[workingirl29]

I have been with my boyfriend for the past six months or so. We were together about 3 months before I moved and it was great! We are great communicators, and both love each other dearly. However, the last couple of weeks I have been feeling SO smothered. He will constantly ask me if I have done specific things, or if I am going to call him later ( while I am currently on the phone with him ). I brought his up a few weeks ago saying that I love him and that I want to make this work, but I feel like he isn't getting it. I told him I wanted a night to myself to just hang out by myself, and he still kept calling and texting and when I called him back he didn't understand why I wanted to get off the phone. In these circumstances I tell him I want to get off the phone because we aren't talking about anything.. He says he doesn't know what to do, and I try to explain that its healthy for us to both have lives, and to both do different things rather than just come home and talk to each other all night. I am an independent person and have never felt like someone doesn't want me to live my life.. He just says that he wants to feel like he isn't missing anything, and its his way of feeling close to me.. Am I being over dramatic, and need to shape up? I just feel like a relationship shouldn't be so much about a couple, there should be other aspects to your life besides your boyfriend/girlfriend!

[MIZZ.CASTANEDA]

Well half of what you said you are being dramatic but maybe he really loves you and he is just scared that you are with someone else when you say you wanted a night to yourself to just hang out by yourself justtry to spend more time with him go to the movie,park,mall or somewere together or if you feel you relationship is not ganna work just leave him.

[talaniman]

The honeymoon is over, and the work begins, and its time to be really honest and tell him he is just smothering you too much, and needs to back off, or you will dump his butt. Be prepared to back up your words with action, because if he can't/doesn't know what to do with himself when your not around, you will end up hating him, and breaking up any way. Talk honestly with him.

[I wish]

Keep working at it. It doesn't sound like it's going to be easy to get through to him, so that just means that you need to put more effort to get your message across.

If what you say doesn't seem to get through, then try explaining things in differently. You said that you are great communicators, so put your skills to good use!

[answerme_tender]

Its obvious that you have a life that goes beyone a relationship, but does he. Sit down and tell him that you love him, but you don't want to be connected to his hip or vice versa. Talk to him that you want your conversations to be quality not quantity.

[awayandalone]

Your last comment just put the whole thing in perspective for me. Being in an LDR is difficult, I wasn't in one with my girl when we started dating but got forced into one for a year because of an internship. The first month was good for us we missed each other dearly and talked regularly, but as time progressed it felt like I was putting more effort in to talk than she was. And I guess kind of like your situation I wanted to talk all the time and she ultimately ended it with me because she wasn't happy anymore.

So I'm not sure how to tell you to get the message through to him that you don't want to talk as much. The best thing I can say is to tell him that when you two aren't talking reassure him that he can have complete faith and trust in you, and when you do talk make it meaningful, if you can try and use something like skype or windows live, seeing each other often makes it better.

Hope that helps a little bit.

[workingirl29]

I think it comes down to his past and being cheated on, so I think you are right about the reassuring him part. Definitely noted, Ill mention it to make sure he knows he can trust me. Thank you for the advice!

[MIZZ.CASTANEDA]

Well I think that guy is weird then omg so weird well if you want to have fun just leave him and move on...

[Survivor07]

Tell him confidence is sexy and so is a man who has his own life and interests outside of the relationship... that way there is actually something to talk about when he calls.

Insecurity is a turn off. It's okay to reassure someone, once. You are not the one who cheated on him, so you do not need to pay for what she did to him.

You both need to have your own independent lives to have a balance in the relationship and to grow as people.

[justcurious123]

I am curious to know how this all played out. Can you give us an update?