Hi to the OP,
I have read through the posts in this thread and I see in most of your replies that you and your SO are and have been arguing and throwing accusations at one another for some time, several years in fact.
I would possibly agree your partner is somewhat controlling however I don't think he's a control freak. ( there's a difference a huge one too)
If either one of you had played away from home Im sure there would be something to support those claims in more detail by now.
Maybe he has at some point in the past cheated, I doubt though he is ever going to admit it, and yes many people do show their own guilt by making accusations of same towards their partners.
You seem to have reached a stage of tit for tat, and both are digging your heels in, and unless you both put your pride on hold and consider what you have together then this relationships is on a one way course to disaster and no doubt divorce.
You say you've told him you're going to leave him, he possibly thinks to himself, " she wont she just says that", so how about you carry through with that threat, it could just be the wake up call he needs, or it could mean you get divorced.
You do though need to carry through with any threats like this, or you are merely wasting breath in saying them, the time for mere threats and talking about them has gone, you now have to take action.
Forget the house or who owns it or whose names are on the rent book, or mortgage papers/deeds etc. you can sort that side of it all out later.
If he is adamant he won't seek counselling together then go on your own, and one of the first things you'll be advised to do is, stop focusing on what he's said or done or your feeling you need to justify yourself to him.
You'll also be advised to go back to the time before you married, and remember what it was about him that you fell in love with, and why you feel that isn't there anymore, or if it is. You've obviously got a serious case of communications breakdown here, can you remember when it all started, and what do you personally feel was the reason for things going wrong, apart from the accusations of infidelity that is.
You could also try a softer approach, as in putting these adultery claims to one side, and being nice to him, you've obviously forgotten how to show each other affection, and unless one of you chooses to go past that and start showing the other some affection again, then it won't re appear, if you want this marriage saved though you are going to be advised to do this by a counsellor, so you could maybe make a start on this now.
Also there is another thing you could do, that being don't bite, ignore him when he accuses you of being unfaithful, he knows it gets a reaction out of you, and so he will use it to get at you, but if you refuse to bite, and keep doing this time after time, he will realise it no longer works, and eventually give it up.
You could give these suggestions a thought and maybe put some or part of them to work,
This all being down to whether you want to save your marriage or not. If you don't want to save it, then your best option is to carry out your threat and leave him.
One of you though needs to give sos to speak, being determined to score a point or prove your point isn't going to get either of you anywhere, so you decide are you the more mature of the 2 and can let it go, and ignore the accusations, or are you going to do battle until the bitter end, you know you've been a faithful wife, Im sure he does too.
Is it really worth all the hurt and pain you feel continuing as you are or not, its up to you, only you can change this by changing your attitude and approach to it. Be the adult here and consider the suggestions in this post and those of others here.
This marriage has far too much negative in it, give it some positive and it could grow from there..
Follow the link here for a step by step self help exercise that will show you how to handle confrontations in a more positive way.
Relationship-Help: Handle-Confrontation
This link will help you eliminate revenge or thoughts of.
eliminate revenge