[firenindo]

Okay so here it goes. We met at the beginning of this term at school and she and I are totally in "love" well anyway the point is, is that she is in a relationship right now with an abusive boyfriend and she won't seem to drop his ***, because "I've been with him for almost a year" or "I'm afraid he'll hurt me" or "I don't know"! It bugs the **** out of me. The abusive boyfriend hits her and seems to play the nice guy for a few minutes after to save his , otherwise he is a rude (put in profanity). Well We all know this and she doesn't know why she stays with him. Please help! Am I in a pointless thing and should I say Im done or should a do something else. We have talked for long occasions and she can't bring herself to do it! What should I do.

[jambourrie]

I think it's pointless to even try and bother fighting for her if you already have. You said it yourself that you and her have discussed it, and she just will not - for MANY reasons (the more reasons she can come up with, the more she is proving her comittment to the other guy)leave him.

I say find someone who is deserving of your love and comittment and who is going to give back 100%. That's the ONLY way it is worthwhile.

[Revival]

Personally man, I hate abusive guys in the first place. My sister dated one, and it was utter bs. There's three ways you can go about dealing with this:
A) Get someone involved i.e. cop, school therapist, whatever
B) Turn around and just be her friend for support *and you'll still have to deal with her complaining about being hit*
C) Knock the guy out. Step up and show the guy what its like to be drilled, even if you get your kicked you give him a shiner, you make it public, and you let him know why you did it. People will take notice and people will step up.

You want this girl, get her, she's yours for the taking you just got a step up and be the guy who's willing to intervene on her behalf to get her.

[ylaira]

Revival, almost said it all. Just one thing I'm concerned. You got a girl who doesn't know what to do with her life. It's a pain in the a$$ to get an undecisive person. She doesn't know where to eat, doesn't know how to say no. Maybe that's the reason who you got her even if she's still hooked up.

When you're right, you should be the one more tough,right?

[Theprincess36]

You hit the Nail Directly On the head!

[Theprincess36]

Revival gave you some fantastic advise. Your friend needs your help. There are many many reasons women stay in abusive relationships and those reasons range from fear of what he will do to her or her family, to not believing they deserve anyone better. Her {ex}boyfriends verbal and physical abuse has affected her ego, and she is filled with shame for what is going on in her life. Do not desert her, she really needs you, it may be the only way she will ever get out of a relationship that will ONLY get worse. Allah forbid that she should stay in this long enough to get herself really hurt or worse yet killed. Step up please, so others will follow.

[Revival]

Seriously man, just call him out. You don't even have to fight him. Just make him look like an @$$ hole and you'll be good. Be sure to have a quick wit, and a sharp tongue when he tries to come back at you with anything. But call him out in a public place, let her know you're going to do it. At the end of the day though, you have to do something, regardless of whether you wind up with her. You'll get brownie points if she gets out of it.

How to start?
A) Hey *so and so* I got a suggestion for you... how about you beat your meat instead of your girlfriend?
B) So what's it like being a coward? I mean honestly Who the f*** hits a girl?
C) Word is you hit like a b*tch... kind of suits your appearance.

Throw something at him that will catch him off guard and embarrass him/enrage him in public. Be sure you're ready for a fight though. Even if you do it at school, you get in a fight there, and something happens with the authority you can tell him you were sticking up for whatshername.

Either way man, step up and let us know how it goes.

[ISneezeFunny]

I actually have a different opinion. Is this girl being really abused, or is this what she tells you? Bear with me on this.

If she really IS being hurt, then yes, you need to intervene somehow.

However, if this girl is just TELLING you for the sake of "looking for that knight in shining armor"... you may be in trouble. I say this because I once dated a girl who told me her boyfriend raped her, beat her, and humiliated her in front of everyone, etc. etc. etc. And of course, when I confronted the guy about this, he wasn't all too happy with me.

Turns out, he never hit her, never touched her, etc. He was actually a pretty decent guy. She just told me all this to get some attention. I actually played right into her hand.

So, be careful how you tread. If she is being hurt, then yes, get help, but don't do it because you want her to come running into your arms. Do this because you want a friend to not be hurt.

If she isn't actually being hurt, then I suggest you stay away.

[Theprincess36]

The abusive boyfriend hits her and seems to play the nice guy for a few minutes after to save his , otherwise he is a rude (put in profanity). Well We all know this and she doesn't know why she stays with him.

From this statements it appears that you have either seen it yourself or someone else you trust has. Even if you have not seen him physically hit her, if you have heard the verbal abuse, it is just as damaging. And just as wrong. There is no way to explain what is going on in your friends head or heart, undoubtedly confused, and hurt, but chances are there is a lot more than that. Tread softly with her, now is the time to put her as a person and a friend above trying to convience her to leave him for you... She will need a lot of reassurance and a lot of building up from a friend that truly cares about her... If you follow Rival's advise, she will already know she can trust you in all the ways she can't trust her ex. And when you 2 do get together, you will be in forms, her hero.

[Donnica]

Wow... sounds like she needs a superman! If this guy is really abusive he does not deserve her. Nor does she need to have any contact with him. Try your best to get her away from him. You sound like you really have feelings for this girl so go for it. Make her realise she could have so much better.

Men who are abusive most of the time don't stop and get worst. Her life could be in danger. If you really care for her get her away NOW

[talaniman]

Dude, stay out of this situation as its up to her to deal with her own issues, and trust me, your not helping. Your leaving her alone, may be what she needs to make the right choice for herself.

This is a very unhealthy situation your in, so get out of it.