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anon81ymous · Jul 1, 2010, 01:30 PM

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago because he couldn't trust me as I am friends with my ex (I haven't seen him for months and I only phoned him once). He told me he still loves me but can't be friends with me because it hurts him knowing I might get a new guy. He also says he will feel bad for breaking my friendship with my ex so he ended the relationship. I told him I still love him and that I deleted my ex's number off my phone. He hasn't replied to my texts or calls. Will he ever call me back and want to make up considering he says he loves me?

BWK10 · Jul 1, 2010, 02:57 PM

Give him sometime to think about things.

Devorameira · Jul 1, 2010, 04:10 PM

It's really hard to say. If he's had some other bad experiences with women that broke his trust, he may decide not to call at all.

You're going to have to wait him out and see.

talaniman · Jul 1, 2010, 04:50 PM

I really don't know, but I understand how he feels, and truly do know how you feel. How long had you been in a relationship with him?

anon81ymous · Oct 9, 2010, 06:59 AM

My boyfriend of 2 yrs told me I am not the best looking girl but he loves me for my personality. He strives for perfection and told me I could improve my looks further. He knows I am a bit chubby and could lose some weight but I am wondering if he is only with me because he can rely on me and I am dependable therefore I am the safe option. He told me he was lost without me when we broke up some months ago but he has dumped me several times before because I was still friends with an ex boyfriend and he was jealous but I have never cheated on him at all. I am very committed to the relationship and I sometimes feel like he is immature. He is younger than me and he tells me he wants a family with me. He still lives with his parents but I have a good career and my own place and feel like he is depending on me to further himself. I wonder if he would go off with another woman who is better looking than me and who has the same good qualities that he loves about me. I feel like I will never be good enough for him because he wants perfection and he is waiting for someone better to come along but he says that if someone better came along he would still be with me. I just don't know whether to break up with him. I need to be sure he is not using me and loves me properly.

talaniman · Oct 9, 2010, 07:38 AM

He told me he was lost without me when we broke up some months ago but he has dumped me several times before because I was still friends with an ex boyfriend and he was jealous but I have never cheated on him at all

Seems to me that all this break up over you being in contact with an ex is what's at the heart of this insecurity, and worry in his head. Maybe you haven't cheated, but it certainly puts a thought that you may, just because you stay in touch. Not sure I wouldn't feel the same. Now all these break ups are taking a toll on you, and your thinking, and you are getting insecure about him. What a vicious circle.

Seems to me that if not making him jealous by cutting contact with an ex would make this relationship better, then you would do so. Doesn't matter if that contact is innocent, or not. Its certainly a big deal to him.

It also seems as though after two years, and a few break ups, its logical to assume this issue was resolved by you promising to leave the ex alone, and not contact him, so if I am right, you haven't kept your end of the bargain. I don't know how things will work out between you, no one does, but if you have had these thoughts that he isn't right for you, then you have had enough chances to end it with him, and still can if you wish. That's always been your option.

Enigma1999 · Oct 9, 2010, 07:39 AM

"he says that if someone better came along he would still be with me."

That right there, that you said, upset me. If I were in a relationship, and he was concerned that someone else better would come along, I would tell him, "There is no one else better, I want you, and nobody else. You're perfect the way you are!"

Your post rubbed me the wrong way. Not because of you, because I think that YOU, my dear, can do better then him.

I am sorry for sounding harsh.

The fact that he told you that you can improve your looks further. I don't like that one bit. Who cares if you're a little thick. Thick women are beautiful.

If you feel like you need to change you, then that's one thing, but don't let people make you feel any less.

I am not saying that he doesn't love or care about you, I just think that he makes you feel unattractive. A loving partner doesn't or shouldn't do that. He should be making you feel as if you are the most beautiful person in the world.

Does that make sense?

JoeCanada76 · Oct 9, 2010, 07:46 AM

I honestly think that he was looking for an easy way out. I do not really think he loves you and he might be with someone else or wants to be with someone else.

For him to be so insecure about a number or an ex. Or a friend whatever it may be. Is just over kill and over board.
I honestly think that your better off without him.

Let him go, if this is what takes to break somebody up I would hate to see you both try to get through even tougher situations, which will not happen.

The only thing I can see if you guys tried to stay together is continual break ups every time there is any kind of disagreement, I can also see that every time somebody gets insecure in the relationship will end because of accusations and guilt trips.

This break up and hopefully its for good and you should be looking at it as a blessing.

anon81ymous · Oct 9, 2010, 08:43 AM

I haven't been in contact with my ex so I have kept my end of the bargain. I'm worried that he is only with me till someone better comes along.

talaniman · Oct 9, 2010, 08:51 AM

If you feel that way, why stay until he finds someone else that's better than you?? Does that sound healthy to you??

DoulaLC · Oct 9, 2010, 09:45 AM

He has told you that he wouldn't leave, but unfortunately some of his comments in the past about your looks have already planted that seed of doubt.

Maybe try to think of it this way: There will always be better looking people, people with more money, better jobs, etc. but he has told you that he loves you, wants to have children with you, was lost without you when you were apart.
He apparently has no interest in looking for someone "better".

Had you ever commented on not being happy with how you look... with wanting to lose some weight? Perhaps his commenting on getting into better shape was a fumbled way of trying to encourage you.

Are you happy with how you look? If not, do what you need to do to make changes. If you are happy, then tell him that you are and that his comments have hurt you and caused you to wonder about his comments of wanting to be with you.

He lives at home, but does he have a decent job himself? Is he working on his education? What does he do?

What are some examples of his wanting perfection?

Is there anything he could say or do that would ease your mind? If not, then you will either have to work on that yourself, continue with how things are now, or end the relationship.