explain this to her but she won't listen to me and has decided to take it personal. She thinks it's cause I'm not into her anymore or connected and that is so not the case.

Any advice on how to fix this?

[Enigma1999]

How old are the two of you?

[Daknel]

She's 23 and I'm 25

[Enigma1999]

Honestly, I think you explained yourself the best you could. (according to your story)

There are going to be times when you as well as she are just not in the mood for a little boom boom.

So let me ask you this, how are you feeling now?

[Daknel]

I'm feeling very "meh." right now.. We had some issues back a few months ago where we went into a "dry spell" in our sex life. It was hard for me to have sex when we had so much stress in our relationship. But that isn't the cause this time

[Enigma1999]

Well being sick and stressed can affect the libido.

I know that when I am stressed out about something, the last thing I want to do is have sex...

The reason why I asked how you were feeling, is because if you are feeling better, you could always give her a special night tonight...

... just saying.

[Daknel]

I wish I could but.. she's just.. herself, heh.. when she's mad she locks herself upstairs and won't talk to me or listen to what I have to say. She does this with anything she's mad about.. its getting really old..

[Enigma1999]

How long have you two been together?

Do you live together?

[Daknel]

We've been together almost a year now. And yeah she lives here.

[Enigma1999]

I think that you two should sit down, in a calm manner and discuss how you are feeling.

I feel as if there is a lack of communication here. Also, some childish behavior. (with locking herself in the bedroom)

[Daknel]

We had several talks and some times it just doesn't work. She closes up so much. I try and ask her how she feels and questions and she'll just shrug and be like "I dont know" and when she's really mad she'll completely block me out and leave.

[Enigma1999]

How are you when you get upset? Do you block her out and leave? Or stay and try to work it out.

Have you two thought about going to counseling?

[Daknel]

When there is an issue, I like to talk about it right away and try to find a solution. How she reacts to issues is she'll just walk away and won't talk to me till she feels ready to talk about it, which she has every right to do. It's just tuff..

[Enigma1999]

You're right, she does have that right, and some people need to cool off first before they can continue. So she may be playing it smart by doing that.

However, what concerns me is the lack of communication. For her to believe that you are not interested in her because of one night of feeling sick and not wanting to make love, doesn't add up.

Are you giving her that reassurance that she needs in the relationship?

Do you go out of your way to make her feel special?

No one just closes themselves off completely for no reason.

[Daknel]

I do my best, sometimes I mess up and do something stupid or careless. But I try every day to make her feel loved and wanted. She's pretty immature and extremely hypersensitive, but I love her nonetheless.. maybe I'm just stupid heh

[Enigma1999]

No I don't think you're stupid. It seems as if you really care about this girl, after all you are here asking us how to better your relationship, right?

I just think that there needs to be compromises as well as better communication.

Perhaps counseling might hel you two. Especailly if you want to be with this girl for a long time/ if not for ever.

Either way, it has to be rectified.

[DoulaLC]

Counseling may be helpful for the two of you to learn how to better interact in times of disappointment or stress.

Maybe, when she is in a better mood, have another talk. Acknowledge that the two of you deal with upsets differently, neither necessarily good or bad, just different. However, the differences stop you from staying as connected during those stressful times as you could be.
Suggest a compromise... you will give her time to go off by herself to contemplate the situation, work through her feelings, and come back at a later time. She will agree to set a time for when the problem will be discussed so that you can talk through your thoughts and feelings on the situation.