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modonirob · Nov 20, 2007, 03:03 PM

My wife recently helped her best friend and husband move to another state. She drove one of the cars that followed the moving van. The trip required them to stay over one night in a motel. They stayed in one room with two beds and my wife said as soon as the lights went out the couple started making love. My wife said this excited her and she masturbated and she knew they watched her which excited her even more. I was extremely upset with her and these friends and told her this is cheating and I don't know if I can trust her alone with these friends. Now they plan on visiting for the holidays and I don't know if I should confront them.

shygrneyzs · Nov 20, 2007, 03:22 PM

How is it cheating? Is masturbation cheating? I will grant that she could have stayed in her own room, but perhaps money was an issue. I think it is poor taste for her friends to engage in intercourse with her in the room. But you cannot go back and change anything. If that had been you - would you have become aroused listening to your friends having sex? Possibly, unless you are made of stone. Then what?

Are you thinking that when these friends come to visit that your wife wants to be in the bed with them? Did you ask her? If so, what did she say? I guess I would not make a further issue out of this. Your wife was honest with you - she told you what happened. She could have kept it to herself. If you are worried about the friends visiting, arrange a hotel for them.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 20, 2007, 04:04 PM

Yes you are correct, this is not morally accepted behavior, and just a short jump from her being in bed with them most likely.

And personally I would call them up and tell them sorry they are not invited to your home.

michealb · Nov 20, 2007, 04:38 PM

I'd take it as experimentation gone a little to far. They probably didn't mean for your wife to know about it. Your wife probably didn't mean for them to notice her. Once you get going though as long as no one complains it's hard to stop.

As far as I can tell there is two question that you should be asking yourself. Did any of them do this on purpose to cause harm to you? Now that they know it hurts you, will they do it again? If you can honestly say that this was done to hurt you or that they will do it again knowing it hurts you, then you have a reason to be upset. If not be mad for a little while then forgive everyone involved. Life is to short to hold a grudge against the people that meant you no harm, especially loved ones and friends.

Ash123 · Nov 20, 2007, 08:42 PM

My reaction is it shows low character but not a technical cheat.

However, you have every right to be pissed. I would go to a couples counselor
For several months or you may harbor resentment and pai for years.
The goal should not to be just back to where you were before this incident -
But to be BETTER... She DID tell you the truth, so that's a start.

If she loves you - she can do this and you can survive.

Paws917 · Nov 20, 2007, 09:04 PM

A little preachy and very unrealistic.

peggyhill · Nov 21, 2007, 04:26 PM

Well, it's not something that I would do, lol. But, it's not quite the same as cheating, I don't think. I don't know. I guess it depends on your personal morals, beliefs, and feelings about sex. The bottom line is that it upset you. So, I would suggest some counseling for the two of you.

It could have just been a situation that got out of hand; the good thing is that your wife was honest with you about it. If you don't feel comfortable with having them in your home, tell your wife. However, since the woman is her best friend, your wife probably isn't going to cut off contact with her over this. Do what you feel you have to do for your and your wife's comfort. If you are absolutely sure that you will not allow these people in your home, then let them know so they can make other plans. If they do stay at your house, it's not like your wife is going to sleep in the same room as them. But, you don't want to be so upset that your holidays are ruined either.

They may have seen your wife masturbating, and not said anything because it made them uncomfortable also. It isn't really their fault that your wife did that, I mean, it wasn't like they suggested it or anything. Personally, I wouldn't have sex with my boyfriend when someone else was in the room. But, everyone has different ideas about sex and what is right and wrong, and I respect all those views 100%. Bottom line, if it bothers you, go to counseling. It can really help. You guys need to talk this out since it hurt you. Sorry your upset and good luck to you.

KISS · Nov 21, 2007, 06:12 PM

Some people get turned on watching, others by being watched. If it was uncomfy, then you should have asked them to stop.

I got caught by an employer. Nothing was said, I didn't know. I found out some time later. It's not the same thing, but he knew how to handle it.

Mizz_Me · Nov 24, 2007, 06:40 PM

Haha that's hott! But your friends are kind of rude but I think if your wife was bothered by them making love she would have voiced her opinion stop being such a tight wade and enjoy! I know I would that's hott! I don't think its cheating she didn't touch anyone just herself.

Choux · Nov 25, 2007, 07:07 PM

Let this go... it happened, and it is over. I think it falls into the category of "Kicks just keep getting harder to find"... for the women; the guy is getting over on you.

If that guy tries that trick again, time for a serious confrontation... he is trying to make a fool of you---in my opinion...

AbL6669 · Nov 25, 2007, 07:54 PM

Communication between you and your wife is in order. This is not an indication that she is going to have an adulterous relationship with them or anyone else. It was a spur of the moment occurrence for her. When you are in the room with a couple or more having sexual moments their pheromones are running on high and your wife picked up on it and caused her to become excited. Your wife not knowing it may need some extra excitement in her life which you can provide her with without your friends. Take her out in public and tease her touch her when no one is paying attention talk dirty to her quietly, tell her all the things you would do to her while all these people are around and when your wife is good and aroused take her home or to the nearest hotel and make love to her. Blind fold her and tell her again how there are people around and that they do or do not know what you are doing to her.

Now to your friends they either knew or did not know what this would do. If they are good friends you can talk to them in a non threatening way if they bring up having a foursome or if they want to have a hotel room with you again just quietly refuse and get your own room. You do not have to cancel your relationship with this couple just because of what transpired just be honest and upfront. They will either be good friends and say cool or being out of state they won't call much.

Your main thing is to honest with your wife and use communication. You can work anything out with communication. I hope this works out for you.