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beckymathis · Oct 7, 2010, 04:45 AM

Hi, I have a four year old stepson who has lived with my husband and I since August of 2008, and has not seen his biological mother since. He calls me mom and that is all he knows, we have not seen or heard from her in almost three years. We were served papers the other day that stated that she filed, and is trying to get temporary sole custody ans eventually get full custody. My son has no idea who she is, or anything about her and already has separation anxiety when it comes to his dad. We are going to hire a lawyer, I would just like some information on how things could go. My husband and I have talked about me adopting my stepson, and we both think that is in his best interest. We want to keep our son full time and not put him through any thing that is going to damage him emotionally. All of his records since August 2008 are under my name, including doctors, insurance, his daycare when he went, and we have maintained finanical responsibility for him and anything he needs or wants.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 7, 2010, 04:52 AM

You says he lived with you, does that mean the father has court ordered custody ?

MIZZ.CASTANEDA · Oct 7, 2010, 06:08 AM

Well this is a sad probelem because it looks like you really love that little boy... well the true I don't know but all I could say is good luck and pray to lord everything goes good... Well I got a question does your husband have custody from court or some legal paper of the lady saying he gives him the little boys custody?? If you do you will always have the little boy... And yea it would be a good idea if you adopt the little boy

martinizing2 · Oct 7, 2010, 08:21 AM

I would get an attorney now.
If you have been served , you will be in court
And you want the best attorney you can get.

I have been through a custody battle.
You need an attorney.

beckymathis · Oct 8, 2010, 01:10 PM

I do love my son very much, and it would kill me if something happened. No we don't have any paperwork stating who my son is to live with. However he has been with us and knows nothing of the woman trying to take him away from his family. My husband picked up our son from her almost three years ago, and he was in his carseat on the curb with his diaper bag next to him, she was not to be seen when my husband pulled up. This was the last time my son has seen her. It will be three years this coming August.

martinizing2 · Oct 8, 2010, 02:51 PM

I will say again,

Get an attorney... now.

If money is a problem (and when isn't it) contact your local bar association . They may be able to refer you to an agency or attorney, or group that can help.

I would not delay another minute.

I wish you well.

cdad · Oct 8, 2010, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by beckymathis

I do love my son very much, and it would kill me if something happened. No we dont have any paperwork stating who my son is to live with. However he has been with us and knows nothing of the woman trying to take him away from his family. My husband picked up our son from her almost three years ago, and he was in his carseat on the curb with his diaper bag next to him, she was not to be seen when my husband pulled up. This was the last time my son has seen her. It will be three years this coming August.

Sole custody and full custody can mean the same thing. Sole means "only" and full custody would be a "only" situation. The difference being there could still be shared legal custody.

At this point in time it might be best to cut things off at the knees so to speak. A few things you have to remember.

1) You are not the child's bio mother and have no rights at this time.

2) You have no fight here its all on your husbands shoulders.

I would recommend getting a parental evaluation from the get go in this type of situation. They are NOT cheap. Average costs can be $1,500 to $2,000. But the advantage to it is that it allows an outsider to make an actual evaluation and recommend things to the courts that they are likely to follow as this is outside their given field of expertise. The bio mom may be entitled to visitation and some type of getting to know you period. So prepare yourself. This should all have been taken care of years ago and support should have been ordered. It could make it a lot easier for an adoption should that come into the equation.