[irish24]

Two and a half months have gone by and I am still very upset by my breakup. We met in September last year and went on many dates and everything was there for me except a physical attraction- great conversation, lots of fun and laughter, emotional connection, friends liked me and mine liked her, etc. I told her that I didn't have the physical portion and that I was really sorry at that point but I didn't want to be untruthful to her. We took a week break and then started hanging out again because I felt a deep connection to her. In February she told me she has needs to be romantically connected and I didn't know what to do but I said do what you have to do I understand. In March she planned a trip for us to go away for two days together, which was a good way for us to be closer and see one last time if this would work. She started at that point making sexual suggestions to me and finally I felt something so I acted on my feelings and we had a great weekend together! All pieces were in place and since the physical was good, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she was finally so happy. At the same time this was occurring, my grandma, who was also my landlord, passed away and my family told me I'd have to move out of her house because it was too expensive to keep. In addition, my girlfriend had a small surgery about a month after and was upset that I wasn't available to her enough- that I could have been better. She said the first month and a half of the relationship was amazing and that she was happy that I gave her a commitment for the future. Then she started to worry about my depression and started getting angry with me. She said a few more things that are a bit personal. All I do is blame myself for the breakup but people who know my story in greater detail think I did nothing worng. I go to a therapist weekly and take meds and when I suggested therapy once to her she said she didn't need it. Deep down, she never let go of the anger she had from me rejecting her for the first few months. I don't believe you can fully love someonw when they are so angry with you as well. I love her very much and her last email stated that she needs to work on her anger and needs time to figure things out in her own head... I wonder if we will ever be together or even speak again. Any advice or help you can suggest?

[joypulv]

It seems that her needs are greater than yours for commitment and intimacy, and the lopsided relationship is frustrating her. This is very common. There's not a whole lot to say. Obviously medication can dull desire too, so if that touches on hurtful remarks she made you two could clear the air about that. You were depressed and in therapy before you met her? Then you can talk about that with her too, and how it can make all relationships, no matter how wonderful, more difficult. You've been emailing so you aren't totally estranged. Compose a long letter (maybe on paper so you can edit a lot) and send it.
Then she needs to decide if she can take you as a package, bad with good, as we all do.

You also have to think: what will it be like if she moves on? If it feels intolerable, make a huge effort to change.

And one last remark... therapy has been right for you, but I wouldn't go around suggesting it for others unless they really indicate they are suffering and need help. Her anger is typical for the situation.

[talaniman]

You never know what can happen in the future but for now you can let her deal with her own issues and you deal with yours and just see what happens after that.

[irish24]

I feel this way because she told me that I was so wonderful and then all of a sudden she changed. I ahd so much stress in my situation and when I needed a little comfort, she wasn't there for me. She said she just held in her anger... not good.

[answerme_tender]

You have had a lot of changes to deal with since death of your grandmother. Sounds like your going through some depression on top of everything else. The relatioship sounds like a hit and miss situation. Instead of worrying about being a couple, its time to get yourself better as indivduals. How can you offer anyone worth while if you don't feel whole. Remember you need to work on yourself, and not try being her councelor by telling her what she needs to work on, that is something she needs to figure out herself.

[beachloverjohn]

It seems there are too many things that got in the way of your relationship. So now she is having second thoughts about the two of you having a future. All you can do is leave her alone. But I think your relationship reached its peak, and it is going downhill from this point on. My advice to you is to concentrate on what makes you happy, because the two of you will not cross paths again. You are moving in different directions, and like two ships passing in the night, this relationship is not meant to be.

[ronnie77]

I have a similar probem I am probably older thatn you but I think you will get her back. If she is taking time toio think. Give it to her. I am away forone month from my girlfriend but I posted my horror story a few minutes ago. If you want check it out. MAybe you can make some sense of yours ny reasinf mine. But your situation is a little different. I can honestly tell you YOu will porbably get her back