[Hinder]

Tomorrow I turn 28, but it won't be a very happy birthday. I am a single male and I have been for my entire life. I have never even had a very long conversation with a girl, let alone kissed one.

[lickemlolly]

So what exactly do you need advise on?

[Hinder]

That's cool it just decided to post after I wrote a single sentence. Anyway like I was saying, its not a nervousness issue. I don't like break out into a sweat when I'm talking to a woman.
Its really more like I have never in my entire life had a single opportunity. Its just never happened for me. Not once. Im actually kind of bitter about it now. I feel like its way too late for me to start with absolutely zero experience. I don't know how to approach women. I don't really know how to talk to them. I don't have any physical experience, obviously. I feel like the time for me to learn all that has passed and I am locked into a state of being alone that ill never be able to break out of.
Ill be honest, I am not a physically attractive man. I actually think women are intimidated by my appearance, and that reaction probably makes me lose any motivation to approach anyone while also serving to isolate me.
I don't know what I can do about this. I can't change who I am. Am I just doomed to be completely alone for the rest of my life?

[lickemlolly]

Its never too late... but what you need to do is start going out... you are single so that works in your favor.. no attatchments... try going out to a few bars and sort of observe how other people interact... then try socializing with a few people see what works and what doesn't... dont try to be something that you aren't... just be yourself... somethings will work and others won't when you talk to a woman.. pay attention to her body language.. it says a lot about a woman.. if she's leaning into your conversation.. keeping good eye contact and smiling then chances are you have her interest.. if she's kind of just looking around like her interest is elsewhere she probably isn't intereseted... I did an extensive research paper on relationships and body language so I have a good understanding of it.. but you got to get out there and try is my point... trial and error.. dont be upset if you don't succeed right away.. who knows you may be a natural

[Hinder]

You really think someone with absolutely no experience and as old as I am can just go hit the bar scene and figure it all out? I don't mean to sound offensive or ungrateful for your reply but it seems like a long shot to me. I can imagine myself just sitting the bar for months, never being approached or finding the opportunity to approach anyone.

[lickemlolly]

Lol it's a learning process... its relatively easy for a woman because someone usually approaches her... but you have to try it.. before you just throw in the towel and say it seems like a long shot.. everyone has to start somewhere.. you don't have any guy friends? You guys could go out as a group... have FUN... you see an attractive girl ask her if you can buy her a drink.. good way to open up the floor for conversation then go from there.. if you guys hit it tell her she seems like an interesting person and you'd love to get to know her more... ask if shed like to go out or can you call her sometime

[murph35]

Do you have any hobbies or interests?

Are you apart of any clubs etc?

Talking to women is the very same as talking to a man,you would not start by saying 'hey baby' of course not! You would say hello. If your in a similar setting such as a shared interest its easier to find a topic for discussion,its easier to ask a question and strike up a conversation,if the most you get too is asking a question and saying thanks,that's a start,build up your confidence.

I can tell you for a fact that there are beautful women who are madly in love,married and have children to men that thought they were physically unattractive.

As you get to know someone's personality how they look changes... beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

Love changes your eyesight... sounds odd,as in a women start to see the real person not the appearance.your not doomed as you say,but you have to try.

Joining a gym may also help build up your confidence,being physically fit will help your mental and emotional state,plus,women go to gyms too!

[Jake2008]

Are you a normally shy person who spends most of your time alone? Or do you have any friends to hang out with. I ask because, it is easier to go with a friend you are comfortable with to any social setting.

The last time you attended a family social event like a wedding or birthday, how does that go for you. Are you comfortable with familiar places and people? Or does the whole thing of interracting with people (regardless of the immediate issue), limit even social situations where most would be comfortable.

Sometimes, it just isn't easy to get out there and mingle, no matter who the people are, what the purpose is, or what type of social event it is.

In a roundabout way, what I'm asking is what may be causing or undermining success for you. Maybe it has nothing to do with you, your looks or your personality at all. Could it perhaps be an anxiety type of problem?

If the only social problem you have is finding a girl, or a girlfriend, or having a relationship with a girl, that is one thing. But, if this encompasses more than just not having a partner, a little more information to clarify would be helpful.

[Cat1864]

If you see yourself as 'intimidating' to women, you may not be opening yourself up to being approached.

Interests and hobbies are great ways to have a common ground for opening discussions. Continuing education classes, community center based classes, the gym, volunteering, etc. Can be structured settings where you can meet people and become more confident in interacting with them.

It is never too late to get rid of old habits and learn new ways of doing things. You have to want to make the changes. Not easy but it can be done. Start by looking at your positives. Don't dwell on the negatives. What you see as a negative, may be a huge positive to someone else if you give that person a chance to get to know you or for you to know them.

[redhed35]

Good questions for the op to consider.

[Homegirl 50]

When you are unhappy with yourself, when you believe you are unattractive and intimidating, you carry yourself that way, you send out "get away" vibes.

I'm a firm believer in that there is someone out there for anybody who wants to share their life with someone.
Relax, be yourself, socialize become more comfortable in your social circle. As you do that, you will be more open to women.

[Hinder]

Are you a normally shy person who spends most of your time alone? Or do you have any friends to hang out with. I ask because, it is easier to go with a friend you are comfortable with to any social setting.

No I do not have any friends I can go with. That's another thing that seems to have simply gotten away from me. In high school I had friends, but after that we all went our separate ways and that was it. I never seemed to have an opportunity to make new friends after that.

The last time you attended a family social event like a wedding or birthday, how does that go for you. Are you comfortable with familiar places and people? Or does the whole thing of interracting with people (regardless of the immediate issue), limit even social situations where most would be comfortable.

Sometimes, it just isn't easy to get out there and mingle, no matter who the people are, what the purpose is, or what type of social event it is.

That's a tough question to answer. As I don't have friends I haven't been to many social scenes. Occasionally my co-workers and I go to a bar after work to unwind. I enjoy it.

In a roundabout way, what I'm asking is what may be causing or undermining success for you. Maybe it has nothing to do with you, your looks or your personality at all. Could it perhaps be an anxiety type of problem?

I doubt it. Its hard to be anxious in or about a situation that never occurs.

If the only social problem you have is finding a girl, or a girlfriend, or having a relationship with a girl, that is one thing. But, if this encompasses more than just not having a partner, a little more information to clarify would be helpful.

Well that's me. I am a 28 year old male with no friends or partner and no idea how to get them. I kind of feel like its too late. Like I've been molded into bachelor mode. My face has frozen in that position, if you will.

[Hinder]

do you have any hobbies or interests?

I like science fiction, computers, airplanes, dogs, and cooking.

are you apart of any clubs ect?

No.

talking to women is the very same as talking to a man,you would not start off by saying 'hey baby' of course not! you would say hello. if your in a similiar setting such as a shared interest its easier to find a topic for discussion,its easier to ask a question and strike up a conversation,if the most you get too is asking a question and saying thanks,thats a start,build up your confidence.

I don't have problems with what to say to women. My problem is that a conversation never occurs.

i can tell you for a fact that there are beautful women who are madly in love,married and have children to men that thought they were physically unattractive.

That is the exception. Not the rule. Beautiful people tend to want beautiful people just the same as everyone else.

as you get to know someones personality how they look changes...beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

love changes your eyesight...sounds odd,as in a women start to see the real person not the appearance.your not doomed as you say,but you have to try.

Our culture has its notions of what is and is not attractive defined for them by the media. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but only if the beholder has a mind strong enough to resist the values forced upon them and arrive at their own conclusions. Such people are already taken ten times out of ten.

joining a gym may also help build up your confidence,being physically fit will help your mental and emotional state,plus,women go to gyms too!

I have joined a gym in the past. It was hardly a boost to myself esteem. They are filled with people who don't even remotely need to be there. An actual out of shape person who needs to get fit is an oddity.

[Hinder]

When you are unhappy with yourself, when you believe you are unattractive and intimidating, you carry yourself that way, you send out "get away" vibes.

I'm a firm believer in that there is someone out there for anybody who wants to share their life with someone.
Relax, be yourself, socialize become more comfortable in your social circle. As you do that, you will be more open to women.

Well that's sort of a catch 22 isn't it? A mobius strip of fail, if you will. I am unhappy with myself because I can't get a girl, so I send out these vibes which prevent me from getting a girl.

[lickemlolly]

Have you ever tried getting a girl? Something to the effect of hello my name is... start from there... what are you doing out tonight... what's your name... ummmm I noticed you from across the way and was wondering if I could get to know you better... the always classic can I buy you a drink... get a conversation going from there... so what do you enjoy doing... hi what's your name... the possibilities are endless here really... there are so many ways to start a conversation... once you have the conversation going you can talk about anything... where are you from what do you do... what do you enjoy what brings you out here tonight... if it seems like it's going good then you can ask if she wants to hang out sometime... can I call you sometime... just have to get into it and see what works and what doesn't

[Hinder]

Have you ever tried getting a girl?? Something to the effect of hello my name is...start from there...what are you doing out tonight...what's your name...ummmm I noticed you from across the way and was wondering if I could get to know you better...the always classic can I buy you a drink...get a conversation going from there...so what do you enjoy doing...hi what's your name...the possibilities are endless here really...there are so many ways to start a conversation...once you have the conversation going you can talk about anything...where are you from what do you do...what do you enjoy what brings you out here tonight...if it seems like it's going good then you can ask if she wants to hang out sometime...can I call you sometime...just have to get into it and see what works and what doesnt

Sure I've tried. The look on her face before I even say a word is enough for me to know.

I guess its hard for you guys to understand.

[albear]

You seem to be putting up a lot of excuses and reasons things won't work.

Tell me if I'm wrong but it it seems like your afraid of failing at this,

I know it doesn't help getting advice from total strangers since you can just dismiss everything so easily, but you won't change anything if you try nothing.

So what if it doesn't work the first, second or even third time, keep trying, rock the boat, stir things up a bit and you'll get different things happening

I know its hard to break out of comfortable routines, ones that you feel safe with.

But if you want things to change you have to do something to change them, and to be honest I think you've been getting a lot of good advice/ ideas on how to do that.

[lickemlolly]

The look on their face? Are you an unattractive guy... I'm trying to understand but your not giving me much to go on... all I'm hearing is I've never had the chance

[Cat1864]

Sure I've tried. The look on her face before i even say a word is enough for me to know.

I guess its hard for you guys to understand.

I do understand. I also know that looks (the ones you are receiving) may not be what you think they are.

One of the reasons I suggested classes was the common ground of what the assignment is, helping a fellow classmate, etc. Volunteering is the same thing. You put the concept of asking someone out on a date on the back burner while you learn to be friends and communicate.

You're learning how to be comfortable with yourself and others.

[Homegirl 50]

You said you go out occasionally with co workers. Why don't you make the suggestion to go out, do it more often, or go out by yourself so that you will feel comfortable in social situations.
Take the things you like to do and look for clubs dedicated to those things.
Take a cooking class or volunteer at your local Animal Shelter There are many ways to connect with people who share the same hobbies. You have to get used to stepping out there. When you become comfortable in social situations you will be more comfortable in one with a young lady.