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emy1029 · Oct 13, 2010, 06:21 PM

We've been dating almost four months and are incredible together. We talk to each other everyday, we get each other on MOST things, we compliment each other almost everyday, we can talk to each other about things we wouldn't have talked about in past relationships, we are able to joke with each other with offending the other, we aren't afraid to be ourselves with one another, he loves the fact that I'm not real prissy & girly and I love the fact that he isn't judgemental, we are goofy & relaxed, and we genuinely care for each other. There have just been two problems; communication & my self-sabotaging, which is something I've realized, admitted, and am now changing. He has been amazing and has tried to jump through every hoop only to have me make him feel like it's never good enough. It kills me that I've made him feel that way now that I'm able to recognize it. He's moving about 1 hour away for work and will be working his same schedule (7 days a week, 10-15 hrs/day). He is now confused on whether we should stay together... because of the strain on our relationship, because he doesn't know if he can handle never getting to see me, and because he doesn't know how it will be when he virtually does not have any time to give me. We talked about all of this last night for a couple of hours and he didn't ask for space nor did we break up, if he wanted either of those he's the type to say so. He said he wanted to think about everything for now. When we parted he kissed me a few times, hugged me tightly for quite a while, and said he'd get ahold of me later (mind you we used to talk to each other multiple times a day, everyday and it was mostly him initiating contact). He never got ahold of me last night. This morning I sent a text letting him know that I was sick and that he may want to stock up on OJ/meds and told him that I hoped he & the guys had fun with the new xbox & TV. He replied only about the xbox & TV, I responded to that, but he didn't reply again. In the late afternoon I sent a FWD to everyone and he replied about that. I then sent a joking reply and he, again, never responded. I am more than willing to give him space, but I'm not sure if that's what he's wanting. And, I've been told that sometimes if you give too much space (or when it's not wanted/needed) you're doing more damage. I'm just not sure what he needs from me. I want to be supportive of him, but not a pushover either.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 13, 2010, 07:12 PM

If he is not responding to your text, leave him alone. Give him a few days. If you still don't hear from him, text him and ask if he is OK. If you don't hear from him again, leave him alone. Maybe he is just not wanting to continue the relationship.

You said the relationship is good, you are good together, then you said you were sabotaging it. What were you doing?

emy1029 · Oct 13, 2010, 08:46 PM

I would second guess him constantly. I would second guess things he'd say, I didn't really believe that he cared for me, I kept thinking he might find someone better.. even though he gave me no reason to feel that way. I'm in my late 20's and had been struggling for a long time trying to figure out where my emotional issues come from. Last year I realized I am ADD (which if not knowing you are while growing up it can cause a lot of emotional damage due to people constantly telling you that you need to do better) and have never truly had a mentally/emotionally healthy relationship with the male figures in my life. So my relationships have been complete rollercoasters. Difference now is that I actually found a safe person who cares for me as much as I do for him and understands all of those issues, but I think I've already pushed him away to the point that he doesn't know if things will change and he's scared to let himself love me.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 14, 2010, 06:49 AM

Well you have to respect his space.
Have you been diagnosed with ADD?

emy1029 · Oct 14, 2010, 08:33 AM

Yes, I'm dianosed and am on meds. I'm very willing to respect his space. He just didn't say that's what he wanted, but isn't really contacting me or replying to me as much/in the same way he normally would. He's asked for a few days to himself before and I was respective of that, but then he would find a reason at least once a day to contact me. It got to the point that I told him that he had asked for a small amount of space, that was I respecting his wishes and he needed to do just that and could call me when he was ready. He called & text several times later that night. Right now it's just that I am not sure if he wants to still be contacting him or if he wants to be left alone. He's always very straight up with me and that's why I'm so confused. He hasn't asked for space, but he isn't as interactive either.

emy1029 · Oct 14, 2010, 09:38 AM

I think that I should also put in there that not only am I ADD, but he is diagnosed as ADHD. However, I'm on meds and he is not.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 14, 2010, 11:50 AM

I would leave him alone. Hwe will contact you of it is what he wants to do.
Give him a few days.