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alter ego · Jan 15, 2007, 07:00 AM

Hi, my new boyfriend and I (both 30) have been going out for two months only and it seems as if his sex drive is on much of a decrease. To be honest my sex drive is high, especially cause I find him really attractive and I think that if you're freshly in love you'd normally not get out of bed much, do you.. I do think that he really likes me and being with, he calls me, sends emails and textmessages, gives me kisses (like the ones you'd give to your family) and strokes my back, even looks at my as if he was in love.. and all that but he never really initiates having sex nor did he lately really respond to very obvious moves on my parts... can any of you give me any advice or explanation for this?

excon · Jan 15, 2007, 09:02 AM

Hello alter:

No, I can't explain it. All I can do is tell you, is what you already know. And, what you know, is that 30 year old lovers should only get out of bed when absolutely necessary (like working and eating and stuff).

Plus, you know that if it's this way now, you know it ain't going to get better. You also know, that you got to move on.

excon

PS> Now, I know that you're going to hear from all those people who'll tell you that he respects you, and that he just wants to wait, and that sex isn't everything...

To that, I say - BUNK.

phillysteakandcheese · Jan 15, 2007, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by alter ego

... nor did he lately really respond to very obvious moves on my parts...

When you say "obvious"... Do you mean you tenderly caressed his hand while you were watching TV one night, or do you mean you jumped into his lap wearing lingerie and telling him to "ride'em cowboy"?
:)
Sometimes men can't take a hint.
Sometimes men are shy or timid.

The best bet is to talk about it. There can be so many reasons... You have to start somewhere.

alter ego · Jan 16, 2007, 07:42 AM

Ok, a drastic change... after a big talk I now know that he is not in love with me... he likes me a lot, so he says, spending time with me... all that, even considered me to be his girlfriend... never mind the question up there... but: why would you consider someone your girlfriend, why would you go out with someone, sleep with that person every now and then... if you are not a bit in love? Maybe I am naïve but I don't get this... for what reason would you be with someone like that if it was for that (if even tiny) sparkle of being in love, loving... whatever... enlighten me

phillysteakandcheese · Jan 16, 2007, 09:48 AM

Comfort - People only do as much as they are comfortable with, and often settle for "good enough".

You are a convenience for him.
You give him enough to be comfortable, and he doesn't want any more.

Tuscany · Jan 16, 2007, 09:55 AM

I have to say that I agree with Philly here.
You offer him support and yourself. He does not want any more.
He is happy with what he has.

You asked how could he go out with you and sleep with you and not feel any love. The long and short of it is this: Men and women look at sex differently. Women look at it as a loving connection, SOME men look at it as a way to fulfill a need.