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jane1234567 · Oct 5, 2010, 01:30 PM

jane1234567 · Oct 5, 2010, 01:47 PM

My ex and I broke up when I was a couple of months pregnant with my daughter. We got back in touch after I had our baby and things have been going great for the past few months!! I've wanted him back since the beginning but there was never a good time to tell him and I was scared he would say no! I have recently found out he is seeing someone and its broke my heart I can't stop thinking about him esp cause all my daughter says dad dad dad and adors him. I don't want to ruine what his got but its driving me crazy not noing and not being able to be with him. If I tell him now he might think I'm just doing it cause I'm jelous but if I keep quite I think I might actually go crazy what do I do?? *** help

beachloverjohn · Oct 5, 2010, 02:04 PM

He is the father of your daughter, and he always will be. So no matter what, make sure he is helping you support her, and hopefully he will stay in contact for her sake.

As for you two getting back together, I think that is wishful thinking on your part. It doesn't matter if he knows you want him back, he obviously doesn't want you. He has a girlfriend. Sure, you envision this wonderful family, but one of you doesn't want that, and my guess it's not you. And I wouldn't try laying a guilt trip on him cause of your daughter, that will backfire and he will resent you sooo much. And I guarantee he knows you want to get back together, and as you can see it has not made a difference..

Homegirl 50 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:11 PM

You just had a baby and you're probably hormonal which is one reason you may be obsessing over this. I'm assuming the reasons you broke up are still there.
At any rate he is with someone else. Telling him how you feel makes you look desperate and that is not attractive.
Make sure he is taking care of the baby financially and you regroup and move on.
He'll always be a part your life because you share a child, but he's not in your life any longer.
I wish you well.

jane1234567 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:14 PM

I told him when we got back in touch I think its best that we just stay friend so things don't get complacated but I can't help the way I feel and I have not made it obv one bit that I still have feelings for him. Am I not better off be honest with him??

Cat1864 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:17 PM

He isn't available. You leave him alone and move on with your own life.

Allow yourself to put him and the relationship in the past. Heal and when you are ready you will meet someone better suited for a relationship with you than an ex who has already moved on.

beachloverjohn · Oct 5, 2010, 02:18 PM

Well you could call his girlfriend and tell her that you saw him first, but I don't think she will back off.

You could tell him that he should dump his girlfriend so he could go back to you, but he probably won't do that.

Or you can do nothing, let him and his girlfriend alone, and go on with your life.

Those are your choices, but no matter which one you pick, the result is going to be the same. You will not get him back. So you might as well show a little pride and self respect and do nothing. At least you will maintain your dignity,

chuff · Oct 5, 2010, 02:19 PM

Why do you want him if he can't commit himself to you when your pregnant or to you now?

Homegirl 50 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by jane1234567

i told him when we got back in touch i think its best that we just stay friend so things dont get complicated but i can't help the way i feel and i have not made it obv one bit that i still have feelings for him. am i not better off be honest with him???

What would be the point? If he is with someone else, what you feel is immaterial. You two are no longer a couple. How long ago did you have the baby?
Did he leave you?

beachloverjohn · Oct 5, 2010, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by jane1234567

i told him when we got back in touch i think its best that we just stay friend so things dont get complacated but i can't help the way i feel and i have not made it obv one bit that i still have feelings for him. am i not better off be honest with him???

Are you saying that he wants to get back together with you but you are the one that wouldn't allow it? If that's the case, then of course you should tell him your true feelings. But don't do it unless you are reasonably sure that he wants to give your relationship another chance. Otherwise, you will open yourself up to more rejection that you might not be able to emotionally handle.

Cat1864 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:39 PM

Apparently he wanted to give it try when the child was born and she said 'no'. Now, she is rethinking what she wants. However, he has another girlfriend which makes him unavailable. So, she needs to be in touch with him only about things affecting the child and allow herself to let go of the romantic relationship they shared.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:41 PM

I still think if he is with someone else, leave him alone. You have no right.

jane1234567 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:42 PM

When first found out I was pregnant it was a hudge shock to both of us cause we had only been together for 6 months and put a lot of strain on our relationship. Him and my uncle had a fight and I though he was well out of order and acted like an arse then things got well out of hand and we stop talking and stayed away from each other... I was so hurt I didn't want to be near him whilst I was pregnant. I'm not blameless in this my big gob didn't help. After my daughter was born we met up and he told me he wanted to make a go of things and I said I didn't think it was a good idea to rush things I was scared of getting heart and everything getting buggered up again and I couldn't let that happen esp cause my daughter relationship with him is more important that me and him. Now his with this girl and I don't want to hurt him or try to ruine his life but I miss him so much and I can't move on if I tell him and he says he wants her maybe I can get some closer and it will be easyer to move on

Homegirl 50 · Oct 5, 2010, 02:48 PM

If he is happy with his girl friend you need to leave him alone. You have no right to mes things up with him because you have changed your mind.

Knowing he is happy with someone else is all you need to move on.

beachloverjohn · Oct 5, 2010, 02:49 PM

Jane, you do what your heart tells you to do. There is too much at stake here. If you don'open up to him, you may spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been. Just don't do anything to cause resentment that could jepardize his relationship with his daughter. Because you are correct, that is what is most important.

Cat1864 · Oct 5, 2010, 03:01 PM

Jane, telling him how you feel will only add confusion and make it awkward for you to be able to be effective parents together especially if he stays in his current relationship.

Closure doesn't come from someone else. It comes from within. It comes with accepting that the past is the past and that you have to go forward.

Healing should not be conditional on his knowing how you feel and getting a response from him. Adding confusion does not promote healing. It only causes more pain.

Let his relationship go where it will. Let yourself heal.